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Why can't i

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 10 Replies
This is a whiny vent if ya do't like it move along.

As a kid in my head i dreamed of the perfect life, then reality hit and i grew up. At points(like last night) i feel like a kid again watching my babies get excited over christmas. Hell i even got excited too.

There is one thing i can't get over, while Iam happy that my kids are cared for needs are met and they can say i take good care of them despite having mild cp, i've never really had true happiness.

You know, the kind of happiness where your floating on air with a look on your face that looks so ridiculous people start to wonder "wtf is wrong with her?"

I could care less about the money(it would be nice to have though) as long as we are ALL happy. My entire life i've been torn down never built up(especially by my mom) and told i could do things if i tried.

Even my ex tears me down about my cooking about my looks ect. I'm not the prettiest person in the world(my daughter is beautiful and my son is handsome) but just once i'd like to be told iam and made to feel like it.

If i could go back 8 years i would, and fix everything that's wrong. Unfortunately life doesn't have a remote control.

I walk with my head down eyes to the floor (careful not to make eye contact with people) and headphones on my ears every now and then. I don't feel good enough for anyone.

Most don't even acknowledge i exist. I guess i'm tired of feeling like i don't matter and just want to be happy and loved for me.

Why can't i have my fairytale?
Posted by Anonymous on Dec. 25, 2014 at 4:37 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Dec. 25, 2014 at 4:47 AM
Life isn't p er fect hun. Focus on the little things. The love for your kids. That's important; )
csxt99
by Jennifer on Dec. 25, 2014 at 4:49 AM

Fairy tales aren't real. Like it or not, life is what you make of it. If you want to be noticed, then do something to be noticed. You need to learn to like yourself and be confident in what you have to offer the world. Until you do that, you will always have this 'poor me, nobody likes me' attitude and you will always be ignored.

bellaamore
by on Dec. 25, 2014 at 4:51 AM
This is an issue with many people.

MOST people don't feel happiness that way. It is very rare and has little to do with circumstance and everything to do with disposition. There are some people with movie script lives and they will never be happy.

Life isn't a fairytale. For many of if, we were allowed to believe it was, and the movies and books pounded this in harder.

Most women never get told they are pretty, because the men who love them take for granted that they know they feel that way. The single ones usually get told by those who want to lay them. It's a rare breed of man who knows that this is a need, not a want and does this without prompting. Usually, they were raised by women who weren't afraid to make sure their sons knew this was needed because they themselves never got it. MOST women never get made to feel beautiful, even if they are, physically and emotionally. This is where self love comes into the picture.
Self love is something many moms never taught their children unintentionally. They hyper critical of themselves and taught their children to be the same.

Going back eight years in time would not change who you are, your coping mechanisms or your self love levels.

It does sound like this goes just a bit further for you and that you are experiencing depression. Please excuse this with someone, like a doctor, who can maybe direct you to somewhere that can help.

I'd consider looking into a local MOPs group. It changed my life in regards of self love. Life will never be anything close to a fairytale for me, and I accepted that long ago. That doesn't mean I don't deserve someone to look meet, regardless and makes me feel beautiful.... it doesn't mean that one can't learn to provide myself with these things from within, how our mothers were supposed to teach us.

((Hugs)) I'm here if you need to talk.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Dec. 25, 2014 at 5:04 AM

You need to love and respect yourself.  You can acknowledge faults but work on them in a positive manner.  Realize your ex nor anyone else who has hurt you do not feel good about themselves either.    You want people to actually speak to you and acknowledge your presence, you need to walk with head up high and perhaps even say hi first.   Low self esteem is hard but it can be overcome within yourself.  You take the power away from others to make you feel crappy and you tell yourself that you are a good person and good mother.

luvmybug
by Traderspixie on Dec. 25, 2014 at 7:03 AM
1 mom liked this
Start walking with your beautiful head up, ready to face the world. Smile at strangers, pay it forward. Do one good deed every day. It will help. Just sosome things I do when I get down on myself.
readyforhim
by Emerald Member on Dec. 25, 2014 at 7:15 AM

i understand what you are going through, but tge best advice i ever got was appreciate each day and everything you do have, not what you don't have. Start today.

 We would love to have perfect lives, but there really is no such thing. Try not to think about what the ex says, there are reasons he is not in your life.

Mammacra
by Ruby Member on Dec. 25, 2014 at 7:22 AM
Your still alive and every day that you wake up you get a chance to take charge of your life. Start going to church make a new group of friends.
ff-princess
by Ruby Member on Dec. 25, 2014 at 8:45 AM

if your head is down and you have headphones on, you really wouldln't know if anyone acknowledges your existence or not.  you completely miss it.

Rust.n.Gears
by on Dec. 25, 2014 at 9:05 AM
Your ex needs to shut it and you need to quit looking back. Look forward. You don't need to be giddy all the time but content is a nice place to be.
Rangermom772
by Platinum Member on Dec. 25, 2014 at 9:07 AM

You have to create your own fairy tale. It won't happen if you are not trying to make it happen

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