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vent or advice

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 20 Replies
So a friend of mine has her nephew as a foster child. She works husband stays home. They get food cash and daycare help (daycare when they are both working) They had plans on adopting the little one. If that happens the won't get much or any help I guess. Maybe food she doesn't make a lot of money. But I have been helping babysit for the family thinking they are doing a great thing for this little boy and I know it's a lot on the dad as their kids are now grown. I'm home all day anyway it's not too hard to have the little one here. They don't pay me but if it helps them out i was ok with it. But I found out they are not planning on adopting the little boy anymore because they will lose the pa they are on. They can start the adoption processes soon they have done what they need to to locate the baby's bio parents. The parents don't show up to court haven't don't the required drug treatment.

But now I feel like if dads just going to sit at home and they will continue to get cash food then I should not be offering free babysitting. It makes me mad that they will choose to not adopt him so they get more free stuff.

Yes I know it's my choice to babysit or not but it's hard because I feel like the little one needs more love. Just vent but add your opinions
Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 24, 2014 at 9:26 PM
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Replies (1-10):
amy-momof5
by Silver Member on Nov. 24, 2014 at 9:29 PM
1 mom liked this
There are adoption subsidies, tax credits,and normally Medicaid that go with adopted kids. And if they're eligible for fs and daycare now idk why they wouldn't be then
vegaswife2011
by LMAO on Nov. 24, 2014 at 9:31 PM
Sad he's just a paycheck to them.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Nov. 24, 2014 at 9:33 PM
How would this little boy be less loved by not being adopted?
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 24, 2014 at 9:33 PM
Really? I thought it was just because they had him as a foster child they got help. Thank you. If that's the case Mayne she's choosing to not adopt for other reasons. And if that's the case I would be ok babysitting.

Quoting amy-momof5: There are adoption subsidies, tax credits,and normally Medicaid that go with adopted kids. And if they're eligible for fs and daycare now idk why they wouldn't be then
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Nov. 24, 2014 at 9:34 PM

That is completely pathetic of your friend. That's low. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 24, 2014 at 9:34 PM
That's how it sounded after talking with her :(

Quoting vegaswife2011: Sad he's just a paycheck to them.
Shy_Dia
by Emerald Member on Nov. 24, 2014 at 9:36 PM
My friends are the opposite- My son's grandma has temp custody of her grandchild. She receives NO help from the state even though she's beyond poor ($1,800/month), and this was supposed to be a temporary thing.

Another person- same situation, grandma with grandchild, but this one has full custody. She gets food stamps, even though she works a main and side job, she gets clothing vouchers twice a year, it was no issue getting the kid on state Healthcare, she gets a monthly check from the state (not child support). She signed up for having custody, not a temporary thing but a life long (or at least until 18)... yet she receives more help. Makes no sense to me.

in your case, if husband isn't working then regular child care isn't needed. You can offer like once or twice a month, but there's no shame in saying you don't need it, i won't provide it.

How are they financially? Maybe they are thinking long term? My foster mom didn't adopt one of her foster kids bc they receive college help, there was more resources open to them vs adopted kids. But they also run the risk of biological parents coming back and trying to regain custody.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 24, 2014 at 9:39 PM
WAit by me? I know it stresses the dad out to have him 5 days week so I have been helping 1 or 2 days. But if they plan on just keeping things as is so they get more money then I don't wAnt to be a part of it. I kinda also felt the little one needed more attention than dad sitting around all day when I offered to help out. Not being adopted he still needs more attention but I just feel like I would need to move on and let them do their thing. It just doesn't seem honest I guess

Quoting Anonymous 2: How would this little boy be less loved by not being adopted?
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 24, 2014 at 9:44 PM
They are low income.

I was never adopted with the thought my parents getting there life together and maybe them getting the option to parent. They didn't but my family never needed any financial help so I know that wasn't a reason.

I guess it just seems like a permanent loving thing for them to do and they made it seem like they changed their mind for more help. And it just made me sad.

Quoting Shy_Dia: My friends are the opposite- My son's grandma has temp custody of her grandchild. She receives NO help from the state even though she's beyond poor ($1,800/month), and this was supposed to be a temporary thing.

Another person- same situation, grandma with grandchild, but this one has full custody. She gets food stamps, even though she works a main and side job, she gets clothing vouchers twice a year, it was no issue getting the kid on state Healthcare, she gets a monthly check from the state (not child support). She signed up for having custody, not a temporary thing but a life long (or at least until 18)... yet she receives more help. Makes no sense to me.

in your case, if husband isn't working then regular child care isn't needed. You can offer like once or twice a month, but there's no shame in saying you don't need it, i won't provide it.

How are they financially? Maybe they are thinking long term? My foster mom didn't adopt one of her foster kids bc they receive college help, there was more resources open to them vs adopted kids. But they also run the risk of biological parents coming back and trying to regain custody.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 24, 2014 at 9:45 PM
Not a close friend I guess I could add but I felt the same way.

Quoting Anonymous 3:

That is completely pathetic of your friend. That's low. 

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