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I hate myself for making such crappy choices

Posted by on Dec. 28, 2014 at 7:18 PM
  • 11 Replies

Smoking.
I just quit smoking last year, one year now, I am proud. But it doesn't change that I probably, even at 26 years old ruined my damn life. I smoked for almost 10 years or more.

I can't breathe at all, hardly well at all all day long. It's been torture. And of course, naturally that brings on my anxiety and etc. thinking of all the things that really could be wrong with me. 

On normal days I feel OK, still cough some and don't feel like I ever have 100 percent oxygen going into my lungs when I breathe, but it isn't horrible. It's effin horrible right now though, I caught my families virus or something, I been hacking for days and just can't breathe at all.

There is my vent. Nothing I can't blame all on myself.

by on Dec. 28, 2014 at 7:18 PM
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Replies (1-10):
TheRingmaster
by on Dec. 28, 2014 at 7:21 PM
I smoke still when not pregnant. I quit for about a year each time and pick it back up. I've smoked for over 12 years on and off. I had a lung biopsy from heart issues and they're perfect. :)
However smoking is bad.
Not sure why I start again. I thought no it's usually st pattys day.... Lol
Be proud don't beat yourself up.
lucky2Beeme
by Emerald Member on Dec. 28, 2014 at 7:22 PM

Congrats on the quitting That is HUGE ! have you seen your Dr and talked about how it feels ? Maybe you have Asthma ? I think a complete physical might be in order.

MagicMary
by on Dec. 28, 2014 at 7:22 PM

Oh well I feel like I wasn't one of the lucky ones. 100 people in my life been lifelong smokers and not many ill effects at all, but I'm over here constantly struggling to breathe. I panic that I have cancer, or COPD or something that will kill me early... I hate it.

Quoting TheRingmaster: I smoke still when not pregnant. I quit for about a year each time and pick it back up. I've smoked for over 12 years on and off. I had a lung biopsy from heart issues and they're perfect. :) However smoking is bad. Not sure why I start again. I thought no it's usually st pattys day.... Lol Be proud don't beat yourself up.


MagicMary
by on Dec. 28, 2014 at 7:23 PM
1 mom liked this

Thanks, I have thought that too, it would be awesomelol. Alot better than the bad things I think it is. I havent seen a dr. I def , plan to sometime in the near futgure. I have to. Have to figure something out, I feel like I need an oxygen tank

Quoting lucky2Beeme:

Congrats on the quitting That is HUGE ! have you seen your Dr and talked about how it feels ? Maybe you have Asthma ? I think a complete physical might be in order.


balagan_imma
by Platinum Member on Dec. 28, 2014 at 7:24 PM

Be proud of quitting. You smoked for 10 years, so it will take some time for your lungs to fully repair. Having a virus doesn't help.

My mom was 32 when she quit and she had been smoking 2 packs a day for 16 years. At 71 she's in great shape and her lungs are too. Quitting wasn't easy but I'm sure she would be dead or dying from cancer or COPD/Emphasema if she hadn't quit.

Try to think about the good you have accomplished and it will only get better with time.

MagicMary
by on Dec. 28, 2014 at 7:26 PM

Thank you.I guess I get worried that at a year now, I dont feel tooooo much healthier. definitely though, I used to wake up every morning and practically puke from coughing so much. it was a scene. i dont do that anymore but other than that i feel like it should be more? idk

Quoting balagan_imma:

Be proud of quitting. You smoked for 10 years, so it will take some time for your lungs to fully repair. Having a virus doesn't help.

My mom was 32 when she quit and she had been smoking 2 packs a day for 16 years. At 71 she's in great shape and her lungs are too. Quitting wasn't easy but I'm sure she would be dead or dying from cancer or COPD/Emphasema if she hadn't quit.

Try to think about the good you have accomplished and it will only get better with time.


Smaug
by Book Worm on Dec. 28, 2014 at 7:27 PM
You should be very proud of yourself. Some of my work buddies quit, and it took a long while for them to feel good.

I hope you feel better soon.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Dec. 28, 2014 at 7:28 PM

Why are you beating yourself up when you have been smoke-free for a year?

How the hell did you ruin your life?

If you are concerned about permanent damage, which you likely do not have, go get a lung x-ray.

It might take a little longer than a year to reverse any damage you did do. Science has proven that the damage when people quit smoking does reverse in most cases.

Hope you feel better soon. Stop mentally punishing yourself.

cbk_mom3
by on Dec. 28, 2014 at 7:31 PM

You should be very proud of yourself. That's a huge accomplishment. And, not just for you, for your family as well, because 2nd hand smoke does indeed kill. My Grandad smoked the entire 62 years he and my Granny were married before he passed away from Diabetes, and it was Granny who ended up dying from lung cancer, from 2nd hand smoke, having never smoked a day in her life. Keep up the good work, in the end, it will be worth it!

balagan_imma
by Platinum Member on Dec. 28, 2014 at 7:33 PM

Not coughing until you puke is huge. Everything from there on is baby steps really.But each time you want to smoke and don't is huge. Be proud of yourself.


Quoting MagicMary:

Thank you.I guess I get worried that at a year now, I dont feel tooooo much healthier. definitely though, I used to wake up every morning and practically puke from coughing so much. it was a scene. i dont do that anymore but other than that i feel like it should be more? idk

Quoting balagan_imma:

Be proud of quitting. You smoked for 10 years, so it will take some time for your lungs to fully repair. Having a virus doesn't help.

My mom was 32 when she quit and she had been smoking 2 packs a day for 16 years. At 71 she's in great shape and her lungs are too. Quitting wasn't easy but I'm sure she would be dead or dying from cancer or COPD/Emphasema if she hadn't quit.

Try to think about the good you have accomplished and it will only get better with time.


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