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A second chance?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 15 Replies
My mom contacted me for the first time in several years, asking for forgiveness, and a chance to be a part of my life. I'm not sure what I should do.
What would you do?

And the backstory: I was raped at 15, got pregnant, and kept the baby. My mother was very unhappy with that choice. She pushed me to abort at first, and once I was past the legal limit, pushed me to let her sister, my aunt, adopt the baby. She wouldn't speak to me for several months after my son was born because I kept him. I'm sure if my father hadn't stopped her, she would have thrown us out. She finally got over it and things settled down. I moved out at 18. At 19, I got pregnant from a one night stand. I had never really gotten help for the rape and was messed up in a lot of ways. I know it was stupid, but I don't regret the babies I had. I have no idea who their father is, I didn't know his name. My mother went through the same spiel as she did the first time, but it was even worse. My aunt had had two miscarriages between my two pregnancies, my mom wanted me to give at least one baby to her. We had a huge blow out fight, she called me a lot of names, told me I was a horrible slut, my kids should be taken away because I was a single mother and more, and I haven't spoken to her since. She and my father ended up divorcing, partially because of how she treated me, but they also had other issues. I moved across the country and my father followed me. We have a great relationship, he is remarried, and I love his wife.
I miss my mother, but I miss the mother she was when I was kid, not the woman she was when I was teenager and needed her the most.

I don't know what to do. I did give her a second chance, and it ended in disaster. I don't know if I want to try again.
Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 6, 2015 at 11:57 PM
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Replies (1-10):
sarbear8508
by Platinum Member on Jan. 7, 2015 at 12:08 AM
I'd be torn, because it's your mom. But you said it yourself you miss the mom from your childhood, and I think she's long gone. ((Hugs))
bellawomen
by Summer on Jan. 7, 2015 at 12:08 AM
I would be straight with her. Missing who she was doesn't mean you miss who she is. You have to decide if she is toxic. If so, you are better off without her.
KiraLise
by Bronze Member on Jan. 7, 2015 at 12:09 AM

Sounds like a whole bunch of toxic energy to me. I'd keep that at bay. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 7, 2015 at 12:11 AM
That's my problem. She is my mother, and she may have changed again, it has been a few years, and she sounded sincere. Then again, she may really be long gone and only the toxic woman I remember is there. Thanks.

Quoting sarbear8508: I'd be torn, because it's your mom. But you said it yourself you miss the mom from your childhood, and I think she's long gone. ((Hugs))
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 7, 2015 at 12:12 AM
I don't know if she still is, for all I know, she really may have changed. She did apologize for, and acknowledge, her horrible behavior in the past. I want to give her a chance, but I don't want to open myself up to that kind of hurt again.

Quoting bellawomen: I would be straight with her. Missing who she was doesn't mean you miss who she is. You have to decide if she is toxic. If so, you are better off without her.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 7, 2015 at 12:13 AM
That was my first though. But what if she has changed?

Quoting KiraLise:

Sounds like a whole bunch of toxic energy to me. I'd keep that at bay. 

cleansedbyglory
by on Jan. 7, 2015 at 12:14 AM

:( i am sorry you were raped. 

How old are the kids now?

<3

I feel the same way, only towards my dad. He was a great dad when i was in elem school. then he started verbally abusing us, and physically abusing me. :(

I don't know what to do either. so here is a bump.


giving dad heartgood luckgroup hug

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 7, 2015 at 12:15 AM
1 mom liked this
My oldest is 12, the twins are 8.

Thanks.

Quoting cleansedbyglory:

:( i am sorry you were raped. 

How old are the kids now?

<3

I feel the same way, only towards my dad. He was a great dad when i was in elem school. then he started verbally abusing us, and physically abusing me. :(

I don't know what to do either. so here is a bump.

giving dad heartgood luckgroup hug

ff-princess
by Ruby Member on Jan. 7, 2015 at 12:15 AM

you couldn't pay me to open myself up to that shitstorm.

Brandyns87
by on Jan. 7, 2015 at 12:21 AM
As a Christian I forgive everyone. And whether or not you yourself are a Christian forgiving people is a part of the healing process. I say forgive her, but keep your guard up. Forgive but don't forget.
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