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He is refusing to marry me if I don't do something...

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 235 Replies
About the "Chaysse situation."

This is a long story. So hang on to your hats and try to follow along.

I met my ex in 2000. We married later that year. Tried to get pregnant for 3 1/2 years before finally conceiving. In 2004, when our son Dylan was 3 months old he told me he had gotten another woman pregnant. Their son was born exactly 10 days before our son's first birthday.

We were trying to work it out. We were still together when Chaysse was born. Chaysse's mother called me from the hospital trying to reach my Ex to tell him about the baby. We went down together with Dylan. It was the first time if met her. She was barely 19, a baby, and terrified. I held baby Chaysse against my own wishes because Dylan was scared and wanted to see him.

A few weeks later the girl, her name is Christine, came to out home one night at dinner and asked if we would keep him. He is my son's brother, so I agreed.

Christine has always been s good enough secondary parent. She paid child support when she could. Took visitation every other weekend etc.

Eventually they (ex and Christine) started having an affair. In 2008, he and I divorced. But here's wheree it gets weird.

My ex decided to leave custody of Dylan AND Chaysse with me. They have since gotten married.

They pay me $1500/mo for the boys in CS. They are always willing to buy whatever they need. They take both boys every other weekend and every other holiday. And come to all birthday parties and school functions. But neither wants custody. For now anyways.


Dylan will be 11 on 3-17 of this year, Chaysse will be 10 on 3-7.

My fiancée says he won't marry me until we do something with Chaysse. Either they sign rights over to me. Something making me his legal guardian. Or they take custody. He doesn't like the limbo.

I honestly don't know what I want. I don't love Chaysee the same as I do Dylan. I probably never will. But I care for him, and do love him in a different way. And he is my sons brother, and this is the only home he knows.

It's a mess.
Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 6, 2015 at 2:10 PM
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Replies (1-10):
peanutsmommy1
by Ruby Member on Jan. 6, 2015 at 2:12 PM
2 moms liked this

yep, that is a mess

kee1006b
by Gold Member on Jan. 6, 2015 at 2:12 PM
4 moms liked this

Ummmm, idk.  I honestly don't think I couldblameachild for the sins of the father, and df is doing just that

malibucj
by Platinum Member on Jan. 6, 2015 at 2:13 PM
24 moms liked this
I give you credit. You're a strong woman to raise that little boy.
momma2mms
by Kristin on Jan. 6, 2015 at 2:13 PM
11 moms liked this
That is a mess! Ask for guardianship since you have already had him for almost 10 years!!
blinx
by Gold Member on Jan. 6, 2015 at 2:15 PM
Talk to ex about taking custody of his son. And your SO needs to love you and be with you but butt out.
smalltownteddy
by on Jan. 6, 2015 at 2:15 PM
18 moms liked this
You need to adopt that little boy. His mom and dad obviously do not want to be his parents.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 6, 2015 at 2:16 PM
2 moms liked this
I don't think so. I think he just wants to know where we stand with Chaysse permanently. What if we decide to move? Of what if I get sick? Or Chaysse does?

Quoting kee1006b:

Ummmm, idk.  I honestly don't think I couldblameachild for the sins of the father, and df is doing just that

Krystle1216
by Gold Member on Jan. 6, 2015 at 2:16 PM
4 moms liked this
Sure does sound like a mess, and not something I would of allowed to happen if they were adult enough to make this child THEN go ahead and continue the affair and eventually get married then they CAN & SHOULD be given THEIR child back.

Your allowing them to live this carefree life while they tornado through everyone else's lives..
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jan. 6, 2015 at 2:17 PM
9 moms liked this

Time to tell the ex and his wife that they need to sign over custody.  Your DF is not wrong wanting an end to the limbo situation.  It never should have dragged on this long.

PhantomRose88
by Ruby Member on Jan. 6, 2015 at 2:17 PM
10 moms liked this
Im not really sure why the child is any concern of your fiance? The child was there before him and is being cared for financially from the bio dad. If he cant except the boy, Id kick him to the curb.
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