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Should husbands help SAHMs?

Posted by Anonymous
  • 56 Replies
How much should your DH help you if he works and you stay home? Last night for example I only slept 3 hours because I had terrible allergies. I don't expect DH to wake up with the baby the majority of the time but do you think he should have today? He doesn't work until afternoon.

I was so sleep deprived, I said "I don't want any more babies!" I didn't mean it though, we want at least one more. He replied "that's okay." Am I an ass for saying that? He doesn't read between the lines.

I love being a SAHM, but it's also 24/7 with no help. I actually thought about going back to work for more $ but realized all of the child care responsibilities would still fall on me. *sigh* sorry just venting. 😩
Posted by Anonymous on Dec. 12, 2014 at 11:28 AM
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by *Claire-Bear* on Dec. 12, 2014 at 11:29 AM

It is up to whatever that couple decides upon. 

I'm a SAHM that homeschools 2 kiddos... DH works from home. All 4 of us are home during the day so everyone pitches in..that's just the way it works in our home and it works well. 


" I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13 

by Anonymous 3 on Dec. 12, 2014 at 11:32 AM

I know how you feel. Ds is 3. I have never had a day away from him to do things. I had a 4 day break when i needed my gallbladder removed, but as soon as i was home it was right back to taking care of a 2 month old. He will not let MIL babysit, for even an hour so i can have some hubby time, or alone time.

I do all of the cleaning and yard work. I have a very spoiled husband.

by Anonymous 2 on Dec. 12, 2014 at 11:32 AM
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Marriage is a partnership.  Partners are equals.  Just because one of the partners stay at home while the other goes to work does not excuse the other partner from helping out around the home...

My sister-in-law is a SAHM.  My brother works to support the family.  He still picks up his own messes and he even does the dishes (something his wife doesn't like to do).

In a marriage, it is not a 50/50 thing.  It is 100+/100+

by Anonymous 4 on Dec. 12, 2014 at 11:32 AM
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My husband never got up in the middle of the night and I didn't expect him to. During the day is a different story though. If he's not at work, there's no reason he shouldn't help with the children.

by Platinum Member on Dec. 12, 2014 at 11:32 AM
Have you asked him to help? He IS still a father. Having a job doesn't mean he doesn't have to be a responsible dad. Yeah, maybe he shouldn't have to does mountains of laundry and dishes, but he can take care of his kid so you can get some sleep! I don't understand how dads aren't expected to BE dads anymore...
by on Dec. 12, 2014 at 11:34 AM
I'd ask DH to take care of the baby for a couple of hours while I napped. My DH wouldn't have an issue. Some men just need the verbal question to get it.

DH helps with the kids whenever he can because we BOTH created them. The house, cooking, laundry etc. falls on me. That's my "job".
by Platinum Member on Dec. 12, 2014 at 11:35 AM
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When I was staying home, I only asked that he pick up after himself and put things where they belong. Even though I work now, I still do the majority of the cleaning and all the cooking. He helps with laundry and cleaning the table after dinner. He also does the majority of the yard work. I do everything else, not because he won't, but because I like things done a certain way and would just rather do it myself. Any time I do ask for more help than usual, he's happy to jump right in.

by Ruby Member on Dec. 12, 2014 at 11:35 AM
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Our house has always operated by the rule "You live here, you help keep things up." DH has always been great about coming home and helping out and setting an example for the kids. 

As for "he doesn't read between the lines"... most men are not mind readers. I'm 53 and have yet to meet one that is. Open communication is a key here. Instead of saying what you don't mean ("I don't want any more babies") say what you DO mean... "Honey, I haven't been able to sleep because of my allergies. I'm heading back to bed. Wake me up when you need to start getting ready for work." Then, go back to bed.

If he fusses about that... or won't let you sleep... then the issue isn't you being a SAHM, but him being a jerk.

by Anonymous 5 on Dec. 12, 2014 at 11:36 AM

There is absolutely no reason that all of the child care responsibilities would fall on you if you're at work all day too. This is the kind of thing to talk over with you husband so he understands that he will be expected to pull his weight too.

I think you need to balance things out a bit better. Being a SAHM does not mean that you are on call 24/7 and your hubby gets to come home after work and put his feet under the table. The best fathers are the ones who are hands-on not the ones who vanish into their den or behind their computer or newspaper. They are the ones that are most appreciated by their children and their wives. 

It's not fair that he works 8 hours per day but you do 18 ...

by Silver Member on Dec. 12, 2014 at 11:36 AM

I'm a sahm and i dont all the house work. Its just kinda our agreement. On weekends hubs with look after ds while I have some time to myself or if I am having a night out with a friend or something, I am certainly not confined to the house lol and he also will help wth major house cleans like once a year we do a big get rid of everything we havent used this year type of clean lol. But this works for us. We chose for me not to go back to work so my new job is house lady :) 

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