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we just cannot get along

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 7 Replies

me and my ex cannot get along to save our lives! its frustrating b/c i want to get along... or at least along enough to know that i'm doing the right thing.

he gets pissed at me because i dont want to be with him. honestly, i dont want to be in ANY relationship right now. i have a shit job, with a shit future, feeling like shit thats been flushed down the toilet! i'm not in ANY position to be in a relationship. i want to better myself- emotionally, mentally and for my future. if i'm unhappy now, i know i wont be happy in a relationship... and i know me- i'll blame my unhappiness on my partner, we'll break up and i'll be back here- square one- trying to better myself.

so after he gets mad at me, then i get mad at him. why? because i dont really like him. i hate how he's confrontational, i hate how he's taken pride into this little thug life mentality. the worst part? our son is almost 10 years old and he's NOT there for him, never has been, isnt now, and most likely, never will be. i hold SO much anger towards him on that. (though a bigger part of me is happy that he 'chose' to stay away from DS so he wouldnt have to witness that BS)

so i suggested counseling-- for me and him, for him and DS (b/c ds has his own issues with the guy).... but he refused to go. and yes, i am in counseling for just myself (ds is also in counseling. he wanted to die b/c his dad didnt want him. i was scared shitless b/c idk if depression runs in the family and i didnt want to risk him getting worse and actually trying to kill himself). i hold anger that he doesnt care about DS. its his child too-- yet he doesnt ask about him, unless i point it out. he just doesnt care. i've also suggested mediation- the few times he wanted to be apart of ds' life--- also was turned down.

i try not to get mad at him, i try not to let him get to me like that... but its hard b/c then he'll do his passive aggressive "if you wont be with me then i'll do---" whatever: kill myself, move away, screw up my life, go to prison for life. you name it, he's said it. it's not getting to me anymore, like who cares- if you want to, then just do it but dont blame it on me. it doesnt take any skin off my back b/c you arent here now. if you move away, kill yourself, go to prison- my life will be the same as it has been since my son has been born. my son's life will be the same as its always been, except he'll have to deal with whatever consequence you chose (who wants to deal with the fact that their father is in prison... or that he killed himself ya know? DS doesnt know him really, but i'm sure it'll affect him just the same).

idk how to just let go of this anger i have towards him. its like this tiny flame that can get bigger when he takes his anger out on me. i want this flame extinguished. i want it just completely gone, but i dont know how.

when he's MIA from our lives, it feels as if the fire is gone. but when he tries to come back, it gets re-ignited.


Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 14, 2015 at 11:10 PM
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Replies (1-7):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 14, 2015 at 11:37 PM

 bump

Hannahluvsdogs
by Keyser Söze on Jan. 14, 2015 at 11:39 PM

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 19, 2015 at 7:29 PM
Bump
donnag013
by Platinum Member on Jan. 19, 2015 at 7:39 PM

You have to completely disengage from this guy. Totally. Have a constant response like "If you wish to discuss our son, I will, but no other topics." Or, "Any further communication needs to be through the courts". Text him that anytime he calls or texts. If he goes off on a tangent, such as threatening to go to prison or kill himself, hang up or text him that you will talk about your child and nothing else. Be a broken record. Same communication every time. Over and over. When he sees that you won't engage, he will eventually stop. Remember, Broken record.

As far as the rest of your life is going, what can you do to make it better. The time is now, don't wait. Go to school, get trained for a new job, apply for a promotion or new job. It's up to you.

Spare.Time
by on Jan. 19, 2015 at 7:41 PM
He's an ex for many reasons. Move on
achorney
by Silver Member on Jan. 19, 2015 at 7:41 PM

So shut the door and leave it closed. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 19, 2015 at 7:56 PM
I just started therapy. Idk if it's just my perspective that's all messed up (since everything feels like shit), or if it's really just being stuck at a dead end.

I've also started volunteering into different things, kinda get a feel for what I want to do. Like i love working with kids so one of my volunteer is at a women's and children shelter, working more with the kids. I'm thinking about maybe something along that- either childcare or community based. Lol idk yet.

It's just that's the base of me- then he adds all this other stuff and it's worse bc he thinks it's punishing me, but it's really punishing ds.

Quoting donnag013:

You have to completely disengage from this guy. Totally. Have a constant response like "If you wish to discuss our son, I will, but no other topics." Or, "Any further communication needs to be through the courts". Text him that anytime he calls or texts. If he goes off on a tangent, such as threatening to go to prison or kill himself, hang up or text him that you will talk about your child and nothing else. Be a broken record. Same communication every time. Over and over. When he sees that you won't engage, he will eventually stop. Remember, Broken record.

As far as the rest of your life is going, what can you do to make it better. The time is now, don't wait. Go to school, get trained for a new job, apply for a promotion or new job. It's up to you.

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