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feeling guilty...

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 10 Replies
I am a SAHM to a 3 yr old and a 5 day old baby. I had a c-section and my parents came in for the 2 days we were in the hospital but couldn't stay longer as they had to get back to work. My husband and I live far away from any family and are struggling a little financially especially around this time of year. Hubby had chance for lots of overtime and we can't pass that up so he went right back to work.
So I am 5 days post-op and taking care of a 3yr old and newborn by myself for 10 hour stretches at a time. I've been doing ok I think, obviously newborns sleep a lot so I still have time to play with DD but I am exhausted lol.
Even though I am pushing through and spending any free time from my new baby to play with DD, it is still obviously not the same amount of attention she is used to aftr 3 years of me staying home with her.
She told me today that she thinks I don't love her because I am always taking care of her baby brother. I explained that I love her very much and always will, but babies need help doing things because they aren't as big as her and able to do things on their own. I even tell her that I'm so glad she is such a big girl and can do all sorts of fun cool stuff with me that baby can't do yet.
DH comes home and there's not really too much he can do since I'm bfing. he will hold the baby while I need to get something done and he will help me as much as he can but for the most part when he gets home.. DD is sooo happy to see him and drags him off to play.
I feel guilty because now it seems like she thinks I'm just mean mommy who can't play like I used to and daddy comes home being awesome and plays with her.
I'm thankful for my wonderful DH but it still makes me feel guilty :(
I'm hormonal and exhausted and just needed to vent!
Any other sahms experience this feeling once baby number two came?
Posted by Anonymous on Dec. 20, 2014 at 4:43 AM
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Replies (1-10):
MrsViau
by PinkGiraffe on Dec. 20, 2014 at 4:47 AM
Yup. I did. It was horrible and I cried all the time about it. Even tho I spent time with him when she was sleeping, it wasn't enough :( broke my heart.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Dec. 20, 2014 at 4:48 AM
I have a 2 week old and feel guilty that I'm not spending as much time with my oldest. Having said that, I'm only a SAHM for the next 16 weeks so I have even more to feel guilty about than you!
Mrs.Elsey8486
by Platinum Member on Dec. 20, 2014 at 4:49 AM

I had my first 2 very close together so didnt have this issue. But it is still new to her. She will not feel this way long, especially when baby can start doing more :-)

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 20, 2014 at 4:49 AM
:( Did it change your relationship with your son?

Quoting MrsViau: Yup. I did. It was horrible and I cried all the time about it. Even tho I spent time with him when she was sleeping, it wasn't enough :( broke my heart.
MrsViau
by PinkGiraffe on Dec. 20, 2014 at 4:51 AM
Honestly, it did for a little bit. But once I got into a schedule and a routine we found plenty of things to so together. And even found some small things to do when she was eating. And it got so much better. Now she is 11 months old and walking and they love to play together. Give it time, it will work out.

Quoting Anonymous 1: :( Did it change your relationship with your son?

Quoting MrsViau: Yup. I did. It was horrible and I cried all the time about it. Even tho I spent time with him when she was sleeping, it wasn't enough :( broke my heart.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 20, 2014 at 4:54 AM
Thank you so much! It's breaking my heart and I cry about it a lot too. We are hardly even a week into it though, I hope it gets easier soon!

Quoting MrsViau: Honestly, it did for a little bit. But once I got into a schedule and a routine we found plenty of things to so together. And even found some small things to do when she was eating. And it got so much better. Now she is 11 months old and walking and they love to play together. Give it time, it will work out.

Quoting Anonymous 1: :( Did it change your relationship with your son?

Quoting MrsViau: Yup. I did. It was horrible and I cried all the time about it. Even tho I spent time with him when she was sleeping, it wasn't enough :( broke my heart.
MrsViau
by PinkGiraffe on Dec. 20, 2014 at 4:57 AM
Your welcome :) I know it's hard, but it will get better. Best thing you can do is make a schedule and a routine. And make extra fun stuff to do with your oldest. Like when baby is sleeping make cookies. When baby wakes up feed baby then when baby is back to sleep decorate the cookies. I did that with my son and he loved it. Did you buy a toy as a "gift" from the new baby?

