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DH says he doesn't love me & wants divorce. What?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 96 Replies
**See below for 2 updates.**

My DH of almost 10 years sat me down tonight and said he wanted a divorce. He said he loved me as the mother of his children, but he has never been in love with me. He said his head was telling him to stay with me, but his heart was saying leave and be happy.

He will be going to look for a place tomorrow even though I told him he could stay here in a spare room. I want to see a marriage counselor; he doesn't want "someone convincing him that he loves me."

I am blindsided by this. We went out with friends for New Years and danced and laughed into the wee hours of the morning.


What do I do now? I go back and forth between being angry and being a weepy mess. I am so worried about how my children will be affected. :-(

UPDATE #1: First and foremost, I want to thank everyone for their support, advice, and kind words. I know we don't know each other, but please know I think you are all so kind to reach out to a stranger in her hour of uncertainty and despair.

I didn't sleep much overnight, and I felt like time was moving in slow motion. This morning, he kept talking to me as if nothing had happened. It was maddening. Before he left for work, he gave me a hug and, with tears in his eyes, he said he was so sorry it was turning out this way. I told him I didn't think he was doing it on purpose. He said he was still going to check out a place he had been researching. I told him I understood. I also said that I still would like him to go with me to a counselor because (a) if he doesn't love me, no one would be able to talk him into staying with me anyway and (b) it would help provide closure for me. He didn't give an answer, so I'm guessing it's still a firm no on his part. This is going to be a long, difficult day.

UPDATE #2: I somehow made it through yesterday with a rollercoaster of emotions. I am hurting but trying to accept that he has no intentions of doing anything to salvage our marriage. He talks so openly about what he wants to do as he proceeds with our separation that it is killing me inside. He has had months to mentally prepare, yet he seems to have no sympathy for how I am handling the situation. It's been since Monday afternoon since I've eaten anything. I actually managed a few hours of sleep last night, so I feel that's progress for me. He hasn't found a place yet, so he's still here.
Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 6, 2015 at 12:45 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 6, 2015 at 1:12 AM
He was sleeping on the couch but came upstairs and got into the bed. He is as far over on his side as can be without rolling off the bed.

This just seems cruel. He knows how much I love him. My stomach is in knots.
KendallsMommee
by Spoiled SAHM on Jan. 6, 2015 at 1:13 AM
How sad.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jan. 6, 2015 at 1:14 AM
1 mom liked this

I'm so sorry. You will get through this. Serve his ass and you will forever be plaintiff.

QuietNarrative
by Silver Member on Jan. 6, 2015 at 1:14 AM
1 mom liked this
if he doesn't love you, let him go. find someone who does and be happy. you can't force him to love you and no amount of tears and hanging on is going to change that.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jan. 6, 2015 at 1:14 AM
I'm so sorry.
AvantGardener
by on Jan. 6, 2015 at 1:15 AM
1 mom liked this

He has found someone else. I'm so sorry this is happening to you.

username123
by on Jan. 6, 2015 at 1:15 AM
1 mom liked this
Lawyer up.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Jan. 6, 2015 at 1:18 AM

Honestly, fuck him. That's a cruel thing to do to someone after ten years. Get past him and have an amazing life without him. 

AllofFive19
by Emerald Member on Jan. 6, 2015 at 1:19 AM
1 mom liked this
I'm so sorry. I can't begin to imagine the pain you're going through, but I do have to agree with those telling you to get an attorney and file first. He will get his divorce whether you want it or not, and you need to think of the welfare of you and your children.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Jan. 6, 2015 at 1:21 AM
17 moms liked this

I'm so sorry. Well... if he's that far over, one small kick ought to do it.

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