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Would you let your DS be around him again?! HOW?!

Posted by on Jan. 6, 2015 at 12:08 PM
  • 11 Replies

 My son is 10 years old. In March of 2014 I had to stop visitation with his father because he verbally and physically put his hands on my son. I won't give all the details but I need to know from what little bit I can give what would you do?

His father and I split up because of his drug use. He was a pill addict and if he wasn't talking pills he was a mean drunk. (lots of use of rehab, overdoses and chances never helped) The last time he put his hands on me I got an EPO and was awarded full custody of my son and the judge left it up to me if I wanted him to see his father or not. He went to jail a few months later for almost a year and when he got out I allowed EOW. Only to have to deal with verbal abuse towards me because he had to pay child support and then he started taking his anger out on my son. I stopped visitation the second he put his hands on our son and that was about 8 months. The day after Christmas his grandmother called and his dad wanted to take him to Christmas lunch at Cracker Barrel, I talked to my son about it and he decided he wanted to go. It went well and he said his father apologized and cried for everything that happened the last time he saw him.

SOOO now I am stuck in a what to do? My son wants to see his father now. Of course they wouldn't be allowed alone together I would make sure that his grand parents were there (which they were there when all that happened & didn't help, grand mother just brought him to me afterwards) so I still feel like that's not enough protection for my little man. How can I ensure he is safe, what legally are my choices? Have any of you been through this?

 

 

by on Jan. 6, 2015 at 12:08 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Snowbunnies45
by on Jan. 6, 2015 at 12:13 PM
3 moms liked this
Nope. I'd be taking it back to court and get it court ordered he needs supervised visits.

If his grandparents can't even protect him, hell no.

And of course he cried and said sorry for what happened he is an addict and knows how,to get what he wants. He did that for show
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Jan. 6, 2015 at 12:15 PM


Quoting Snowbunnies45: Nope. I'd be taking it back to court and get it court ordered he needs supervised visits. If his grandparents can't even protect him, hell no. And of course he cried and said sorry for what happened he is an addict and knows how,to get what he wants. He did that for show

Exactly. If anything, supervised visits.

wendythewriter
by on Jan. 6, 2015 at 12:16 PM

Do you have someone you can trust that you can also count on to be available to supervise visits? I would have someone I knew and truste supervise, and if that wasn't an option, I'd see about going back to court, getting an order that specifies supervised visits and take advantage of court supervision - it's usually done at a center where they have court appointed people who watch over the visits of multiple families (at least, around here, it is). 

If Grandma didn't step in to stop it before, she won't step in to stop it next time. And as much as I hate to say this, without someone else to stop it, there will be a next time. Don't rely on her to be the wall that stands between your son and the abuse of her son. 

Rebecca7708
by Platinum Member on Jan. 6, 2015 at 12:23 PM

Supervised visits only. Get a court order, if neccessary.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jan. 6, 2015 at 12:24 PM

Supervised visits by someone who will actually help him.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jan. 6, 2015 at 12:26 PM

I'm assuming everything is still at your discretion?  I would allow some lunches, a movie, some kind of thing like that.  I wouldn't allow overnights.  

Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Jan. 6, 2015 at 12:27 PM

He's an addict, NO CONTACT!! Your ds doesn't deserve to be put through all that drama, the lies, the manipulation, the anger, the unpredictablity, the no shows, eetc.....please don't put your son through that

kgsharber
by Platinum Member on Jan. 6, 2015 at 12:28 PM
1 mom liked this
No. Do not feel bad. Let your ex live the consequences of his actions.

Also, kids do not make adult decisions. Let your ds know that this is not up to him and never will be. Actions speak louder than words, and your ex's actions will speak for him. If he wants to keep seeing your ds in public places, so be it, because at least a stranger would piece him better than his own grandparents. However, I would say for an hour and a half tops!

He showed you he is not capable of dealing with your ds for any longer, don't put him in that predicament again. You are stable, you make the rules. Not the ex.
quinnsmom715
by Ruby Member on Jan. 6, 2015 at 12:34 PM

do you really think his mom can stop him if hes drunk or high?he could even hurt her..he needs a year of sobriety and anger management before you should even entertain this idea..

MastersonQueen
by Bronze Member on Jan. 6, 2015 at 1:58 PM

 Yeah I know I would feel completely different about all of it, had his grand parents been able to stop him the first time. The fact that they couldn't when they are ones I thought would protect him just makes things that much more difficult.

Quoting Snowbunnies45: Nope. I'd be taking it back to court and get it court ordered he needs supervised visits. If his grandparents can't even protect him, hell no. And of course he cried and said sorry for what happened he is an addict and knows how,to get what he wants. He did that for show

 

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