Quoting Anonymous 1: Thank you so much! It's breaking my heart and I cry about it a lot too. We are hardly even a week into it though, I hope it gets easier soon!

Quoting MrsViau: Honestly, it did for a little bit. But once I got into a schedule and a routine we found plenty of things to so together. And even found some small things to do when she was eating. And it got so much better. Now she is 11 months old and walking and they love to play together. Give it time, it will work out.

Quoting Anonymous 1: :( Did it change your relationship with your son?

Quoting MrsViau: Yup. I did. It was horrible and I cried all the time about it. Even tho I spent time with him when she was sleeping, it wasn't enough :( broke my heart.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 20, 2014 at 5:00 AM
Yes! We picked her up a toy she had been wanting for a while and had it at the hospital when she came to visit!
Cookies is a great idea, she looooves making stuff in the kitchen. Now I know what we will be doing tomorrow while DH works!! :)

Quoting MrsViau: Your welcome :) I know it's hard, but it will get better. Best thing you can do is make a schedule and a routine. And make extra fun stuff to do with your oldest. Like when baby is sleeping make cookies. When baby wakes up feed baby then when baby is back to sleep decorate the cookies. I did that with my son and he loved it. Did you buy a toy as a "gift" from the new baby?

Quoting Anonymous 1: Thank you so much! It's breaking my heart and I cry about it a lot too. We are hardly even a week into it though, I hope it gets easier soon!

Quoting MrsViau: Honestly, it did for a little bit. But once I got into a schedule and a routine we found plenty of things to so together. And even found some small things to do when she was eating. And it got so much better. Now she is 11 months old and walking and they love to play together. Give it time, it will work out.

Quoting Anonymous 1: :( Did it change your relationship with your son?

Quoting MrsViau: Yup. I did. It was horrible and I cried all the time about it. Even tho I spent time with him when she was sleeping, it wasn't enough :( broke my heart.
MrsViau
by PinkGiraffe on Dec. 20, 2014 at 5:02 AM
Great! We did also :) my son loved it and we played with it all the time. Even took a pic with it. Lol. I would google all kinds of baking things to do with her. If she loves being in the kitchen make that happen a lot if you can :) Good luck!! Seems like you are doing everything right, it just takes time for everyone to adjust. Y'all will get there.

Quoting Anonymous 1: Yes! We picked her up a toy she had been wanting for a while and had it at the hospital when she came to visit!
Cookies is a great idea, she looooves making stuff in the kitchen. Now I know what we will be doing tomorrow while DH works!! :)

Quoting MrsViau: Your welcome :) I know it's hard, but it will get better. Best thing you can do is make a schedule and a routine. And make extra fun stuff to do with your oldest. Like when baby is sleeping make cookies. When baby wakes up feed baby then when baby is back to sleep decorate the cookies. I did that with my son and he loved it. Did you buy a toy as a "gift" from the new baby?

Quoting Anonymous 1: Thank you so much! It's breaking my heart and I cry about it a lot too. We are hardly even a week into it though, I hope it gets easier soon!

Quoting MrsViau: Honestly, it did for a little bit. But once I got into a schedule and a routine we found plenty of things to so together. And even found some small things to do when she was eating. And it got so much better. Now she is 11 months old and walking and they love to play together. Give it time, it will work out.

Quoting Anonymous 1: :( Did it change your relationship with your son?

Quoting MrsViau: Yup. I did. It was horrible and I cried all the time about it. Even tho I spent time with him when she was sleeping, it wasn't enough :( broke my heart.
lucky2Beeme
by Emerald Member on Dec. 20, 2014 at 5:47 AM

Yes absolutely. Mine were 13months apart. Dh went back to work day after I came home. He was gone 12 hours a day. Do what you can do and STOP feeling Guilty. You are doing the best you can do. Your DD will adjust , This is the new version of your old family.

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