Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

I want my marriage to work, SO bad... But I don't know

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 37 Replies

DH and I met online and started dating in 2009. I was a single mom with a baby. We dated for 3-4 months then things got weird and we stopped talking. No fight or anything, he just seemed shady and I didnt trust him. I thought he was seeing other girls (he was but I didnt know until years later). About 6 months later he crossed my mind. I was living alone with my baby in a state far away from him. I added him on FB and we reconnected. He was all romantic and convinced me to come see him. I did, and we ended up getting back together after dating for 3 months, and me flying back & fourth all the time to see him. I didnt need him. I wanted him. I was financially secure on my own. 


I got pregnant (I had an IUD in but it became embedded and I didnt know). Needless to say I was shocked. Baby turned out to be okay although I did have a lot of bleeding. We moved in together when I was 11 weeks pregnant. We got married when our baby was 3 months old. We got along just fine and he was a good enough guy. He stepped up and took over the daddy position for my other baby and was providing for all of us financially. I didnt ask any of this of him. In fact I was considering abortion and he didnt want me to. Asked me to quit my job and move in with him.


While I was pregnant the romance fizzled and he lost interest in me. I caught him flirting on facebook with girls from his home state. That perked up my suspicions again of him being a cheat. Eventually I did catch him cheating on me. Our daughter was about a year old. I was over weight from the pregnancy and hadnt lost the weight. He was uninterested. Funny thing is, the girls he cheated with were not attractive at all and he even admitted it. He said it was exciting and he couldnt help himself because he had never been faithful to any woman. That he was trying to be faithful but it was like an addiction for him, and he didnt know how to stop. That he didnt want to hurt me and it wasnt about me it was him.


His job takes him away a lot and puts him in hotels with male and female co-workers (different rooms). I just cant stop being anxious, depressed, and CONSTANTLY worrying. Playng detective and trying to catch him again. I cant stop. I dont know how. I want to stop, and I HATE feeling this way. Always worrying.


Its been two years since the cheating happened. 5 years together. Over the two years after the cheating I caught him talking to the other women (two) texting, emailing from secret email accounts, and messenger apps. I caught him probably 6 or 7 times communicating with them. He has proved to me that he is not testable so many times. I always leave for a week, or a month, or two months, and then we always get back together and see a marriage counselor for a while. This last time I caught him,  I set him up. I posed as the other woman and emailed him. He told me that she messaged him and he told her to leave him alone. Which he did. Then the next day he told her (really was me) that he missed her and that I saw the message and might contact her. I was crushed. I was starting to really trust him and didnt want to let go of my guard until I knew for a fact I could (thats why I tested him).


We get along amazingly. We never fight.The only thing in our relationship we have ever argued about is sex (he never wants it), and him cheating/lying about girls periodically. We have a great life together but this is just starting to become too much for me. I have tried so hard to be a good wife. Our family is great and we get along great. He just cant keep his dick in his pants. I feel like less of a woman, I dont feel like I am lovable, and I am very self conscious. Its so dumb too. I am a personal trainer and a fitness model, I have done tons of pageants over the years and I take great care of myself. He doesnt, but he has the ego of a guy who does. He is over weight and lazy. I dont hold it against him and love him anyways because he has always been there for me. I just am SO torn. I want my marriage to work SO bad. I dont want to give up on him, or on our family. I dont want to be with anyone else. I just want him to stop, and control himself. I dont want to give up our family, and I dont want to be that young single mom with two kids by two dads and a divorce under her belt. I dont want my kids growing up in two homes with two sets of parents. They see us laughing, playing, hugging, kissing, and being great friends all the time. They never see us argue about this. I just dont know what is right.


Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 20, 2015 at 1:00 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 20, 2015 at 11:52 PM

bump

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 20, 2015 at 11:57 PM

bump

Emycf
by on Jan. 21, 2015 at 12:02 AM
I didn't read your whole post. I stopped where he was cheating after you gave birth to the second baby. Honestly, I would not stay if I knew dh was cheating.

You and your children deserve better.
TexanMomOf6
by Platinum Member on Jan. 21, 2015 at 12:03 AM
1 mom liked this
A marriage is only as good as the least involved person.


What would you tell your best friend if she was in your situation?
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 21, 2015 at 12:10 AM

I have no idea. :( I am too embarrassed to tell anyone about it.

Quoting TexanMomOf6: A marriage is only as good as the least involved person. What would you tell your best friend if she was in your situation?


QuietNarrative
by Silver Member on Jan. 21, 2015 at 12:14 AM
How do you get along amazingly with a man you don't trust?
TexanMomOf6
by Platinum Member on Jan. 21, 2015 at 12:16 AM
You don't have to tell anyone irl. It can be thrown back into your face.

Have you considered family therapy?

Just know: you cannot cannot cannot cannot cannot change someone else. You either accept his actions as they are or you move on.


Quoting Anonymous 1:

I have no idea. :( I am too embarrassed to tell anyone about it.

Quoting TexanMomOf6: A marriage is only as good as the least involved person.


What would you tell your best friend if she was in your situation?

vreed0608
by Bronze Member on Jan. 21, 2015 at 12:17 AM
He's never been faithful. Do you think it will change? Sometimes you have to leave. You deserve better than a man who doesn't love you enough to only want you. Get out before he gets you pregnant again. You'll be ok with your 2 babies. My mother left my cheating father and raised 3 kids alone.
SeaNymph09
by Gold Member on Jan. 21, 2015 at 12:20 AM
1 mom liked this
I couldn't stay with a cheater. Once the trust is gone the relationship is over.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jan. 21, 2015 at 12:21 AM
1 mom liked this

Well... if one needs a  nice meal ticket- sound like you found yourself one.    Just make sure you're set financially.  Make sure all the money is in your name, etc.. YOU are on the life insurance.... make it all iron clad...........

If you can stand it... and you need the meal ticket.. what else are ya gonna do?  Do you imagine life without him as being better?  If so,  work on leaving, if not,  well. stay.

Stranger arrangements have been done I guess.    But maybe talk him into getting snipped so NO more babies are  EVER made.. that would take money away from you all.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)