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Visiting during school lunch

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 17 Replies
Sd's bm has had eow visitation but has never used it all. Bm would often dump sd on her sisters during her weekends, and bm's sisters would also use school lunch as a way to see sd, which would be great except every single time they talked trash about dh, bm, and told sd way too many "adult" details about her bm's legal issues.

DH talked to the school about the aunts visiting during lunch, but was told bm had joint legal custody, so if she allowed them to visit, there wasn't anything the school could do to stop them. I kind of got the feeling that lunch time visitors are not well monitored in general.

Recently social services stepped in and bm is not allowed to have any contact with sd whatsoever. The aunts are fuming - they no longer "inherit" bm's visits. We had already decided that any further contact with the aunts would be supervised. They have a relationship with sd, but they also make no secret to her about how much they hate dh.

How do we approach the school about this issue again? They are going to have even more terrible things to say to sd about bm and dh, and they are going to try to use lunch visits to do it.

I don't want to be a pain in their side. SD is already in this school as a special out - of - zone placement, and she can be sent back to our zoned school if the school wants her to be. I don't want her to be sent back just because they don't want to deal with this.

Suggestions? SD is in middle school, btw.
Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 31, 2015 at 7:33 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Danesmommy1
by Grammar Enthusiast on Jan. 31, 2015 at 7:36 PM
I'd revisit the issue with the school because of the change of BM's status. You aren't pestering them, you're making them aware of changes.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 31, 2015 at 7:39 PM
I live in the same area as you, and I know you know about how awful the schools are, so you can imagine why I don't want her to lose the placement in the school she's in!

The school has not been sympathetic to us, and wanted to verify with the social worker that the paperwork we brought in was authentic before they would accept it regarding contact with bm.

Quoting Danesmommy1: I'd revisit the issue with the school because of the change of BM's status. You aren't pestering them, you're making them aware of changes.
disneymom2two
by Ruby Member on Jan. 31, 2015 at 7:39 PM

The school told you that because the bm had joint custody, they couldn't do anything.  Now that there isn't joint custody, simply bring them a copy of the order giving your dh full custody and the restraining order or whatever legal document you have prohibiting bm from contact and there shouldn't be a problem.  

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jan. 31, 2015 at 7:39 PM

Submit a copy of your visitation arrangement - whatever court papers are involved.

tossed
by Ruby Member on Jan. 31, 2015 at 7:41 PM

Do you have anything in writing from social services saying that bm can have zero contact with sd?  Most schools go by the court order.

Schools do not monitor the conversations of lunch visitors--especially at the middle school level. There are not many monitors and they are there to make sure kids don't wander off or get into fights. They don't try to listen in on conversations between adults and students.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 31, 2015 at 7:41 PM
There is no new custody paperwork. Just the paperwork from social services saying bm is to have no contact with sd. The custody papers will be changing, but not until the court date in may.

Quoting disneymom2two:

The school told you that because the bm had joint custody, they couldn't do anything.  Now that there isn't joint custody, simply bring them a copy of the order giving your dh full custody and the restraining order or whatever legal document you have prohibiting bm from contact and there shouldn't be a problem.  

Spare.Time
by Ruby Member on Jan. 31, 2015 at 7:43 PM
They need to be aware of all custody and visitation changes.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 31, 2015 at 7:44 PM
We have the paper from social services, and the school has a copy. All it says is bm is to have no contact. But the custody paperwork won't change until court in may. I'm not sure what the school will say about that?

Quoting tossed:

Do you have anything in writing from social services saying that bm can have zero contact with sd?  Most schools go by the court order.

Schools do not monitor the conversations of lunch visitors--especially at the middle school level. There are not many monitors and they are there to make sure kids don't wander off or get into fights. They don't try to listen in on conversations between adults and students.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 31, 2015 at 7:45 PM
They're aware of the no contact paperwork from social services. There is nothing else - no new court order.

Quoting Spare.Time: They need to be aware of all custody and visitation changes.
tossed
by Ruby Member on Jan. 31, 2015 at 7:47 PM

Here, the school would go by the court order, not the social services paper work. The court order has more weight and the schools don't want to get involved in the preliminaries. 

Quoting Anonymous 1: We have the paper from social services, and the school has a copy. All it says is bm is to have no contact. But the custody paperwork won't change until court in may. I'm not sure what the school will say about that?
Quoting tossed:

Do you have anything in writing from social services saying that bm can have zero contact with sd?  Most schools go by the court order.

Schools do not monitor the conversations of lunch visitors--especially at the middle school level. There are not many monitors and they are there to make sure kids don't wander off or get into fights. They don't try to listen in on conversations between adults and students.


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