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Not sure how much more I can take

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 10 Replies
My dad has been in my life since I was 2. So my mom has been with him for over 25 years. My very first memory of him was when I was 3. Bloody welt on my thigh from his gun rod because I blew a raspberry in my uncles face. Physical, mental, and emotional abuse my entire life. He tried to have sex with me twice when I was 18...my mom found out about THAT 4 years ago...but knew about everything else.
Fast forward to about 2 years ago. She quit her job, my grandma died and my mom became a lesbian for a year and was in an extremely tumultuous relationship with a woman. (While still being with my dad) That ended and so did my mom's world, apparently. Depression, anxiety, dependant on me for every emotional aspect of her life, and basically a big ball of negative train wreck. Our roles of mother and daughter basically switched.
Fast forward to yesterday. She was due to come Xmas day...with my fucking dad, whom I've expressed time and time again I don't want to see. She sees nobody, ever and basically had no other xmas plans. I asked her yesterday if she wouldn't mind coming Xmas eve, instead...without my dad..because MIL has a lot of plans, in which Xmas day is the only time to see her. We didn't see MIL Thanksgiving and we haven't spent actual Xmas day with her for 2 years. I felt there was no issues since my mom has no other plans. Instant rudeness and negativity. "It's supposed to snow xmas Eve. You know I can't drive in snow, so I won't be coming that day." She proceeded to carry on about how my MIL is rude for only being available xmas day, about how rude I am and having no regards to her feelings. I'm selfish for switching plans. She's skipping Xmas because she's suffered a lot of loss and xmas doesn't mean anything to her now, so she's dropping our gifts off on my porch. She made it pretty clear that she's not coming Xmas Eve so I told her that I'm making other plans. She then told me that she'll come if it doesn't snow. I then told her that I'm not basing my plans on the weather and I'm not waiting until the last minute to see if she's coming or not. Well, I'm inconsiderate for not giving her a chance to see if she can come.
What the flying hell? I'm tired of this manipulative bull from her.
Posted by Anonymous on Dec. 20, 2014 at 6:12 PM
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Replies (1-10):
chanizen
by on Dec. 20, 2014 at 6:16 PM
Just tell her: we are hosting at this time. It's fine if you cannot make it.

And dad is not welcome in my life. Right now, you are. He is not.

Good luck :)
SaintJudes
by on Dec. 20, 2014 at 6:27 PM

Sounds like she needs you but she's asking too much of your time. You have a life so just tell her hope she can make it, and that that's what you will be doing.

Or tell her you need space no hard feelings so it doesnt blow up in your face

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 20, 2014 at 6:49 PM
The thing with my mom, is that it will always blow up. You show ANY negative reaction to what she says, then she gets very defensive, twists it around to where the other person is making light of her feelings, and that the other person is rude or inconsiderate. She is never wrong, she's never rude, she is always the "victim."
I've asked her several times to seek a therapist and find some meds for her anxieties but she always has an excuse to why she wont. I think it's because it's her excuse to play "poor pitiful me."

Quoting SaintJudes:

Sounds like she needs you but she's asking too much of your time. You have a life so just tell her hope she can make it, and that that's what you will be doing.

Or tell her you need space no hard feelings so it doesnt blow up in your face

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 20, 2014 at 6:49 PM
I wish it were that simple lol. She's exhausting. Never let's shit go.

Quoting chanizen: Just tell her: we are hosting at this time. It's fine if you cannot make it.

And dad is not welcome in my life. Right now, you are. He is not.

Good luck :)
chanizen
by on Dec. 20, 2014 at 6:54 PM
Nod, smile and ignore :)

The less you respond, the better.

Quoting Anonymous 1: I wish it were that simple lol. She's exhausting. Never let's shit go.

Quoting chanizen: Just tell her: we are hosting at this time. It's fine if you cannot make it.

And dad is not welcome in my life. Right now, you are. He is not.

Good luck :)
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 20, 2014 at 7:10 PM
Bump
SaintJudes
by on Dec. 20, 2014 at 7:24 PM

Ok its okay to vent on here absolutely... and I would cut her all the way off, truly I would NOW

Quoting Anonymous 1: The thing with my mom, is that it will always blow up. You show ANY negative reaction to what she says, then she gets very defensive, twists it around to where the other person is making light of her feelings, and that the other person is rude or inconsiderate. She is never wrong, she's never rude, she is always the "victim." I've asked her several times to seek a therapist and find some meds for her anxieties but she always has an excuse to why she wont. I think it's because it's her excuse to play "poor pitiful me."
Quoting SaintJudes:

Sounds like she needs you but she's asking too much of your time. You have a life so just tell her hope she can make it, and that that's what you will be doing.

