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Do some women "attract" abuse?

Posted by on Dec. 20, 2014 at 11:55 AM
  • 28 Replies

this is not bashing.

the people I know that have been molested as children are often abused again as teenagers.

while some of these women aren't staying or aren't drawn to abusers, it seems to follow them.

as an example- I was raped as a child and then in a completely unrelated event, I was raped as a teen.

by on Dec. 20, 2014 at 11:55 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Danesmommy1
by Grammar Enthusiast on Dec. 20, 2014 at 11:57 AM
4 moms liked this
I think that abusers are predators. Predators know their prey. Whether subconsciously or not abusers look for a "type."

Obviously, this isn't a hard and fast rule. I'm speaking in generalities.
conniejo75
by Ruby Member on Dec. 20, 2014 at 11:58 AM
I tend to agree.

Quoting Danesmommy1: I think that abusers are predators. Predators know their prey. Whether subconsciously or not abusers look for a "type."

Obviously, this isn't a hard and fast rule. I'm speaking in generalities.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Dec. 20, 2014 at 11:59 AM

Short answer, yes they do. 

When violated in that way, boundaries are often very diffuse, and esteem damaged - both leading to allowing behavior that others would disallow. I am NOT suggesting that you contributed to your own rapes, in any way. I am sorry you were victimized in such traumatic ways.  


theTosh.O
by on Dec. 20, 2014 at 12:00 PM

I love that! 

So, it not about the victim at all!

why didn't I think of that?

Quoting Danesmommy1: I think that abusers are predators. Predators know their prey. Whether subconsciously or not abusers look for a "type." Obviously, this isn't a hard and fast rule. I'm speaking in generalities.


theTosh.O
by on Dec. 20, 2014 at 12:01 PM

I'm not sensitive. Don't worry about offending me.

Quoting Anonymous 1:

Short answer, yes they do. 

When violated in that way, boundaries are often very diffuse, and esteem damaged - both leading to allowing behavior that others would disallow. I am NOT suggesting that you contributed to your own rapes, in any way. I am sorry you were victimized in such traumatic ways.  


dandynorm
by Gold Member on Dec. 20, 2014 at 12:01 PM
It makes sense. People with a history of abuse tend to have lower self esteem and more difficulties with knowing what is and isn't appropriate treatment, and more difficulty standing up for themselves. These things are hard to overcome. They are also the qualities abusers look for in a person.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Dec. 20, 2014 at 12:02 PM
Sometimes I think people look for that type of person. And that type of person looks for them. It's terrible.
Danesmommy1
by Grammar Enthusiast on Dec. 20, 2014 at 12:03 PM
Maybe I see it because I'm looking from the outside in. You're looking from the inside out because of what's happened to you.

This is THEIR character fault, not yours.

Quoting theTosh.O:

I love that! 

So, it not about the victim at all!

why didn't I think of that?

Quoting Danesmommy1: I think that abusers are predators. Predators know their prey. Whether subconsciously or not abusers look for a "type."

Obviously, this isn't a hard and fast rule. I'm speaking in generalities.

Bennett121
by Gold Member on Dec. 20, 2014 at 12:05 PM
The abusers know a victim when they see one. The victim has a hard time seeing the abuser for what they are. So yes, in many or most cases a victim is repeatedly abused by multiple people. Its a cycle. Counseling can help you get off that merry go round.
theTosh.O
by on Dec. 20, 2014 at 12:06 PM
1 mom liked this

You're my favorite person here.

Quoting Danesmommy1: Maybe I see it because I'm looking from the outside in. You're looking from the inside out because of what's happened to you. This is THEIR character fault, not yours.
Quoting theTosh.O:

I love that! 

So, it not about the victim at all!

why didn't I think of that?

Quoting Danesmommy1: I think that abusers are predators. Predators know their prey. Whether subconsciously or not abusers look for a "type." Obviously, this isn't a hard and fast rule. I'm speaking in generalities.



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