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Ughh...get off your lazy butt!!

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 25 Replies
Seriously, I've just about had it with dh's little brother. 15 is plenty old enough to help out around the house and take on a little responsibility. If the damn soccer coach says he needs to build endurance over Christmas break, and he wants to play soccer, follow the schedule! It's not that bad! 1 or 2 miles a day, a few days a week will not kill him. He says he don't need to build endurance, yet can't even run half a mile without acting like he's going to die. He spends a minimum of 20 out of 24 hours a day in his bed, covered up and playing xbox or watching netflix. I have to tell him....every single time....to go run or get out of bed and at least do a few chores like take out the trash. We have spent so much time and money (especially me) helping him you would think he would have some hint of gratitude. But no. Didn't even say thank you when my family bombarded him with Christmas presents. I don't think I've ever heard him utter the words "thank you" come to think of it. It's just so annoying. My boys have to share their room which is already overcrowded, instead of him being grateful for that he just argues and fights with them over who gets to play the xbox like he is a 2 year old or something.

So yesterday, xbox gone. We don't have cable, so he can't watch tv in the room now either. He STILL has just laid in there all day long on his phone. It doesn't have service but it's connected to the home internet. If he don't get off his lazy behind and start living a life the phone will go away as well. I've never seen a 15 year old who is so lazy. He spends more effort arguing over doing things he should do than he would spend if he just got up and did it. I'm glad DH had an extended break at home (works out of town) so he could see what I mean. He is only home a couple days here and there he don't really get it. But being home over a week, he totally gets it now. He had a talk with him but it doesn't seem to be helping. Ugh. Sorry I posted about this the other day but it is really getting to me and I had to get this vent out after the day I've had today.
Posted by Anonymous on Dec. 28, 2014 at 10:39 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 28, 2014 at 10:45 PM
bump
katydid150
by Gold Member on Dec. 28, 2014 at 10:48 PM

Time to change the wifi password and set up a chore chart. Does he get allowance?  If so, then yank it unless he does all that is required of him. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 28, 2014 at 10:53 PM
I already have a chore chart hanging in the living room. It's been there a while. My boys are half his age and do their chores without me asking. He does not get an allowance. When he first moved in, I got him service for his phone and would give him a little money here and there. But it's like he has gotten worse. I think he has gotten obsessive over the games, which he never had back home. I told him if he would start doing chores more regularly without being asked, I would buy him a phone card ($50 for a month of service). That was a month ago and he still hasn't done chores except for 2 days that I didn't have to ask. If I have to ask you, then remind you again after that, you are not getting paid for it. It's ridiculous. I refuse to care for a grown man and that's the way this whole thing seems to be going. I cannot imagine him being anywhere near ready in 3 years to be an adult if he don't change his ways now. I'm not trying to be mean, I really want him to succeed. I've put a lot of time, money, and effort into his future over the past six months and he is just throwing it all away. I don't get it. If someone had offered me the life we are offering him, I would have been thrilled at his age.

Quoting katydid150:

Time to change the wifi password and set up a chore chart. Does he get allowance?  If so, then yank it unless he does all that is required of him. 

vamaria
by Gold Member on Dec. 28, 2014 at 10:54 PM

Is this new, or has he always been this way? Teen boys who are depressed often seclude and fight, rather than the "traditional" signs. But if this is just his way, or being a teen, then he may need some consequences. Hugs!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Dec. 28, 2014 at 10:57 PM

I would institute some chores/expectations that he needs to get done daily and until he gets those things done he will not have access to the wifi in the house and/or any gaming systems.  He sounds like an ungrateful brat and I would honestly take everything away from him except for a mattress to sleep on and some clothing until he can begin to do what is expected and show a little gratitude, but I'm a mean bitch.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Dec. 28, 2014 at 11:00 PM

and your husband is doing what with this lazy ass kid?

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 28, 2014 at 11:03 PM
I've only known him for six months. I think when he first got here (from Mexico) he was a little more motivated. Then he got into playing the games and it's like it took over. He has become obsessed with playing video games and watching some tv show on youtube. Which is fine, he can play the games and watch the tv all he wants AFTER he takes care of his very few responsibilities. I thought he may be depressed too, so we had his mom call and talk to him. DH has talked to him as well. I'm closest to him, I'm with him everyday. His mom said (as well as dh) that he says he is fine. They asked him if he wants to go back home, he says no he wants to stay here. When he has his games, he laughs and plays just fine. He comes out of the room to get a drink or whatever and seems to be fine.