Or tell her you need space no hard feelings so it doesnt blow up in your face


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 20, 2014 at 7:41 PM
My therapist says she's crazy (in her own words lol) and that I either need to cut her off or set some severe boundaries. That's hard as hell when it's your mom, ya know what I mean? I may be ridiculous for doing this, but I sent her a text an hour ago as sort of a peace offering, inviting her to go see lights with us tomorrow evening. She's ignoring me because of yesterday. I don't know how to "take a break" or set boundaries. It's hard. She'll call me in a couple days, cry, talk about all of her sorrow and I'll feel horribly sad for her. I wish I didn't feel so sad for her!
I know you're right though about separating from her for a bit.

Quoting SaintJudes:

Ok its okay to vent on here absolutely... and I would cut her all the way off, truly I would NOW

Quoting Anonymous 1: The thing with my mom, is that it will always blow up. You show ANY negative reaction to what she says, then she gets very defensive, twists it around to where the other person is making light of her feelings, and that the other person is rude or inconsiderate. She is never wrong, she's never rude, she is always the "victim."
I've asked her several times to seek a therapist and find some meds for her anxieties but she always has an excuse to why she wont. I think it's because it's her excuse to play "poor pitiful me."

Quoting SaintJudes:

Sounds like she needs you but she's asking too much of your time. You have a life so just tell her hope she can make it, and that that's what you will be doing.

Or tell her you need space no hard feelings so it doesnt blow up in your face

SaintJudes
by on Dec. 20, 2014 at 7:56 PM

I just cut off two of my best friends in the last two weeks. Hows that for loving yourself. I dont' care who she is, if she fucks with your happiness, 3 strikes you're out! You even have to see a counselor for it, she'd be way gone, not even on my mind in my world.

Quoting Anonymous 1: My therapist says she's crazy (in her own words lol) and that I either need to cut her off or set some severe boundaries. That's hard as hell when it's your mom, ya know what I mean? I may be ridiculous for doing this, but I sent her a text an hour ago as sort of a peace offering, inviting her to go see lights with us tomorrow evening. She's ignoring me because of yesterday. I don't know how to "take a break" or set boundaries. It's hard. She'll call me in a couple days, cry, talk about all of her sorrow and I'll feel horribly sad for her. I wish I didn't feel so sad for her! I know you're right though about separating from her for a bit.
Quoting SaintJudes:

Ok its okay to vent on here absolutely... and I would cut her all the way off, truly I would NOW

Quoting Anonymous 1: The thing with my mom, is that it will always blow up. You show ANY negative reaction to what she says, then she gets very defensive, twists it around to where the other person is making light of her feelings, and that the other person is rude or inconsiderate. She is never wrong, she's never rude, she is always the "victim." I've asked her several times to seek a therapist and find some meds for her anxieties but she always has an excuse to why she wont. I think it's because it's her excuse to play "poor pitiful me."
Quoting SaintJudes:

Sounds like she needs you but she's asking too much of your time. You have a life so just tell her hope she can make it, and that that's what you will be doing.

Or tell her you need space no hard feelings so it doesnt blow up in your face



Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 20, 2014 at 8:04 PM
You seem strong! I like that :)

Quoting SaintJudes:

I just cut off two of my best friends in the last two weeks. Hows that for loving yourself. I dont' care who she is, if she fucks with your happiness, 3 strikes you're out! You even have to see a counselor for it, she'd be way gone, not even on my mind in my world.

Quoting Anonymous 1: My therapist says she's crazy (in her own words lol) and that I either need to cut her off or set some severe boundaries. That's hard as hell when it's your mom, ya know what I mean? I may be ridiculous for doing this, but I sent her a text an hour ago as sort of a peace offering, inviting her to go see lights with us tomorrow evening. She's ignoring me because of yesterday. I don't know how to "take a break" or set boundaries. It's hard. She'll call me in a couple days, cry, talk about all of her sorrow and I'll feel horribly sad for her. I wish I didn't feel so sad for her!
I know you're right though about separating from her for a bit.

Quoting SaintJudes:

Ok its okay to vent on here absolutely... and I would cut her all the way off, truly I would NOW

Quoting Anonymous 1: The thing with my mom, is that it will always blow up. You show ANY negative reaction to what she says, then she gets very defensive, twists it around to where the other person is making light of her feelings, and that the other person is rude or inconsiderate. She is never wrong, she's never rude, she is always the "victim."
I've asked her several times to seek a therapist and find some meds for her anxieties but she always has an excuse to why she wont. I think it's because it's her excuse to play "poor pitiful me."

Quoting SaintJudes:

Sounds like she needs you but she's asking too much of your time. You have a life so just tell her hope she can make it, and that that's what you will be doing.

Or tell her you need space no hard feelings so it doesnt blow up in your face

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You must be a member to reply to this post.
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