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Mamas who are wise!!

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 21 Replies
I know that this isn't the best group to ask for support, but I could really use some right now.

It's been about six months since my ex and I split.
We split because of his never-ending cheating.
He had several dating profiles where he was begging for sex from total strangers.
He also had physically cheated with a few girls that he met.
He also had a porn addiction that was impossible to get under control.

It's been the most devastating and heartbreaking time of my life.

I left when our son was four weeks old, and our daughter was 16 months.
I've been single ever since. I've been putting my time into my kids and my job and haven't really had a chance to even consider dating yet.



I think one of the main reasons that I can't even go to dinner with someone is because I'm still hurt.

Why am I still hurting over it?
Why do I still want to scream in his face?
Why do I still sometimes cry, although it isn't as often as it used to be?
Why am I not accepting that he's gone and that he's not sorry for hurting me?
Why do I keep hoping that he's going to change and that he's going to apologize to me?

Why can't I just be normal and accept the fact that he is gone forever?

Can somebody please give me some insight as to what will help me, if my feelings that I'm still feeling are okay?

I'm ashamed that I still love somebody who doesn't love me. :(
Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 24, 2014 at 4:14 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 24, 2014 at 4:14 PM
Bump
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 24, 2014 at 4:15 PM
Bump for advice please!
Molz09
by Platinum Member on Nov. 24, 2014 at 4:16 PM

Sounds like you might want to seek some counseling.  It's a really tough time period, and yes your feelings are normal, but you may want to go see someone and really be able to get it all out.  


*hugs*

brettsmomma
by ~Tammie~ on Nov. 24, 2014 at 4:17 PM

Things like this takes time! Enjoy the time with your kids. they are what matters the most. Guys will come and go ubtil one day you meet one you want to keep around. I never expected to meet another man after my divorce/ yet here I am happy as can be. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Nov. 24, 2014 at 4:19 PM
I think what you are saying is normal but now after 6 months you have to pull yourself up. He isn't worth how he is making you feel. Even if he did beg for your forgivess would you want it?! You and your kids deserve better. I don't think people change too much. If it's easy for him to cheat it will just get easier and easier. Start doing things to improve your attitude. Things for you. Try to meet people. Go to church. Whatever you need to do to forget him do it. You won't be able to move on until you do. Plus if he came back you would have to worry all the time wondering what he was up to.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Nov. 24, 2014 at 4:19 PM
1 mom liked this

Wow your self confidence was shaken to its core.  Of course it taked time to hea.  But maybe the fear of getting involved with anyone ese is causing you to hang on to what you think is love for the ex.  I guarantee you it is not love.  Its the "what ifs" and "if only he..." - thats not love.  

You are normal.  You are gving this complete power over you still,  Choose you - everyday.  Choose you.

when you meet someone else - and you will - you will look back on him and annouce "What the hell was I thinking?"  

I promise you this.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Nov. 24, 2014 at 4:20 PM
I don't know. It sounds like you're in love with the hopes and dreams of what could be. Try writing him a letter. Put it all out there. Then begin to edit the letter until you get to the root of your feelings. As in 10+ pages to 2 paragraphs. Then burn/destroy the letter. Closure must come from you.
nonyobizniz
by on Nov. 24, 2014 at 4:30 PM

 
Why am I still hurting over it?  because you are human
Why do I still want to scream in his face? because he is a lying cheating pos and he betrayed your love and your trust and your family
Why do I still sometimes cry, although it isn't as often as it used to be? because you are human, the grieving process takes a while
Why am I not accepting that he's gone and that he's not sorry for hurting me? because it would be nice to know they are hurting as bad as we are, but thats not usually the case, and taking karma ito your own hands is not a good idea btw
Why do I keep hoping that he's going to change and that he's going to apologize to me? because a part of you will always love and miss the man you remember, the man you thought he was and hoped he would be. but the thing is, after all of this, even if he apologised and said he would change, would you REALLY believe him or want him back? you can do so much better


Why can't I just be normal and accept the fact that he is gone forever? because you are human. you loved him, you trusted him and had built a life with him and its going to take a while to stop missing him. your head knows you're better off, but i have learned ; my heart and my vagina are idiots. so dont listen to them.

Can somebody please give me some insight as to what will help me, if my feelings that I'm still feeling are okay? have you tried dating? at all? i go on dates. lots and lots of first dates after which i never speak to the guy again because ..well..**shrugs** i dunno...but its good to get out there and feel desirable again

I'm ashamed that I still love somebody who doesn't love me. :(

you are not the one who chose to have your marriage end this way, you were the one who had the rug pulled out from under your feet, its traumatic stuff.

he's the father of your children you will always "love" him, but eventually you will be ok with just caring about him instead of wanting back what you thought you had, right? :)

this too shall pass

 

Candiebears
by Member on Nov. 24, 2014 at 4:31 PM

You can't help who you love. Eventually you will move on and date again! But you deserve better than him! Much better! Give all of your love to your kids and they'll return it tenfold!

crumpy_gat
by No. on Nov. 24, 2014 at 4:33 PM

Give it time, it's been 6 months!  I don't understand why some women rush right into dating so soon after breaking up.  Focus on your babies while they're still young, wait until you're ready to go for dinner with someone.

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