He wanted to call him mom earlier, I think he wants to complain that I took the xbox. His phone card was out of time though so I'll have to get one tomorrow. I'm wondering if he wants to go home now that I've come down on him. I feel like I didn't have a choice but to take it though. DH agreed and encouraged me to take it. He has been sitting on it until all hours of the night and slept til 5pm yesterday, then said it was too late to go run when he finally woke up. I felt like it is out of control. I hated to take it because all three boys share a room and my two don't deserve to be punished. So I put it in the living room and let my boys play on it in there.

His mom and dad do not want him to come home, they can't care for him the way we can and since he is in school they want him to stay here. So IDK. I've given him way more slack than I would ever give my own kids, and it seems like he's taken advantage of that. He's been in his room singing very loudly most of the day. I guess that's his protest lol.

Quoting vamaria:

Is this new, or has he always been this way? Teen boys who are depressed often seclude and fight, rather than the "traditional" signs. But if this is just his way, or being a teen, then he may need some consequences. Hugs!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 28, 2014 at 11:09 PM
He come down on him pretty hard this past week. DH works out of town all week so he doesn't see what I see. He thought at first I was just being picky because it's all this little stuff. But he was home for over a week during Christmas and he totally got it. Thank God because I thought I was just being a bitch there for a while. Their mom don't know this has been going on (to the extent) so he told little brother he is telling mom and if he don't start doing what is asked of him, he will pull him from soccer. Honestly I think little brother would be happy to pulled from soccer. It's all he wanted to do from the moment he got here. Then the school started practice for their first ever soccer team, so I signed him up. Spent money on a physical, three pair of shorts, went to five stores in one day trying to find him cleats, got him a new bag and socks and everything else he needed. So he started practice, four days a week. This means I have to either pick him up or arrange for him to be picked up from school four days a week. I am in grad school and I also work a 20 hour a week GA position and internship, so finding time to pick him up four days a week is a challenge. Two of those days I'm in class at the time he needs to be picked up. Then all he does is complain about how far coach made them run and his legs hurt and blah blah blah. So I wonder if pulling him from soccer wouldn't make him happy simply because he is so lazy!

Quoting Anonymous 3:

and your husband is doing what with this lazy ass kid?

chellec04
by Member on Dec. 28, 2014 at 11:16 PM
Take his crap away and wake him up when everyone else is awake. And no naps.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 28, 2014 at 11:17 PM
I've been doing that for a while now. I even made the chart with the specific chores (about ten to choose from) in spanish so there is no confusion.

The last week they were in school before the break, I did exactly what you suggested. When he got home from school, I told him NO TV, NO GAMES until homework, running, and chores are done. It worked, he did the chores and running daily. BUT even then he screwed up. If the chart said to run 2 miles on that day, he would be gone 8 or 10 minutes tops and claim he ran 2 miles. I'm not an idiot. One day he decided he was going to run just as DH and I were leaving to go to the store. We knew he was up to something. This was a Saturday and he was suppose to run 3 miles that day. So we "left", but really went around the corner and waited....and waited....so we finally headed back towards the house and there he was WALKING up the driveway. He hadn't even been a quarter mile! Then yesterday was the first day he was suppose to be built up enough to do 4 miles. I told DS9 that while I was getting groceries, if he decided to run, write down what time he left and what time he got back. He was gone 14 minutes. He told DS9 he ran to the dollar store and back (which would be 4 miles). Well when we got back, DH asked him how long/far he ran. He said he went to the dollar store and was gone at least 30 minutes if not more. Flat out lied! That was yesterday and the day I got fed up and took the xbox. It seems petty to me sometimes, like I'm just being picky and I should leave him alone. But day after day after day it just gets sooo annoying. And now they're on break from school he is worse. Just lays up all night and sleeps all day. He rarely sees daylight. I'm giving him two more days and if I don't see some major improvement, the phone is gone too. The xbox will go back in the room once he shows me he is actually trying, and not for just a day or two either.

Quoting Anonymous 2:

I would institute some chores/expectations that he needs to get done daily and until he gets those things done he will not have access to the wifi in the house and/or any gaming systems.  He sounds like an ungrateful brat and I would honestly take everything away from him except for a mattress to sleep on and some clothing until he can begin to do what is expected and show a little gratitude, but I'm a mean bitch.

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