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That one sibling who is never part of the family

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 34 Replies
Is there one sibling in your family who just doesn't exist? Never calls, visits?

My sister married a guy about 4 years ago who we suspect is controlling and since then we haven't spoken or seen each other.

We extend a few text messages here and there but nothing big.

She refuses to come to family functions. No-one in our family has seen her in 4 years.

I have no idea how to approach her anymore. I don't know her husband so I can't accuse someone I don't know of being controlling but I find it odd that ever since they got married she fell off the planet.

What would you do? When I call it goes to vm. She doesn't return calls. She makes up every excuse about why she can't hangout or hangout with the family.

I don't know what to do..
Posted by Anonymous on Dec. 28, 2014 at 9:21 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 28, 2014 at 9:21 PM
Bump
SamanthaSage
by on Dec. 28, 2014 at 9:23 PM

Surprise her with a visit.

Missdameanor
by on Dec. 28, 2014 at 9:23 PM

You can't force another adult to interact with you, family or not. Just leave it alone.

MichLW69
by PackersXLV4 on Dec. 28, 2014 at 9:24 PM
Yes and it is me. I don't want anything to do with my immediate family. (My mom and two sisters).
Foolynroo2
by on Dec. 28, 2014 at 9:24 PM

My husband is that sibling, I mean we don't refuse to goto family functions but we limit them.

We just aren't like his family. They are all very nice people we all get along - but we are different people at the core.

My husband and I like to relax, be ourselves, laugh.

His family tends to complain a lot and not get a lot of jokes and gossip about everyone and everything.

It's just not a good time for us.  We did it for many years to give our son that bond, but if he's not around, we do our duty and that's about it.

They openly call us the black sheep. To us it's a compliment.

PPCLC
by AZ Lizard on Dec. 28, 2014 at 9:25 PM

Is there any chance it's not about the man she married and more so that she simply doesn't want to be a part of the family? 

I've read from several women in this group especially, how they've literally closed the chapter of their life's book when it comes to extended family. To them, their only family is their spouse and the children they have.

Could this be what is actually going on?

lovey75
by Silver Member on Dec. 28, 2014 at 9:26 PM
Maybe she's just not that into you all anymore. Maybe her immediate family is her only priority now. Maybe she has past resentments and now uses this as a chance not to be around you all.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 28, 2014 at 9:29 PM
I love that idea but honestly I have no clue where she's at.

Quoting SamanthaSage:

Surprise her with a visit.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Dec. 28, 2014 at 9:30 PM
1 mom liked this
I'm like that with my extended family. They treated me, my kids and husband horrible for so long finally I said I was done with them and I am not sorry, nothing they say or do will ever make them get anywhere close to me again. My husband wants me to forgive them because he says it's the right thing to do I forgiven them but they will never get close to me again.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 28, 2014 at 9:31 PM
I get that if something was done but nothing was done. My sister and I were best friends. We are identical twins

Quoting Anonymous 2: I'm like that with my extended family. They treated me, my kids and husband horrible for so long finally I said I was done with them and I am not sorry, nothing they say or do will ever make them get anywhere close to me again. My husband wants me to forgive them because he says it's the right thing to do I forgiven them but they will never get close to me again.
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