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HELP! 5 yr old dd out of control!

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 14 Replies

 We need some help with our 5 yr old dd meldowns! She used to be so sweet and loving but ever since she started attending kendergarden she has been out of control. We think she is picking up some bad behavior for the students in her class. Because she isnt picking this up from home that is for sure.

Anyways ever since school started up again. She hasnt had tantrums she has had complete meltdowns. Today for instance. We told her after spending over a hour at her grandparents that it was time to go home and to put on her coat and shoes. She refused to and we had to chase her down just to put on her shoes. Then I had to fight her tooth and nail to put on her coat. Then I had to pysically pick her up and carry her over my shoulder home (Which is next door.) Not to mention the name calling. She called me Bitch several times over and a idiot. She has threatened to kill me and cut me and to break the house, the tv, the dvds, the car our clothes. Yesterday she got into a fight with my three year old dd and when I told her to stop throwing things at her sister she broke her hair brush in half.

We have tried everything to stop her behavior. We talked to her and told her she had to stop, We tried time out, Threatening to wash her mouth out with soap. (Never did we just threatened.) Spanked (We only spank rarely and that is when she is totally out of control.) Grounded (Currently she is grounded for a week from the wii for the whole situation today.) Taking away toys until she earns them back. Going to bed early, We even went so far as to reward her with candy for good behavior. (Which she hasnt earned one reward yet. But her sisters have earned several.

We dont know what to do. We are thinking of taking her to her pedi this coming week is she doent straighten out. We never heard a bad word about her from school in fact it is the exact oppisite. She is the one getting picked on. Kids throw dirt at her during recess and other kids hit her. But she never tells the teacher even though I have told her too. Has anyone else have any ideas on how we can get her to control her total meltdowns because we have tried everything!

Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 31, 2015 at 6:03 PM
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Replies (1-10):
aradams87
by Ruby Member on Jan. 31, 2015 at 6:11 PM
Be consistent. If you threaten to do something, you have to follow through. Have you tried ignoring her mmeltdowns? Just put her in her room and walk away. If she breaks her own things tell her you won't replace any of it. My DD is 6 and we went through a little bit of this with she started school last year.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 31, 2015 at 6:11 PM

BUMP!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 31, 2015 at 6:33 PM

BUMP!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 31, 2015 at 9:09 PM

BUMP!

eme20913
by Platinum Member on Jan. 31, 2015 at 9:14 PM
Sounds like a combo of not enough sleep and stuff she picked up at school, try having her take a short nap and a snack right after school? My dd had a hard time adjusting too in kindergarten and it turns out she was just exhausted!
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jan. 31, 2015 at 9:15 PM
This. My son isn't even a year old but I have siblings that are a lot younger than me that threw tantrums and had meltdowns. My mom just put then in their room. Worked like a charm!

Quoting aradams87: Be consistent. If you threaten to do something, you have to follow through. Have you tried ignoring her mmeltdowns? Just put her in her room and walk away. If she breaks her own things tell her you won't replace any of it. My DD is 6 and we went through a little bit of this with she started school last year.
Emycf
by on Jan. 31, 2015 at 9:19 PM
For the refusing to get her coat and shoes on - natural consequences. Gonna have to walk barefoot through the snow. It's right next door so it is not going to hurt her, but it will teach her to put her shoes on when she's told. I know it sounds horribly cruel, but it truly isn't as bad as it sounds (unless you are in crazy below freezing temps or something like that, obviously.) I've had to do this exact technique with a foster child. I didn't want to but his behavioral therapist was adamant that it was safe (from the car to our door) and would work. She was right.

As for the violence and ugly mouth. Time out, time out, time out. Over and over until it sinks in. Talk to her and teach her that it is okay to have negative feelings but it is important to express them in an appropriate and safe manner, then teach her how to use her words to express feelings. This takes a lot of reminders and coaching.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jan. 31, 2015 at 9:22 PM
I had to increase spankings when my dd went thru this. As soon as her bad behavior started, I walked over calmly swatted her 2 times and told her to stop. If she got upset again I swatted her again.

Then I started working with her at home. Since she usually got upset about leaving places we "practiced" leaving places at home.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Jan. 31, 2015 at 9:24 PM
One sounds like maybe she needs a nap. Two perhaps she is upset with being picked on so this is bow she is handling it so try and talk to her and the teacher perhaps she is seeing things during school hrs that may help and let her know what is going on. Three try and figure out why kids are picking on her that may help her out.
Gretch73
by Bronze Member on Jan. 31, 2015 at 9:54 PM

For many, many kids entering Kinder, there is a HUGE transition--and it ain't always pretty!

First off: snacks are nonegotiable: as soon as your child gets in the door BAM! Calories! Blood sugar crashes make for headaches.  20 minutes of "quiet time" laying down is also a REALLY good idea!!! 

 Children go from a small group of people to being part of a crowd, with rules, schedules, expectations, consequences, noise, movement, SMELLS, forced "sharing", and adults giving commands.

Sometimes it takes months, or years, for a child to accept that there really are going to be rules, and things really are going to go this way.  Many, mnay kids seek out the control they no longer have during school by acting out at home.  

Because they cant play blocks during read aloud---they flip out over an apple snack at home 6 hours later.  DOes this make sense to an adult? Hopefully not.  But to a child trying to figure out a whole new world of rules, whipping their favorite doll down the toilet is an act of defiance doen simply because they CAN.

Is this ok? Nope.  Will it get worse before it gets better? Hell yes.  

What can you do to make it end faster? Hopefully the classroom teacher has a behavioral clip chart you can copy, if not--google it.  A good one should look like a rainbow, a child moves up or down based on a choice--no words, no drama. Simply "move your clip down please, or Move you clip up please" A simple explination of "We do not hit our friends" or "I like how I saw you pick up Drew's crayon for him"  Give it ZERO energy.  ZZZEEERRROOOOO.  

There is also a great free meditation chime I used with my kinders, it is free for android and iphones.  My little ones had to touch the sky and breath like the wind as long as they heard the bell ring....we started the first day of school, by December they would ask for it to "Calm their bodies" many times a day.  (Hell it calmed ME many times a day!)  

As hard as it is, give this situation NO energy, just consequences with minimal interactions.  Igore unwanted behavior.  You worte on the wall? You have no markers. No yelling, no crying, whispered voices carry farther than yells...

I would definitely talk to the pedi also, she may have more ideas to help.  Calm silent treatment works quite well---as does gathering up thrown toys and whispering " I guess you dont want this anymore and are done with it" and calmly placing it in a trash bag and removing it.  

If they are reacting, you are REACHING them, they hear you, they just do not like the message.  And that is ok, they will figure out pretty quickly that they dont get a vote, or a stage to perform on.  There will be no crowd, photo ops, or yelling back and forth.   

And it is going to suck......for a while.  

Seriously, I have worked with some very, very emotionally damaged children who spoke limited english--and I got the crap beat out of me routinely. Inner city ESL teacher, restraint trained--you name it.   I can say this works because I have DONE it, year after year.  It is hard to watch a child destroy your space and say "Ok, move your clip, this was not acceptable" when you really want to throw a tantrum too!  

But eventually, they move the clip AND clean up the damage...and then....they verbalize their anger and ask to go for a walk...and then...if you get lucky they ask for a hug instead of being alone...it can take a year--or more of consitent, persitent, maddening repetition and deep breathing to get through the transition to school structure.  

Get support, talk to the staff and your pedi, head this off NOW while you can.  You sound like SUCH a great mom to be so concerned! <3

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