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He asked me to quit my job and stay home........

Posted by on Jan. 14, 2015 at 9:40 AM
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I went to school all last year and then got a job at a bakery. I loved my job, loved the work, the people, the paycheck, pretty much everything except how much my kids hated me not being available for everything I used to. Plus, I wasn't good at balancing housework and work-work. So my hubby and I talked about it and he flat out asked me to quit and be home to care for the kids, house, him like I did before work. It made me feel good and almost honored that he needed and wanted that from me. I looked at it as cool and special. I have aspergers and don't look at or react to things like "normal" people. I found out last night that he feels like people I have told that to look at him like he's an asshole. Like it's a Bad thing. That makes no sense to me but then there are a lot of things that mystify me about the way others see things. So I'm asking you ladies....does that seem like an asshole-ish thing to ask?

P.S. This is NOT a debate about working verses staying at home! I'm happy doing either and don't care what others are doing or feeling about that. This is me wanting to figure out if my hubby is being over sensitive or if I screwed up again.
by on Jan. 14, 2015 at 9:40 AM
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Replies (1-10):
MrsCountryMama
by Beth on Jan. 14, 2015 at 9:42 AM
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No. It seems like he really values you and everything you did at home.
OwlNuggets
by HAIL NUGGY! on Jan. 14, 2015 at 9:43 AM

No, I get what you mean. My husband asked the same of me, and I also felt extremely honored and special that he WANTED to support me and keep me at home. We have a five-year plan in place, and in that duration I plan to become a phlebotomist and go back to work in that field.

ejkdmom
by Platinum Member on Jan. 14, 2015 at 9:43 AM
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No.  It is an assholeish thing to DEMAND, but to ask and discuss as a couple and come to a decision it is not. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Jan. 14, 2015 at 9:44 AM

I don't think you screwed up.  I think he's being a little too sensitive. 

I would love it if my DH asked me to quit my job, I work at home but it's still a job with set hours and during that time I don't do any housework or really anything but work.  If he would be more onboard with me and our budget, we could definitely manage but apparently that's not going to happen anytime soon so I'm stuck working. 

Charity83
by Gold Member on Jan. 14, 2015 at 9:45 AM
There may have been something in your tone that seemed like displeasure to these people you told. Or maybe they just couldn't read you well. I'm saying this because I know a 16 year old boy with aspergers. At first I was like wtf is up with this kid? He was 13 then. But then someone explained the issue to me. He's said plenty of things to me that leave me going uhmmm... Ok...

But he's learning and can't "read" people and situations like I can. He's trying to be mature and grown up and have adult conversations and it's just part of his learning process.

Tell DH you are really sorry that it came out that way. You never intended that. And be mindful of this when you talk about it in the future.

Whether you were or were not wrong, someone has to be the bigger person sometimes :)
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jan. 14, 2015 at 9:45 AM

Maybe he realizes that the house, kids and him need you more than yall need the money. Maybe once the kids get older and does their own thing, you can look into a job again. or try getting one that is part time with maybe 20 hours a week. that way you are still around for everything.

brettsmomma
by ~Tammie~ on Jan. 14, 2015 at 9:47 AM
1 mom liked this

 Look. At some point adults realize they need to live for themselves not the opinions of others.

I gave up a great career to stay home when my husband asked. I also am honored I'm needed this much. We could care less what anyone else feels about our decision.

WickedOpal
by Ruby Member on Jan. 14, 2015 at 9:48 AM

It depends on how you phrased it when you told them, really.  I have found that when I say, "He asked me to stay home and I agreed or I was happy to stay home.", instead of, "He told me to stay home.", people have a more positive reaction to it.  Sometimes, it's all about how you word it.  If you are certain that you said it in a positive light and people are STILL saying things, then it's not you.  It's them misinterpreting it or him being too sensitive about it.  I find that I can say things in a way that gives a different impression than I meant to, so I know how it is.  I am a much better writer.  LOL

gradysmom2006
by on Jan. 14, 2015 at 9:48 AM
I asked my husband to stay home and Im not an asshole. So I view these situations as a couple looking at what's best for the whole family.
DrunkenFaeGirl
by on Jan. 14, 2015 at 9:50 AM

I think you're both fine.  I am sure that people do think he's an asshole for it because I was told flat out that any man who wants his woman to stay home is a dick - by another man!  Just tell anyone who thinks that how much YOU want to do what's best for your family and that you came to this decision as a couple after he SUGGESTED it and YOU AGREED.

You can always go back to work again once the kids are older.

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