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my inlaws won't go away!!

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 8 Replies
I get its Christmas and blah blah blah.

Read before you judge.

My husband lived with his mother and step father and his two older siblings lived with dad and step mom, and they switched each week. (So every other weekend they would all be at mom's) His father and step mother were abusive. I mean they would beat DH bloody as a small child and treat his siblings like royalty. His mother treated him like he was invisible whenever his siblings were around and in her eyes too they could do no wrong.

When DH was about 11/12 his brother tried to rape him. He gave up when DH started to cry out of pain, he was afraid to get caught. dh never told anyone but a close family friend (who his now divorced mother lives with) and after years of me begging he went to therapy and just told his therapist about the trauma.

He's not ready to tell his mother, but she's insisting on him coming to visit while his brother is in town for Christmas dinner. He has told his brother no, I'm working. He told his mother at least five times, no, I'll be at work. The family friend called an hour ago and tried to guilt trip him and DH said no, I'm going to work.

DH doesn't work until 9 tonight but its not my business how he deals with his family. Well, they just came to my house, sat in my driveway and blared the horn for a solid five minutes! They saw both cars, my dogs outside. By the time he went out there they had pulled away. Now they are calling non stop trying to guilt trip him into coming for Christmas dinner even though he's said NO. How the hell do I make it stop? They obviously haven't gotten the hint and I can't take seeing my husband have horrible anxiety attacks over the idea of having to sit next to his brother and pretend everything is okay, or telling his mother on Christmas that her perfect oldest child raped her youngest because of her neglect.

What should he do?

Yes, this is real.
Posted by Anonymous on Dec. 25, 2014 at 3:03 PM
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Replies (1-8):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Dec. 25, 2014 at 3:09 PM
Wow! I'm so sorry! That sounds like a crappy way to grow up! :'( I doubt it would do any good for your DH to tell his mom what his brother did to him. The "perfect" son will deny it and mom will probably believe the "perfect" son over your DH. I know this, bc I know a gal whose stepbrother would go into her bedroom late at night, and touch her inappropriately! She told a close female relative. The relative told her stepbrothers mom. The mom of the stepbrother said the girl was making it up and her precious son isn't a pervert! Thankfully, after the stepson found out she had told, he stopped going in her bedroom at night! Good luck to you and your DH!
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Dec. 25, 2014 at 3:11 PM
It's time for the truth to come out. It will be awful but until the reality is out in the open they won't get the hint and he can't keep hiding behind the trauma facing it and confronting the evil will take the fear that he is holding onto away. His brother can't hurt him anymore. He's an adult and he can fight and his mother needs to know what she did wrong. It's awful. I'm sorry he has gone threw this. My dh was abused by his father. The wound are deep but facing it helped.
quinnsmom715
by Emerald Member on Dec. 25, 2014 at 3:30 PM

tell your husband to be strong!!just tell his mother he really doesnt want to be around them and that his brother knows why..and leave it at that..

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 25, 2014 at 3:30 PM
I think so too, and I'm glad to hear it has helped your husband.

Quoting Anonymous 3: It's time for the truth to come out. It will be awful but until the reality is out in the open they won't get the hint and he can't keep hiding behind the trauma facing it and confronting the evil will take the fear that he is holding onto away. His brother can't hurt him anymore. He's an adult and he can fight and his mother needs to know what she did wrong. It's awful. I'm sorry he has gone threw this. My dh was abused by his father. The wound are deep but facing it helped.
purplerobin
by Platinum Member on Dec. 25, 2014 at 3:45 PM

Call the police and tell them that you have unwelcome guests and they are harassing you and to remove them pronto.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Dec. 25, 2014 at 3:52 PM

 

Quoting Anonymous 3: It's time for the truth to come out. It will be awful but until the reality is out in the open they won't get the hint and he can't keep hiding behind the trauma facing it and confronting the evil will take the fear that he is holding onto away. His brother can't hurt him anymore. He's an adult and he can fight and his mother needs to know what she did wrong. It's awful. I'm sorry he has gone threw this. My dh was abused by his father. The wound are deep but facing it helped.

 It doesn't seem like his family will get the hint even after the truth comes out. They have already been told several times that he's not coming and they still took it upon themselves to come to the house and honk their horn for five minutes. I hope therapy continues to help your husband.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 25, 2014 at 4:42 PM
If they come back I certainly will.

They were gone before we could even get to the front door (cooking currently) dh and I just had a chat about this.. he doesn't think they will believe him and doesn't really know how to handle the reaction he may get. I'm hoping therapy will help him figure this out because I'm about to ready to tell them myself if they ruin another holiday for me.

Quoting purplerobin:

Call the police and tell them that you have unwelcome guests and they are harassing you and to remove them pronto.

quinnsmom715
by Emerald Member on Apr. 7, 2015 at 3:05 PM

whatever happened?

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