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Go ahead, eat me alive

Posted by on Jan. 31, 2015 at 1:56 PM
  • 84 Replies
I hate being pregnant.

I feel no attachment to this baby. Unless resentment and bitterness are forms of attachment.

I wish adoption was an option but my son would be beyond heartbroken. He is excited beyond belief to have a brother.

I hate when the baby moves. I hate taking my prenatal vitamins. I hate talking about it. I hate the sight of his father. I want to take all the stupid baby stuff I've bought so far and rip everything to shreds.

I cannot think of even one reason to be excited or happy. All a baby is is work and exhaustion and childcare cost and inconvenience. What is there to be happy about?

I feel totally empty aside from my anger. Yes, it's my fault I'm pregnant. Trust me, I hate myself for it. I should have been celibate. I wish I'd never met his dad.

I'm due in July. That's 5 more miserable fucking months and then a lifetime of this...kid.

My son, 10, was diagnosed as autistic Wednesday. I've likely cried 100 times since then. He needs me...he needs so much. I have to help him. There's no way this baby won't hinder that.

I have never felt so angry and dark and full of rage and hopelessness. I do not have what it takes to love this child, but there is no way out. I'm trapped.

When I think of holding my newborn baby, I feel nothing. Just blank. I don't want to. I hope I can stay in the hospital for a month so I can just sleep and avoid dealing with him.

There. Hate me.
by on Jan. 31, 2015 at 1:56 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Jan. 31, 2015 at 1:59 PM
1 mom liked this

That poor baby :(

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jan. 31, 2015 at 1:59 PM
10 moms liked this

You need to talk to a professional about these feelings.  Not cafemom.

NBVP1
by Gold Member on Jan. 31, 2015 at 2:00 PM
I have no desire to not have them. There is no motivation for me to fix it. I am resigned to having no emotional attachment to this baby. He doesn't feel like part of me or deserving of my attention at all.

Quoting Anonymous 2:

You need to talk to a professional about these feelings.  Not cafemom.

FrumpyPigSkin
by Don't Burn The Pig on Jan. 31, 2015 at 2:01 PM
I'm not going to hate you. Pregnancy is tough, even tougher when there are other issues going on. Hugs mama. I hope things look up for you soon.
Amybelle
by on Jan. 31, 2015 at 2:01 PM

 THIS a Thousand Times! 

Quoting Anonymous 2:

You need to talk to a professional about these feelings.  Not cafemom.


AliKatAK47
by Meanie Pants on Jan. 31, 2015 at 2:01 PM
I'm sorry.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jan. 31, 2015 at 2:02 PM
1 mom liked this
"I do not have what it takes to love this child, but there is no way out. I'm trapped." Then you know what to do. You MUST give this child up if these feelings don't go away, regardless of your circumstances. These are serious, serious feelings. You can do it.
thenameshailie
by Emerald Member on Jan. 31, 2015 at 2:02 PM
I felt similar to this during my last pregnancy and it took months for me to bond after the birth too. But now we have and she's the best. It isn't necessarily permanent feelings, but talking to someone may help.
Danesmommy1
by Grammar Enthusiast on Jan. 31, 2015 at 2:03 PM
I'm sorry you feel this way. I agree with the PPs, speak to your doctor.
maminka-4
by on Jan. 31, 2015 at 2:03 PM
3 moms liked this
There is such a thing as pregnancy depression. Had it with my first.

Please seek help. For your own health. Do this for you.

Do you have any family friends who might be able to help with the new baby while you help your oldest?

Big hugs!
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