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I don't care if you gave birth to them, you can't see them!

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 75 Replies
My husband and I have been together for 8 years. He has twins from his first marriage who are now 10. Bm has been in the picture consistently, we do one week on one week off. We get along pretty well, always have, but the last six months or so she was been really different, distant, and not wanting to really talk to us, before she would come to the door when we did pickups/drop offs, now she doesn't, and won't respond to texts or calls, so we got the kids phones so if they needed to they could talk to us. Nothing about the kids has changed, they seem just as happy to see her and say she treats them like she always has. so we figured bm was just started to resent us for some reason. They are in weekly therapy and they said nothing unusual to the therapist

We get a call from school last monday (her day to pick up) saying that she hasnt shown up, we go get the kids and find out that they havent seen her since Saturday night. They didn't call because she took their phones. We call her, drive by her house, call her parents, her siblings,the hospitals, nothing. We go down to the police station to file a missing persons report. A week goes by and we don't hear anything.

We got a call late monday night. It was her, asking us to come bail her out of jail...My dh goes down there, and finds out that she is being held without bail. She got herself mixed up with some bad people, and long story short, she's been sleeping with a gang "associate" (whatever thay means). He picked her up Saturday night. Sometime after he picked her up He beat the living crap out of some other guy and she helped him. They left him for dead. She's being charged with attempted murder, with gang enhancements, which apparently could mean a looong prison stay

She wants us to pay for an attorney... And to bring the kids to see her weekly. I know she's their BM, but we don't have the money for a freaking defense attorney, nor does it seem like a good idea to take preteens to a jail to see their mom who help try to murder someone, especially when she left them alone to go do it. DH is so mad he can't see straight. And the girls are just upset they may not see her for awhile.

So would you pay for your kids bm's attorney? Would you take them to see her at the jail??
Posted by Anonymous on Dec. 12, 2014 at 9:41 AM
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Replies (1-10):
zacmacsmomm
by Ruby Member on Dec. 12, 2014 at 9:43 AM
2 moms liked this

No and NO!  She made her choice, sadly it wasn't her kids.

momma2mms
by Kristin on Dec. 12, 2014 at 9:46 AM

No and no.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Dec. 12, 2014 at 9:47 AM
1 mom liked this
Nope sure wouldn't. Kids don't need to see that and she should have thought about what would happen when she was caught.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Dec. 12, 2014 at 9:47 AM
2 moms liked this
He'll no. I would be going for full custody asap too!
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Dec. 12, 2014 at 9:49 AM

No and no.  She made her choices.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 12, 2014 at 9:49 AM
So, if she were to get convictwd, and do 10 years or whatever, would you take the kids to see her at all, would you allow contact?

I don't want to take them to the jail. But I also don't want the last time they see their mother to be her leaving them in the middle of the night. Ya know? Or for the last time to be he being lead away at a trial. I just don't know. I don't want to traumitize the girls, but I feel like whether they see her again or don't, both could be traumatizing

Quoting zacmacsmomm:

No and NO!  She made her choice, sadly it wasn't her kids.

TexanMomOf6
by Platinum Member on Dec. 12, 2014 at 9:49 AM
2 moms liked this
I think the state pays for a defense attorney if she can't afford one. Let that happen.


I would talk to the therapist about if and when your dh should take the girls to see the mom.

Danesmommy1
by Grammar Enthusiast on Dec. 12, 2014 at 9:50 AM
No and hell no. Jail isn't a place for kids.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Dec. 12, 2014 at 9:50 AM
1 mom liked this
No to the attorney. ..but if the kids asked to see BM then yes. Im assuming she's in county right now. Once she gets sent to prison she may not even be in the same state and chances of the kids seeing her then would be slim due to school, work and finances depending on location. So yes, if the kids asked to see their mom I would not stand in the way.
MommyTo5Boys
by Gold Member on Dec. 12, 2014 at 9:51 AM
1 mom liked this

The attorney Hell No!

Taking them to see her, IDK.
It would depend on how long she was going to be there and how the kids felt about it. Since they are almost teens, and up until this point she has been a very involved mother I would consider it if they wished, if they were younger though, no way.

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