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Apparently I mentally abuse my toddler? *EDITED*

Posted by on Nov. 24, 2014 at 10:03 AM
  • 123 Replies

I've been in a nasty custody battle with my son's father since August of this year. It has been nothing but a nightmare and an absolute pain. We've had a guardian involved because I had mentioned in court that I was concerned about my ex's drug use. It was the main reason why I left and why he had kicked us out of the house. He also accused me of cheating multipe times which to this day I still have no idea why or even how I would of had time to cheat but I digress. My son and I have moved and I've been dating someone whom I could see us spending the rest of our lives with. He has two older children who love my son (my son is 2 by the way) and since day 1 have treated him like he was their baby brother. When my son and my SO met, he'd call him by his name because that's what he heard coming from me but as the months passed on and the more the kids hung out with us, my son got into the habit of calling my SO Daddy. We didn't know what to do at the time and we tried correcting but because he was used to my SO's kids calling him Daddy, he just did it. My ex caught wind of this and flipped out on me...called me every name in the book, that I did this to hurt my ex, and even told me I was mentally abusing our 2 year old for not understanding why he can't call my SO, Daddy.  So apparently, according to my ex, I'm supposed to scold and punish my two year old every time he calls my SO Daddy.

I just don't understand...

I should add this on...I left my ex a year ago when he got heavily more into drugs. He was never involved with our son as a father and had nothing to do with him when we were together.  My SO and I have now been together for a while and he was a friend of the family before him and I got together. My son does know who his real father is but he is also dropped off at his grandmother's as soon as my ex has him and doesn't see his dad again until I go and pick him up. I can't force his real dad to have a relationship with his son but I do think it does affect their relationship that they don't spend time together and have that father son bond.

by on Nov. 24, 2014 at 10:03 AM
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Replies (1-10):
OwlNuggets
by HAIL NUGGY! on Nov. 24, 2014 at 10:05 AM
11 moms liked this

The sooner you stop taking anything your ex says personally, the better.

Fuck him, continue to move on with your life.

NCJen84
by on Nov. 24, 2014 at 10:10 AM
2 moms liked this

 Well, you've only been in this relationship since August and you've introduced your 2 yr old to him? That is a bit much. If the shoe was on the other foot you would be mad... you guys have only been apart 3 months.

Move on and do what you think is right.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Nov. 24, 2014 at 10:14 AM
5 moms liked this
There are ways to make a 2 year old understand the difference. Its not about punishment like your ex seems to think, its about correction, comparison and consistency.

You need to tell your toddler your bf is their daddy not his, and then show him a picture of his dad. Then compare who those two people are.
For example say this is John, mommies special friend, he is mike and Aarons daddy. Then,show him the picture of his dad and say, this is your daddy.
Keep doing that.
At that age he's a little confused and looking towards you to tell him and show him who people are in his life. Its no different than an uncle who's his cousins call dad, but he calls uncle.

If his dad is in his life, he needs to know him by name which is his dad and other men need to be indicated as separate people who don't hold the same title or meaning as dad.
Harmonytmrrw
by Bronze Member on Nov. 24, 2014 at 10:15 AM

 I've known my SO for a long time and he's known my son since birth because he's a family friend. My ex and I had been separated for a year.

Quoting NCJen84:

 Well, you've only been in this relationship since August and you've introduced your 2 yr old to him? That is a bit much. If the shoe was on the other foot you would be mad... you guys have only been apart 3 months.

Move on and do what you think is right.

 

Rangermom772
by Platinum Member on Nov. 24, 2014 at 10:16 AM
4 moms liked this

If my husband and I separated and my two year old was calling his new girl friend mommy. You bet I would be flipping out! I would go bat shit crazy!

epoh
by Ruby Member on Nov. 24, 2014 at 10:18 AM
Perhaps I'm missing details, but it's completely inappropriate to meet a man and have your child close enough to that man that he's calling that man daddy within 3 months of meeting. Holy cow. Way to move waaaaay too quickly.

Your ex is wrong. I agree with you there. Had the timeline not been so fast, I'd be completely behind you on this one. But you're moving way too quickly and it cannot be healthy for the child if this relationship doesn't pan out as you expect it to.
epoh
by Ruby Member on Nov. 24, 2014 at 10:20 AM
Having a family friend for a while /=/ stable relationship that will survive. You need to slow way the hell down.

Quoting Harmonytmrrw:

 I've known my SO for a long time and he's known my son since birth because he's a family friend. My ex and I had been separated for a year.


Quoting NCJen84:

 Well, you've only been in this relationship since August and you've introduced your 2 yr old to him? That is a bit much. If the shoe was on the other foot you would be mad... you guys have only been apart 3 months.


Move on and do what you think is right.


 

JDmommyJD
by the sauce is boss on Nov. 24, 2014 at 10:21 AM
3 moms liked this
Its common for 2 year olds to repeat what they Hear. I have to constantly correct the 2 year old I babysit, because he calls me mom, and my husband dad. Its what he hears my girls say. He knows we are not his mom and dad tho.
Leissaintexas
by Ruby Member on Nov. 24, 2014 at 10:22 AM
While its not mental abuse, it does need to be corrected. Until this man is your husband, he's not even your child's step dad. Work on teaching your son the difference.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Nov. 24, 2014 at 10:23 AM
You're completely in the wrong! Holy crap.
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