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am i over reacting?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 39 Replies
I think my dh has some sort of anger towards me. It seems to me like he's not participating in our relationship anymore. Some examples:

1. If he leaves or he's out for a while he won't answer when I call. I have to have a pretty good damn reason to justify my need to call. No reason I give is ever good enough. Like "hey you left me at so and so's house and it turns out she and her roommate do cocaine I don't want to be here and I didn't know you were leaving." He'll complain that I didn't handle it myself, even the letting him know what was going on is apparently me babying him?

2. I can't ask to spend time together. Time together must be on his terms. Compromise isn't even an option. A common compromise I might offer will be "hey honey can you just do a free more rounds/levels on your video game and come hang out with me?" To me that seems reasonable. He says no and offers no alternative compromises. I'm open to his ideas, but the lack of an idea frustrates me. :\

3. He acts annoyed when I flirt sexually with him. He will go ahead and do it sometimes, but that initial annoyed look burns in my head. I have a higher sex drive, so I try hard not to come onto to him too often. Like I don't even say a sexually innuendo for at least three days at a time. Admittedly I do start to flirt with sexual intentions after a about 4-5 days. :/ but this is a great improvement. I used to try daily. I still want it every day. So much that it burns, but I try to respect his lack of a desire.

4. Any amount of an argument or disagreement he wants to shut down immediately and if I try to continue to you know, reach an understanding or solve the issue that caused the disagreement I'm forcing him to fight? He claims of I left him alone he would eventually come to me to talk about whatever it was, but he never does. I've waited days before.

5. Sometimes he'll throw out something like "we should make dinner before I leave" and then he won't do it. He'll stall without telling me or letting me know it's almost time for him to go.. And then I feel ditched. That little gesture of making a meal together matters. If I express hurt over it he says. "Well if you were hungry why didn't you just make something without me." He just refuses to see why I was looking forward to doing and enjoying something together that he offered without my insistence.

6. If we're asked as a couple of we want to do something he leaves the decision entirely up to me. I won't offer input. He won't decide. He won't even discuss the options with me. I have to busy blindly decide on my own for both of us. I know this is in theory a nice gesture on his part, but it just seems like he's not participating. It can be as someone asking where we want to go for our anniversary because they want to do something nice for us, and I ask him what sounds good. Her won't even give a vague idea. He won't even say what he wouldn't want. Won't give any ideas. Even if I do most the leg work and just ask if its okay with him, he won't give input. I'll ask "I think Billy Bob's bar b que sounds fun, is that fine with you" his response will be "You need to decide, why can't you decide on your own."

I just don't know.

I try a lot to give him praise and compliments. I term him how well he provides. I tell him he's handsome. I do my best to relieve his stresses. I make sure he's up for work. I just feel like I'm the only one making this a relationship.
Posted by Anonymous on Dec. 20, 2014 at 10:11 AM
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Replies (1-10):
epoh
by Ruby Member on Dec. 20, 2014 at 10:12 AM
1 mom liked this
You lost me at hanging out with people that are doing coke.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Dec. 20, 2014 at 10:15 AM
How long have you been together? All that behavior seems off, especially the sex part. Could he be cheating?
PPCLC
by AZ Lizard on Dec. 20, 2014 at 10:16 AM

No, not overreacting IMO.

Something is definitely up with him but is this how he's always been? I am guessing no, or you wouldn't have married him.

I'd suggest counseling for you both but it doesn't sound like he'd warm up to that idea very easily,though it might be necessary to salvage your marriage.

You have some decisions to make. Do you want to stay put, continuing to put up with this from him?

lancet98
by Ruby Member on Dec. 20, 2014 at 10:17 AM

So, OP, what do you think the problem is, and how do you think it  can be fixed?

MrsRA
by Gold Member on Dec. 20, 2014 at 10:19 AM

How old is he?

How long have you been together? 

It does sound like he isn't even a part of your relationship. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 20, 2014 at 10:56 AM
I had no idea it was going to happen. I hate being around drugs. I didn't even know these people used drugs. They just randomly brought it out. My jaw dropped and I went straight outside and called him terrified. It was supposed to be card games and beer. I'm not even a drinker, but I wanted to socialize. He got mad at me for calling. Even though I did end up walking somewhere to get away from the drug use, I wanted to talk about it. Idk

Quoting epoh: You lost me at hanging out with people that are doing coke.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 20, 2014 at 10:59 AM
Even before dating we were friends for years. He's always had a lower sex drive compared to most men. He'd rather cuddle. The only thing he really does that seems relationship like is cuddle. He wants to cuddle a lot. Sex just isn't a big deal to him. :/

Quoting Anonymous 2: How long have you been together? All that behavior seems off, especially the sex part. Could he be cheating?
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 20, 2014 at 11:01 AM
Had not always been this way. He's always had a lower sex drive than me, buy everything else is like a stranger. He had always been loving sweet and attentive.

Since it seems like he's refusing to participate, I'm not sure what hope counseling has. :(

Quoting PPCLC:

No, not overreacting IMO.

Something is definitely up with him but is this how he's always been? I am guessing no, or you wouldn't have married him.

I'd suggest counseling for you both but it doesn't sound like he'd warm up to that idea very easily,though it might be necessary to salvage your marriage.

You have some decisions to make. Do you want to stay put, continuing to put up with this from him?

Snapdragon88
by Ruby Member on Dec. 20, 2014 at 11:03 AM
1 mom liked this
Uh, no you're not. Fuck all that.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 20, 2014 at 11:04 AM
He's always been sweet and stuff. Until recently. This started in September. It went a way temporarily in November, but came back towards the end of the month.

I have no idea. I don't think he even understands what I'm trying to say about it when I've tried talking to him. Or he doesn't care. But I don't want to go with the bad thing first.

I'm not sure what would fix this. An attitude change from him, but I can't do that for him.

Quoting lancet98:

So, OP, what do you think the problem is, and how do you think it  can be fixed?

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