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He is My child and I will raise him how I want to.

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 12 Replies

So a little background.

I was raised by a horrible mother until the age of 10. She was a drugee, drunk, abusive,etc. I have four younger siblings. One close in age, the other three at least 8 yrs younger. All of us were adopted by my grandparents eventually. My three younger siblings still live there.

I have a 6 month old son. My Nana is retired. My papa makes ALOT of money now, so they are very much set. My nana kindly offered to babysit for free, since she has nothing to do all day with the kids at school, and she wants to see her great grandchild. She offered to watch him for free, since they don't need the money and we do. I still help out when I can. Buy groceries, watch the kids, clean their house. 

Well lately issues have come up. My DS is a very good baby. Almost never cries. He fusses if he's tired or hungry. That's it. The other day, my nana was rocking him to sleep while I ate. He refused to go to sleep and was pretty fussy. She said she didn't know what was wrong with him. I told her it was normal. He fights sleep now, and he's teething. I had just given him some Tylenol and it should kick in shortly. She said "Well then its about time we just start laying him down to asleep, and just let him self soothe." All I remember my mother doing with my bro was laying him in the crib when she didn't want to deal with him, saying he would eventually go to sleep. He would cry gut wrenching sobs for hours. If we tried to get him we would get beat. So I told her, kindly, no because of my brother. I won't do that with my son. He rocks to sleep very good, only takes about ten minutes of him fighting sleep before he loses.

She said "We'll see." I said no you won't, I just said don't so don't do it. She told me when I start paying her is when I can decide how he is treated over there. And if I was going to be so picky, I could keep him home and watch him. I said I wasn't being picky. He is my son, not hers. She has no right to dictate his life. She said she has every right, and what I don't know when I'm not there wont hurt me. She's much more experienced and knows better.

First off, a good thing about having such a shitty mom was learning what not to do. And over all, her and my grandpa were very good parents. But we ended up getting into it, and I let some cuss words slip out. She said I was a horrible mother for that. And I had no right to be upset. I should be thankful.

We have have been having issues. Her thinking she can do whatever she wants. She gave him apple sauce before I did. She took him to his first zoo trip before me. Things that a first time mom looks forward to.

It kills me that I can't stay home. But my husband doesn't make enough for me to right now. I'm going to school to be a nurse. Soon I'll be able to take night shift and stay home during the day. But until then, there is no way we can afford a babysitter. We have to stick with her..

But my gpa is trying to tell me I should be ashamed. And nana was right. Tell me, what do you think?

thanks

Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 24, 2014 at 10:49 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 24, 2014 at 10:52 AM

Bump

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Nov. 24, 2014 at 10:53 AM

Why are you buying groceries if they are set financial wise?  Why are you cleaning their house?  I do not get that.  I would look into another source of childcare if you can not get on the same page for an infant.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 24, 2014 at 10:56 AM

 Because I just wanna do anything I can to pay them back. When she asked if I can pick up a thing or two at the store, I just don't let her pay me back. And I clean because my papa works away from town a week, then home a week. Sometimes she needs help cleaning after the kids get home. Honestly she's just lazy, but I wanna help so I do it.

Quoting Anonymous 2:

Why are you buying groceries if they are set financial wise?  Why are you cleaning their house?  I do not get that.  I would look into another source of childcare if you can not get on the same page for an infant.

 

Marti123
by Platinum Member on Nov. 24, 2014 at 11:03 AM

I am sorry. Your nana seems controlling and insensitive. Do everything you possible can as quick as you can, so visits are optional and not necessary. Can you work as an aide on nights?

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Nov. 24, 2014 at 11:08 AM
1 mom liked this

Find other childcare. "What you don't know won't hurt you" means she's going to let your kid cry and scream, feed him whatever the fuck she wants, teach him whatever she wants, and have absolutely no respect for you as his mother.

lenashark
by Emerald Member on Nov. 24, 2014 at 11:24 AM

She's watching him for free, she doesn't have to listen. In return, you don't have to leave him with her. Find other childcare if you don't agree with what she is doing. But also, try to be rational when dealing with her, cursing at your grandmother will not help the situation. Talk it out in a reasonable way and show her you can make rational adult decisions. Wanting to start laying him down to sleep so she isn't carrying him around doesn't mean she will leave him screaming for hours whenever she doesn't want to deal with him, she isn't your mother, maybe she wants to just try it for ten minutes at a time when he's going to sleep. Work together.

TheyAreMyLoves
by Gold Member on Nov. 24, 2014 at 11:31 AM
3 moms liked this
It sounds like you are letting your own issues cloud your judgement.
Letting a fussy baby soothe himself to sleep isn't the same thing as neglecting a screaming child for hours.
Also, if you are working or going to school and someone else is caring for your child, you're going to have to accept that the other caregiver is going to be there for some of those "firsts", not you.
Does that give grandma the right to undermine you? No.
Are you projecting your issues and possibly being a little unreasonable? I think so.
LiliM
by Platinum Member on Nov. 24, 2014 at 11:33 AM

Is Nana the mom of your mother?

Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Nov. 24, 2014 at 11:37 AM
You either trust her or you don't. If you can't tolerate her doing it her way, then make other arrangements. Personally I think you could have handled it a lot better.
Missdameanor
by on Nov. 24, 2014 at 11:39 AM
How old is the child?
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