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need advice with male best friend.

Posted by on Jan. 20, 2015 at 9:03 PM
  • 17 Replies
My best friend is a guy. We've been best friends since grade school. I moved out of state 15 years ago, and got married. He would come visit my husband and I at least twice a year. FYI - him and my husband have become best friends over the years. We all love each other, my mom is even best friends with his mom. So there is no funny business. Everything has always been totally platonic (since I know some of you are wondering...lol) it's nothing but pure friendship.

Anyhow, last time he came to visit was 5 years ago. He came for our wedding, and walked me down the isle (he was the only one available, no dad or male relatives) I wouldn't have had it any other way.

That was the first time I met his girlfriend, they are now married. He doesn't come visit anymore and I am real hurt. His wife keeps convincing him to go to lavish countries and travel the world, so he tells me he cannot come see us because he is too busy doing all this cool stuff.

His wife is the best thing that has ever happened to him, however....if I was to solely go off my gut...I'm pretty sure she is extremely threatened by me. My husband thinks she is too (he is also butt hurt, cause he misses his buddy as much as I do....he is part of our family)

I have been home several times and visited with them, but she makes sure to keep me at a distance keep our visits short. Her last excuse was "we can only have lunch for 30 min cause we're schedule for a massage before we go to this art show". Um...you just HAD to have your couples massage before your lame friend's art show.I haven't seen you in 2 years...and your fudging massage and art show is what's most important. Ok.

He was supposed to visit this year, and he just broke it to me that they planned a big trip to Iceland...so he can't make it. I will be going hack home for a few days in march, but I am inclined to not call him.

I feel like I am being extremely ridiculous, but I can't shake this hurt feeling....as if we just keep getting pushed to the side.

I cannot explain how much I miss my best friend...that I grew up with, that walked me down the isle, that was there for the birth of my child, that helped my 75 year old mom move when no one else would.

Is it silly for me to feel resentment?

How would you deal? I just feel like we don't matter anymore and that kinda hurts...

Any advice would be appreciated. :)
by on Jan. 20, 2015 at 9:03 PM
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Replies (1-10):
samurai_chica
by Silver Member on Jan. 20, 2015 at 9:05 PM
I'm on kindle...sorry for crappy typing...
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Jan. 20, 2015 at 9:09 PM
1 mom liked this
I can understand why you are hurt. There is nothing you can do though. Just let him go.
LyTe684
by on Jan. 20, 2015 at 9:12 PM
I understand. How long have they been together?
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jan. 20, 2015 at 9:13 PM
1 mom liked this
If I were you I would just stop talking o him.

If he wants to talk with you he will.

If you don't want to do that, why not tell him how you feel.
RayneofTerror
by Silver Member on Jan. 20, 2015 at 9:13 PM
1 mom liked this

this. it always hurts losing a friend. i have a best guy friend put his wife first (which he absolutely should have done, she's his wife) which meant we couldn't be friends anymore. I chose not to fight for the friendship because i respected his marraige to much. I hope your heart stops hurting soon and you can just have the good memories. 

Quoting Anonymous 1: I can understand why you are hurt. There is nothing you can do though. Just let him go.





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i'm experiencing Deja Moo: The feeling that i've heard this bullplop before. 

samurai_chica
by Silver Member on Jan. 20, 2015 at 9:16 PM


Quoting Anonymous 1: I can understand why you are hurt. There is nothing you can do though. Just let him go.

i was afriad that would be the kind of reply i would get...lol...but thank you. It hurts to let such a wonderful friendship go. I'm sure it will never end completely...but for now, it hurts and i don't think it will be easy for that to go away.


DensHag
by Ruby Member on Jan. 20, 2015 at 9:17 PM
1 mom liked this
I would call or email him and tell him that you miss him and you and DH are sad that you feel you have lost his friendship. Just be honest and see what he says. Ultimately it's up to him to pursue seeing you guys and letting his wife know what's up. If he can't stand up to her you are kind of out of luck. Sorry, it's a sad situation:(
bigmouthbabe
by on Jan. 20, 2015 at 9:18 PM
Sounds like you like him more than friends from what I read.

He's making his choice to not see you. His wife may influence that decision, but he's making it. Back off. If he wants to continue the friendship he will otherwise respect his decision.
samurai_chica
by Silver Member on Jan. 20, 2015 at 9:19 PM


Quoting LyTe684: I understand. How long have they been together?

5 years. They were brand spankin' new when he brought her to our wedding.

They got married 2 years later, so married 3 years. He always told me i would be his "best man"...but she convinced him to elope...i actually cried about that....lol....to miss the wedding of such a loved one sucks.



samurai_chica
by Silver Member on Jan. 20, 2015 at 9:22 PM


Quoting Anonymous 2: If I were you I would just stop talking o him. If he wants to talk with you he will. If you don't want to do that, why not tell him how you feel.

He's so open and free, there is a good chance he'd tell his wife and I  think she would hate me even more...lol...so i feel like bringing it up with him is walking on thin ice. i KNOW he would talk to her about it...he's always been brutally honest, and cannot keep secrets.


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