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Sad :(

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 7 Replies
My SO and I have been together for a little over a year. Talking for about two years. He's wonderful and I love him like I never knew possible. I have a 2 year old and a 5 year old son. He loves them too and they adore him. He's 20 years my senior but I've never felt that mattered. He has a son living at home as well. We don't live together.

I don't think we are going to make it because we never get alone time together. The only time my kids' father takes them, EVER, is every other weekend. I work those weekends. 6am-6pm Saturday, Sunday, and Monday. I do spend Friday evening and Saturday evenings at his home but it's not ideal, as we both work.

My life is kindergarten, homework, baths, potty training, etc. I pay $200/wk for daycare for the weekdays I work. Monday, Thursday, Friday one week and Tuesday wednesday the next. My kids are there from 5am-6:30pm those days. It sucks. But I have to.

Alone time after they sleep and on our work weekends just isn't enough for him. But i have nothing else to give. I sometimes have a teenage girl babysit for a few hours in the evening for dinner or something like that. But we can't be lazy, sleep in, or get a weekend away. Not ever. I know what he wants isn't unreasonable at all. It's just more than I can give.

It hurts so badly :(

I have no family who can babysit ever. No friends who'd do an overnight. I'd kinda feel bad leaving them overnight anyway due to their ages and my work schedule. My ex's family hates me for ending the relationship. Their dad absolutely refuses.
Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 24, 2014 at 12:03 PM
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Replies (1-7):
thenameshailie
by Emerald Member on Nov. 24, 2014 at 12:08 PM
Perhaps it's time to move in together? I mean that would give more time together.
Danesmommy1
by Grammar Enthusiast on Nov. 24, 2014 at 12:10 PM
Is cohabitation a possibility?
epoh
by Ruby Member on Nov. 24, 2014 at 12:10 PM
1 mom liked this
It's all about priorities.

I'm supporting a home and 2 kids, taking 17 credits, and working 2 part time jobs and I still make time for my SO.

He comes over and we hang out for an hour in the evening before bed. He comes over for family dinners and the kids' birthday parties. He's a priority, as much as school and work and my kids are. I make it work.

You can make it work if it's important. Have you talked to him about the pressure you're feeling?
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 24, 2014 at 12:14 PM
I'd love to but he doesn't want to disrupt his older sons life with small kids. I understand it. It'd be a huge change. And his son is planning to propose to his girlfriend this February so it won't be all that long before his son moves out anyway.

I honestly think he's afraid of the huuuuge change having two little kids would bring. He does love them so I just always felt like he'd come around and get used to it... But maybe he won't. Maybe he can't.

They're not bad kids. Just normal rambunctious little boys.

Even then... It wouldn't be the time he wants. His son is gone often. He could stay with us any time now. He wants completely alone time. How am I supposed to do that?
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 24, 2014 at 12:17 PM
I have, yes. He just expresses sadness at never getting alone time. No sleeping in. No weekends away.

I do all that too. The problem is that he wants alone time. Just us. And after they go to bed isn't enough. He wants to sleep in together. Lay in bed together. He wants more than just after they sleep.

Quoting epoh: It's all about priorities.

I'm supporting a home and 2 kids, taking 17 credits, and working 2 part time jobs and I still make time for my SO.

He comes over and we hang out for an hour in the evening before bed. He comes over for family dinners and the kids' birthday parties. He's a priority, as much as school and work and my kids are. I make it work.

You can make it work if it's important. Have you talked to him about the pressure you're feeling?
epoh
by Ruby Member on Nov. 24, 2014 at 12:22 PM
Perhaps he isn't ready for a relationship with a mom. I would expect my partner to be supportive of the fact that I'm a mother, first and foremost. He needs to know sometimes being together is simply being happy that he can wake up next to a beautiful woman at all.

Things change. When my SO and I met, my ex wasn't involved in my kids' lives at all. Now he is, and my SO and I have more time together, but not much. Usually I'm just rushing off to do the next thing I have to do.

Sometimes I stop at his house after school and before kids just to give a kiss and drop off a coffee, let him know I'm thinking of him.

It's rough, mama. It really is. My SO is 20 years older than me also but I've found his age allows him to be more understanding and supportive of me chasing my dreams than men my age were.

PM me if you need to. It sounds as if our situations are similar.

If there is love and compassion and communication, you can weather this.


Quoting Anonymous 1: I have, yes. He just expresses sadness at never getting alone time. No sleeping in. No weekends away.

I do all that too. The problem is that he wants alone time. Just us. And after they go to bed isn't enough. He wants to sleep in together. Lay in bed together. He wants more than just after they sleep.

Quoting epoh: It's all about priorities.

I'm supporting a home and 2 kids, taking 17 credits, and working 2 part time jobs and I still make time for my SO.

He comes over and we hang out for an hour in the evening before bed. He comes over for family dinners and the kids' birthday parties. He's a priority, as much as school and work and my kids are. I make it work.

You can make it work if it's important. Have you talked to him about the pressure you're feeling?
epoh
by Ruby Member on Nov. 24, 2014 at 12:24 PM
He has to compromise, sweetie.

Quoting Anonymous 1: I'd love to but he doesn't want to disrupt his older sons life with small kids. I understand it. It'd be a huge change. And his son is planning to propose to his girlfriend this February so it won't be all that long before his son moves out anyway.

I honestly think he's afraid of the huuuuge change having two little kids would bring. He does love them so I just always felt like he'd come around and get used to it... But maybe he won't. Maybe he can't.

They're not bad kids. Just normal rambunctious little boys.

Even then... It wouldn't be the time he wants. His son is gone often. He could stay with us any time now. He wants completely alone time. How am I supposed to do that?
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