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Did I over react?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 4 Replies

My seven year old son doesn't apply himself in school.  When I sit down with him and walk him through things, whether it be math or writing a summary on a book he just read, he does really well and seems to understand.  His teacher and I agree he just rushes through his work.

He came home with a blue (not good) yesterday and a comment saying how he's been turning in incomplete work all week, she knows he can do better etc.

I took this as a reflection of my parenting.  Am I not working with him enough? Maybe I should go about it another way?  All kinds of things cross my mind on how I can help him understand how important it is to put his best foot forward every time.  It's very frustrating because I know he can do it, I've seen it, so has his teacher.

So, I was on the phone with SO who's out of town (not my son's bio dad but treats him very well) and he was getting so mad at me.  He was telling me that this is on my son, not me and there's only so much I can do.  I feel like I need to change up the way I'm teaching him because I'm obviously doing something wrong.  SO told me to stop blaming myself and by the end of the conversation he was pissed that I was upset when he thinks it's on my son to fix it.  Maybe I over reacted, but all I was doing was venting to him.  I felt like he was trying to put all the blame on my son's shoulders.  I feel like yes, he is to be responsible for his decisions, but that I also need to change up my approach at home so he can succeed in class.

Do I need to take my hands off the reigns a little?  I feel like if I do then I'll be failing my son.

Posted by Anonymous on Dec. 12, 2014 at 4:42 PM
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Replies (1-4):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 12, 2014 at 4:44 PM

bump

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Dec. 12, 2014 at 4:48 PM
Keep trying different things till you find something that works. I wouldn't give up on a 7 year old. They still need your guidance to help with homework and such.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Dec. 12, 2014 at 4:48 PM
Yes, you overreacted. I disagree with your bf though.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Dec. 12, 2014 at 4:52 PM

I had this exact same problem with my son last year in 4th grade.  It took his father and I making appointments with the teacher (ds came to the appointments) to let ds know that we all knew he was lazy and that it wasn't going to fly with any of us.  It was a big talk about how the habits he develops now will effect him the rest of his life and if he didn't do his best he wouldn't get to do the things he enjoyed doing - not just that day/week but potentially for the rest of his life (long term thinking isn't a strong suit for kids so we had the immediate consequences but we still wanted to plant the seed that the foundation built now will serve him in the future).  It took all last year of cracking down on him and this year he is living up to his potential and is very proud of himself. 

I would not suggest backing off.  Does he really care if he falls behind and gets bad grades?  I doubt it since he won't really understand what that means to his ability to do the work next year and the year after.  It would be like letting him decide whether or not he wants to brush his teeth and just letting him not do it so he suffers the consequences of cavities. 


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