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We shouldn't be allowed to come to Christmas? What. The. Fuck.

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 49 Replies
My SIL and brother had a stillborn in January. It was an absolutely horrible time for them and although her and I have never been best friends, we were as supportive as we could be - babysitting their other kids, meals, I even drove her to therapy a bunch of times when she wouldn't get out of bed and my brother had to work.

My son is 6 months old. Again, I was as sensitive as possible during my pregnancy and downplayed everything because I can't even imagine how hard it was for her. We went to my husband's family out west for thanksgiving, so we didn't see them there.

Now, my mom called me yesterday and said that my brother begged her to uninvite us since it's too hard for her to see my son on what would have been her baby's first Christmas. Is she kidding?

Again, I'm truly sorry this is so hard for her, but if she's the one with the problem, why don't they stay home? My brother said its because he
Doesn't think she can handle not being around family, and they can't afford to fly to her parents, so would we please stay home. And now, my poor mom is caught in the middle because she's hosting.

I'm so irritated that he's trying to guilt me into not going because of my son.
Posted by Anonymous on Dec. 12, 2014 at 1:50 PM
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Replies (1-10):
angelachristine
by Ruby Member on Dec. 12, 2014 at 1:51 PM
1 mom liked this
No screw that. Unless your mom says not to come I'd ignore it.
littlesippycup
by Baby T-rex Arms on Dec. 12, 2014 at 1:51 PM
1 mom liked this

My feelings would be very hurt and I would be angry but I wouldn't go where I or my children weren't wanted. 

LadyEmris
by Gold Member on Dec. 12, 2014 at 1:53 PM
2 moms liked this
I understand theyre both hurting but to have you uninvited to a holiday is not fair. She needs to continue to seek therapy. How does she leave her house if she can't handle seeing other babies?
casah4
by on Dec. 12, 2014 at 1:55 PM
2 moms liked this

I know she's devastated, but she has to realize at some point that the world doesn't revolve around her and her feelings. She is absolutely entitled to grieve as long as she needs to, but she can't dictate other people's actions because of how she feels. 

marmie41
by Gold Member on Dec. 12, 2014 at 1:56 PM
She has to face this now. Go to Christmas at moms. She need to realize that life goes on. She can not adjust the entire world to accommodate her grief and loss. I am speaking from experience. Better she faces this now so she can get on the road to accepting and dealing with this sad and traumatic situation.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Dec. 12, 2014 at 1:57 PM
1 mom liked this

that is not acceptable, the brother should have told his wife, she needs to deal, the mother could have told her or son that she needs to deal.

sorry she went through this, but does she avoid all places that could have a baby, all stores, all restaurants, libraries, parks, anywhere public

she needs more therapy, it was almost a year ago and she can not be same room as a baby!?

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 12, 2014 at 1:57 PM
Not to mention, if they had bothered to have this little revelation weeks ago, we could have bought flights to my husband's parents again, but my husband now can't request time off to make such an expensive trip worth it because the deadline at his work has passed.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Dec. 12, 2014 at 1:57 PM
2 moms liked this

Wow.  While I didn't have a miscarriage, DH and I struggled for almsot 4 years to get pregnant.  During that time, a niece gets pregnant (not married, unplanned, kicked baby daddy to the curb and was engaged to 2 other guys..all while pregnant.  I can't make that up).  It was very hard for us, me especially.  Christmas was at our house that year.  While it would have been easier emotionally without having her and the baby there, I could not "uninvite" her.  It was something I had to deal with.  Go.  Be respectufl of her emotions, don't make her hold teh baby or fawn over the baby.  But, its your mom and family.  You have the right to be there.

kee1006b
by Gold Member on Dec. 12, 2014 at 1:59 PM

And then the deceased baby's second, third, fourth etc.  she needs more therapy

Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Dec. 12, 2014 at 2:00 PM
3 moms liked this

Who is she to dictate where you can and can't celebrate the holidays?! I'd call her directly and talk with her. You've been as patient and understanding as possible during an absolutely horrific time in her life, but for her to demand that you not go to a holiday dinner because you have what she does not is too much. She needs to come back to reality and learn how to go forward in her life. You shouldn't have to keep tiptoeing around her.

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