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My dd is being difficult....

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 124 Replies

My 14 dd wants to stop taking piano and violin lessons. We have a rule in our house that every child must learn how to play an instrument. In my family music is very important. My other two children play the cello and the saxophone.

My dd has been playing since she was 4. Even then I had to force her to pick an instrument. Every year since she has been whining to me about how much she hates playing the piano and violin. I told her recently that I wanted her to learn to play the harp alongside her other musical classes. We got into an argument about how she does not want to play anymore instruments. She refuses to learn the harp. She has also started to play badly on purpose and she also promises to play badly at her next recital if I force her to continue doing something she supposedly hates.

 
She tells me she wants to drop her musical lessons and join the local teen book club and she also wants to take an after school creative writing class. She can do all of that in college. She needs to focus on her musical talents. She has a gift with music and she would be an idiot to throw away such a talent.


What would you moms do? How should I handle her playing badly on purpose and threatening to fail at her next recital?

Posted by Anonymous on Dec. 28, 2014 at 3:58 PM
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Replies (1-10):
PacMan80
by Ruby Member on Dec. 28, 2014 at 4:00 PM
11 moms liked this
You need to let her cultivate her own interests, not the ones you shove down her throat.
sheramom4
by Emerald Member on Dec. 28, 2014 at 4:01 PM
3 moms liked this

Leave the kid alone and allow her to pursue her own interests. Just because she is good at something doesn't mean she enjoys it. You are forcing her to fit into your box and she is trying to break out of it. All you are doing is pushing her away. If she is as talented as you say, she may pick it up again later and when she makes the choice to do so. Music is important to YOU and not her. 

thetrollcat
by on Dec. 28, 2014 at 4:01 PM
2 moms liked this

boy you have got to be one of the MOST CONTROLLING people in this place! So how would ytou feel if someone constantly controlled you?

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Dec. 28, 2014 at 4:01 PM

Quit making her play an instrument.  Let her decide what she wants to to for extra curriculars.

What musical instrument are you currently playing?

krbaybay
by Bronze Member on Dec. 28, 2014 at 4:01 PM
2 moms liked this
Let her quit. If she wants to read and write encourage her. I took piano from the time I was 6-16 and flute from 12-16.. She will remember what she already learned. Don't stunt her creativity.
LimeTree
by Bronze Member on Dec. 28, 2014 at 4:02 PM
Can you compromise? Don't force the harp, let her drop one instrument and pick up another activity or hobby in its place.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Dec. 28, 2014 at 4:02 PM

Let her quit and take a creative writing class. Just cause you suck at playing instruments doesn't mean you should force your kids to play. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Dec. 28, 2014 at 4:03 PM
You're not a very good mother
kmeow
by Ruby Member on Dec. 28, 2014 at 4:03 PM
You ever read the tiger mom book? It seems like threats work really well for the most part just based off that. I would punish her and remover privledges if she plays badly on purpose, and force her to play until she did it correctly. I wouldn't worry about her screwing. Up her recital. I doubt she's embarass herself like that.

For the record, I wouldn't let her quit either.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 28, 2014 at 4:04 PM

Would you really allow your kid to waste their talents? What type of mother would I be if I didn't push her to succeed in what she is good at?

Quoting thetrollcat:

boy you have got to be one of the MOST CONTROLLING people in this place! So how would ytou feel if someone constantly controlled you?


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