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Of course I'm irrational, let's be real here!

Posted by on Jan. 20, 2015 at 12:32 PM
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1) I was severely abused physically, emotionally, psychologically, and verbally my entire life.

2) I survived an abusive relationship with my ex, and finally mustered the courage to leave after he tried to hit our terminally ill DD.

3) I've suffered two brutal miscarriages that nearly killed me, and my hip is now permanently fucked up due to an injury that occured during the first emergency D&C.

4) I suffered through a rough pregnancy, and fought tooth and nail to stay pregnant, only to give birth to a child with a terminal genetic illness who had no hope whatsoever of survival. Pontocerebellar Hypoplasia, for those who are wondering. It's fatal in all cases. There is no cure, and no treatment beyond trying to manage symptoms.

5) I suffer from severe, debilitating pain 24/7, for which a diagnosis has no yet been found. I constantly feel like I was put through a rock tumbler, and then left out in the sun for way to long. The only definitive diagnosis I have in chronic subluxation of my right hip, and degenerative scoliosis. Neither of those two things explain the pain everywhere else in my body.

6) I have a heart condition AND a clotting disorder that could potentially kill me at any time without warning.

7) I endure ADHD, high-functioning autism, C-PTSD, major depression, generalized anxiety, agoraphobia, and a severe driving phobia.

So, of course I'm "crazy" and irrational. Who wouldn't be?! I'm a severely broken human being, but I'm still in college, still in therapy, and I can still hold down a job despite everything I deal with.

Right now I'm just proud of myself for not wanting to put a bullet through my head anymore. For the first time in my life, I have hope. I'm happy, for the most part, and I want to LIVE. So, yea, I'm completely FUBAR, but I'm TRYING dammit!

by on Jan. 20, 2015 at 12:32 PM
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