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*Edited In teal** Are We Expected To Be a Steford Superwoman Hybrid?

Posted by on Nov. 24, 2014 at 12:52 PM
  • 42 Replies
3 moms liked this

Let's take this a step further and say that NO. Society has no expectations of me or us women. That we can do no wrong and never be judged for our choices. Do you put high expectations on yourself? Are you your own worst enemy?. I am. I'll admit it. I give 110% I always try to go above and beyond and be the parent I never had. So when I'm already setting a high bar and criticisim and judgement comes from outside sources it's like a stab in the chest. I feel like I'm already giving so much and when I'm told it's not enough it can be infuritating. 

Have any of you ever felt like the long list of responsibilities that you have are almost unrealistic. Like society, and family expects you to be a super hero? You are expected to do it all with a smile and never complain or get overwhelmed. I am fine taking on everything life has thrown my way but the expectation of never getting upset or overwhelmed just seems impossible.

I work full time. Sometimes over 40 hours, I work because I enjoy providing for my girls. It gives me self worth and fills the hours that the girls are in school. I do public speaking, presentations, networking, and travel. Always the smiling representative of my agency.  But I still need to care for my home. I still scrub the bathroom, go grocery shopping, make dinners, fold and put away laundry, take the dogs for walks, and clean out the liter box. My dh does a lot at home. He does the dishes, laundry, trash, lawn care, and helps with meals in addition to working 14-21 days straight 60 hours a week.

As a wife I am the backbone of our home. I keep everyone on schedule, provide emotional support to my anxiety ridden dh, let him know he is appreciated and loved. As a mother I am a taxi, secretary, volunteer, counselor, teacher, and nurse. Doing my best to raise intelligent, kind hearted, proactive, young ladies. As a daughter I deal with the keeping and caring of my mentally ill mom. The constant battle of making sure she takes her meds, or gets to her appointments, buying groceries, helping clean her home, or my favorite keeping her stocked in Depends and making sure she doesn't leave the house with no pants.

Add PTO and community service to everything and there are days I just feel exhausted sometimes defeated. I have the time to do it. Can't say there aren't enough hours in the day. I literally spent yesterday binging on Netflix.  Sundays are my lazy days :)

I just find it interesting that so many people attack you or insult you if you show weakness. If you say you need a break or that you are overwhelmed. Or they point out your faults and attack you for not doing more. I'm not just talking about myself or CM I'm talking about real life. I should have put this in a different group since I'm just babbling and not really asking any real questions. Just making an observation.. That women especially moms have a lot of expectations..

by on Nov. 24, 2014 at 12:52 PM
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by Platinum Member on Nov. 24, 2014 at 12:59 PM

I feel that way sometimes. I also feel pressure to excel in my job since it is heavily male dominated position and I'm the only female on staff to be a role model for all the little girls and young ladies we instruct. I home school my kids, cook and clean, plan parties and events, work full time and still spend a minimum of 3 days in the gym lifting and workout at least 6 days a week (not including work) in order to do my job well and be a proper role model of fitness for my students.

But, I do love all of it! 

by Kaylee on Nov. 24, 2014 at 1:02 PM
1 mom liked this
I've never felt those expectations or pressure from anyone but myself, and I love a challenge so I'm ok with it.
by Emerald Member on Nov. 24, 2014 at 1:03 PM

No, not really. I don't care what society expects, I only care about what I expect of myself. I focus on making sure my children are cared for, after that, I do what I choose, not what I am expected to choose. My husband and I work together to make sure we have a clean house and healthy food on the table, I choose to put more into that because I enjoy cooking and interior design. I have a job that I love and I choose to volunteer as well because it's something I expect of myself. I don't feel that I am a taxi, secretary, volunteer, counselor, teacher (besides when I'm teaching dance, since that's my job), or nurse, I don't have all of those qualifications, I am simply a mother. I could join the PTO or a bookclub like some might expect me to, but I'd prefer to spend that time doing things I enjoy and spending time with friends and family. I know I am doing a good job, so I don't care about what others think and I don't expect their approval. 

