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How would you go about it?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 17 Replies

I am going anon for privacy reasons.


Backstory: DH's ex took off with their DD when their DD was just 6 months old, never to be seen nor heard from again. His DD is now 7 years old. He, and now we, have been searching all this time.


Current: We found out DH's ex died last year. Not sure why or how. DH found an address finally of where his DD might be, and through a lot of searching, we have found many pictures and a few videos of his DD. We all want to go forward now that we finally know where she is, but we're not sure if we should now, at the same time. His DD lost her mother last year, and for all we know, she could know someone else as "daddy." Some stranger coming in saying he's her dad would really confuse her, I'm sure, and turn her world upside down. We have reason to believe DH's DD is currently living with her older brother and his fiancee. She looks genuinely happy in all pictures and videos.


There are many pros and cons. But what would you do? Chance scarring her for life and fight for her, or let her be and when she's older, have the chance of her hating her dad? They are only about a half hour away from us. What's your call?


The only way I know how to explain our feelings is this: Someone spends their whole life trying to accomplish just one goal. That person finally accomplishes that goal, at least to the finish line, but then doesn't know what to do with him/her self after that goal is finally accomplished. That's how we feel right now. We finally found her, but what is best for her now?

Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 31, 2015 at 5:18 PM
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Replies (1-10):
bluebunnybabe
by kid crack dealer on Jan. 31, 2015 at 5:20 PM
Well, I would think making contact & establishing paternity & then moving forward with him getting to know her through visits with her & her family.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 31, 2015 at 5:24 PM

BUMP!

MissTuree
by Gold Member on Jan. 31, 2015 at 5:25 PM
It may be wild for her but she will appreciate having her dad search for her and coming into her life soooo much. Especially after losing her mom.
hotwife1
by Member on Jan. 31, 2015 at 5:26 PM
You think DD is living with DD's older brother and fiancee or with the ex's older brother and fiancee?

Do you think the person(s) the DD is living with knows that DD was taken from her dad?

Could you talk to this person in a non-confrontational way with the discussion being what's best for the child?
brettsmomma
by ~Tammie~ on Jan. 31, 2015 at 5:28 PM

 Her mom is dead. He has been absent all this time. i would think this is the time he needs to make some sort of contact with her guardians.

krazymom2boyz
by Platinum Member on Jan. 31, 2015 at 5:30 PM
I think definitely introduce yourselves to her and spend some time with her. Get to know her, develop a relationship and be a part of her life. Coming in all at once and taking her from a family she lives would do much more harm than good. After a few years and a good relationship established talk to her about getting custody. That's what I would advise.
kikibix
by Ruby Member on Jan. 31, 2015 at 5:30 PM

I'd consult a lawyer to get things squared away there first and then approach the family to discuss what would be in this girls best interest.  She's young and may adjust better now to having another family then later on when she will no doubt resent her Dad for not being there and trying hard enough to find her and be in her life.  It needs to be a gradual process and you need to be willing to make the ex's family a part of your extended family.  You guys are strangers while the ex's family are her family. You also need to totally respect and understand this girls feelings good or bad.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 31, 2015 at 5:37 PM

We believe that my DH's DD is living with her older brother, so DD's older brother, and her older brother's fiancee.

Her brother knows about her dad, he actually lived in this house for a few months while DH and DH's ex were together. He has not tried to contact my DH at all. Because of this, I do not believe that he would agree to my DH meeting his DD without a fight.

Quoting hotwife1: You think DD is living with DD's older brother and fiancee or with the ex's older brother and fiancee? Do you think the person(s) the DD is living with knows that DD was taken from her dad? Could you talk to this person in a non-confrontational way with the discussion being what's best for the child?


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 31, 2015 at 5:44 PM

BUMP!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jan. 31, 2015 at 5:47 PM
Bump
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