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DSS jealous.... of new baby

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 5 Replies

DSS is 4 years old and he has been the only child until his BM had a new baby in January. A few months later, DH and I had a baby who is now 8 months. This is the first Christmas for both the new boys and so I know BM has quite a few gifts under her tree for each of the children (even has presents for my ds) and I have a lot of presents under our tree for all three boys as well. There isn't any issues with BM and I, we actually all function like a family and everyones kid is included. 

Anyways, all 3 boys will be at her house on Christmas Eve and than she is bringing them all over to our house on Christmas Day. Well DSS was in awe of all the presents and he started pointing asking who is this one for and who is that one for and so on. When we started saying this present was for his first younger brother or his 2nd younger brother - he tried throwing away the presents because they were not all for him. 

Dh tried explaining that we have gifts for ALL of the kids under the Christmas tree and DSS threw this massive tantrum and said the babies were "ruining his life". 

How can we help him get past this jealousy? This isn't the first time this has happened but it's been almost a year since he became a big brother, I thought this would wear off by now. 

Oh and it doesn't help that his first younger brother from BM was born on his birthday due to emergency c-section. So this has been quite a shock for him I'm sure. 

Any advice? 

Posted by Anonymous on Dec. 20, 2014 at 11:32 AM
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Replies (1-5):
Zazayam
by Ruby Member on Dec. 20, 2014 at 11:36 AM

Is he really involved with the babies? When I had my second, my oldest was a little like that. It helped a lot to tell him things like 'You're such a great big brother, I'm so proud of you for helping with the baby' and letting him hear me tell the baby how lucky he was for having such an awesome big brother. Also actually having him help with the baby, bringing diapers, toys, helping pick out clothes, just anything and everything to make him feel involved, I guess.

Pretty great that you have such a nice family arrangement, btw.

MommyDzzz
by on Dec. 20, 2014 at 12:22 PM
1 mom liked this
Totally agree! Involve as much as possible!

Quoting Zazayam:

Is he really involved with the babies? When I had my second, my oldest was a little like that. It helped a lot to tell him things like 'You're such a great big brother, I'm so proud of you for helping with the baby' and letting him hear me tell the baby how lucky he was for having such an awesome big brother. Also actually having him help with the baby, bringing diapers, toys, helping pick out clothes, just anything and everything to make him feel involved, I guess.

Pretty great that you have such a nice family arrangement, btw.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 20, 2014 at 2:15 PM

he is involved. He helps me with feeding him (I pump just so he can help feed the baby), I let him bring the diapers, toys, even let him sorta babysit him while I'm tying my shoes. He's fine up until he realizes the baby is getting gifts, or a relatives attention such as grandma's attention. All hell breaks loose if his older cousins or Uncle/Aunt hold him. 

At first, we were going to put the crib into DSS's room but when he attempted to destroy it, we moved it into our room. This still upsets DSS, he keeps saying things like, "I'm the baby" and we tell him, no you're the awesome big brother. 

Nothing works. 

Quoting Zazayam:

Is he really involved with the babies? When I had my second, my oldest was a little like that. It helped a lot to tell him things like 'You're such a great big brother, I'm so proud of you for helping with the baby' and letting him hear me tell the baby how lucky he was for having such an awesome big brother. Also actually having him help with the baby, bringing diapers, toys, helping pick out clothes, just anything and everything to make him feel involved, I guess.

Pretty great that you have such a nice family arrangement, btw.


Zazayam
by Ruby Member on Dec. 20, 2014 at 2:17 PM

Ah, that's rought. I always tell the kids "You're my favorite first baby" and "You're my favorite second baby" and the girls "You're my favorite big girl" and "You're my favorite little girl" lol.

Quoting Anonymous 1:

he is involved. He helps me with feeding him (I pump just so he can help feed the baby), I let him bring the diapers, toys, even let him sorta babysit him while I'm tying my shoes. He's fine up until he realizes the baby is getting gifts, or a relatives attention such as grandma's attention. All hell breaks loose if his older cousins or Uncle/Aunt hold him. 

At first, we were going to put the crib into DSS's room but when he attempted to destroy it, we moved it into our room. This still upsets DSS, he keeps saying things like, "I'm the baby" and we tell him, no you're the awesome big brother. 

Nothing works. 

Quoting Zazayam:

Is he really involved with the babies? When I had my second, my oldest was a little like that. It helped a lot to tell him things like 'You're such a great big brother, I'm so proud of you for helping with the baby' and letting him hear me tell the baby how lucky he was for having such an awesome big brother. Also actually having him help with the baby, bringing diapers, toys, helping pick out clothes, just anything and everything to make him feel involved, I guess.

Pretty great that you have such a nice family arrangement, btw.



Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Dec. 20, 2014 at 2:34 PM

Honestly my kids were pretty apathetic about a new baby until they grew a bit and could play with them. He might just not care for them until they are actually "fun". Keep doing what you are doing and don't make everything about the baby. Take him on special big kid dates by himself where he can do things he wants to do without worrying about the baby.

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