by Anonymous 1 on Nov. 24, 2014 at 1:04 PM

I put that pressure on muself and when I don't meet my expectations or fail them, I get super depressed.

by Emerald Member on Nov. 24, 2014 at 1:06 PM

But the thing is, you should not do that stuff because you feel like it is expected of you. You should do it because you want to do it, because of the love you have for your family. At least, that is how I see it, and it really helps me from feeling like I am being defeated, or getting that burnt out feeling. 

by Platinum Member on Nov. 24, 2014 at 1:08 PM

I'm with you girl!   Instead of Netflix I was binge reading.  

We have a lot of expectations and a lot of extra's at this time of year and I agree with you, if you show weakness you may get attacked and most likely by another woman who doesn't want to admit she feels as overwhelmed as you.  I feel like SO has a lot of responsibilities too  but I think you are right that it is mostly us women that take on the backbone role.  

by on Nov. 24, 2014 at 1:10 PM
I definitely get it. I'm a kindergarten teacher in an extremely high poverty area. I not only teach and basically raise these 23 kids but the emotional, mental and physical demands are draining sometimes. I have 7 kids at home. So I am always managing the home, paying the never ending bills, organizing and reorganizing everything as they grow and their needs change pretty much daily. The oldest is on the basketball team so she needs to be taken to practice and picked up daily in the middle of dinner being made and everyone getting homework and school projects done. We are active in the church so they constantly are asking for our help with programs and activities for the kids, etc. Today I am out of school but my kids aren't yet so I went and volunteered in all their classrooms and read to them and did crafts with them. I try to take a step back and relax from time to time but there just isn't any time! I can rest when the kids are grown and I retire I suppose. Most of the time I handle it well but it definitely gets irritating when you are expected to never be worried or stressed out or just plain exhausted sometimes!
by Ruby Member on Nov. 24, 2014 at 1:12 PM

Yes, I feel the strain.  I'm my mom's only child and I have been trying to help her as much as possible since she is disabled and her husband was diagnosed with cancer.  I'm also a single mom.  My mom watches my son after school and he helps out with a lot of household chores neither of them can do.  My job is project manager of a certain franchise of retail store remodels, which is a lot of pressure with Black Friday coming up.  I had to work late on Friday and got to my mom's house to pick up my son and was met with them screaming about what a horrible mother I am and how I must suck at my job to have to work late.  My son was crying in the laundry room.  I was also accused of not working but going out drinking (which I have never done but my mom used to do).  Plus my house is dirty, my car is a piece of unreliable crap, and we don't sit at home enough on the weekends.

That was the last straw for me.  I bust ass at work to make sure my client can be open for Black Friday in 3 locations, my son and I do all their major household chores, and that is how we are treated.    The drug addict step siblings in another state can step up and deal with this nonsense because I'm done.

by Ruby Member on Nov. 24, 2014 at 1:17 PM
This is my issue. Society in general compliments me for all that I do: my professors, my parents, my friends, my patrons.

I am far more critical of myself than anyone else is, but the older and wiser I get, the more I accept that I am just one person and I know I do my best. But indeed, my self-standards are very high.

Quoting Anonymous 1:

I put that pressure on muself and when I don't meet my expectations or fail them, I get super depressed.

by Ruby Member on Nov. 24, 2014 at 1:18 PM
As a sahm i feel like that a lot. I'm responsible for a child, a house, and various aspects of the lives of 3 adults including myself. And yet sometimes I feel guilty for stupid shit, like asking dh to take out the trash. There are times I'm afraid I ask too much of him, but then I realize he doesn't actually have a lot to do besides work. I do most cleaning, errands, appointments, and deal with random things that pop up. He's only expected to help with ds and do little things around the house. I even handle the finances, though we do discuss them. I have to remind myself a lot that it isn't reasonable for me to do everything by myself.
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