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adoption issue (long please read)

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 45 Replies
Ok long story. Gonna try to shorten it. Got pregnant young. Ex boyfriend chose drugs over ds, hasn't seen him since he was 2 weeks old. Fast forward and I hey married. My now exdh is the only father ds has known. We had 2 dd's, but down the road I left. I felt I was doing it all on my own and got sick of all the fights. Never got anywhere. During the divorce, we discussed how he had wanted to legally adopt ds. He waited till last second, and decided no. Ds still goes to see him with dd's. What I hates, is nothing is done with the kids. They play video games, my oldest dd is cussing. My ex ignores them for his game. I don't know what to do. He still ignores them.

now we have been divorced a few years. And I'm engaged to a great guy. He's kinda taking my son under his wing. Fishing and basketball. Teaching him to shoot. Playing with rockets. Taking walks. Talking about school and girls lol. He's 8 so not much girl talk.

Couple days ago, he asked df if he'd go to daddy donut day with him, even though he is not his step dad yet.

Now we are going to have the talk this summer about biological family. Dad's. And all that. So yes ds will know soon the situation.

Ok now the question. Df has asked me several times if he can adopt ds. He loves him so much, and I feel more of the father figure he needs than my ex. Only reason ds still goes there, is causer he doesn't know the dad situation, and I worry sending the girls(wish I had a choice on that) and not him would hurt more than sending him. Do do I even humor the thought of df adopting him.
Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 4, 2015 at 1:35 AM
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Replies (1-10):
LizzieAnnesMom
by ☆Mrs.Winchester☆ on Feb. 4, 2015 at 1:43 AM
After you explain it to your son ask what HE wants
dblhlx
by Gold Member on Feb. 4, 2015 at 1:45 AM
You'll have to talk to your ex and see if he will surrender his parental rights. What you should do though is talk to your son and see how he feels about it.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 4, 2015 at 1:53 AM
My ex doesn't have rights. I simply send ds cause I worry keeping him away will hurt him more. There's no father in the bc. There was nothing legal with the ex husband. Just all he knows

Quoting dblhlx: You'll have to talk to your ex and see if he will surrender his parental rights. What you should do though is talk to your son and see how he feels about it.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 4, 2015 at 1:57 AM
Can an 8 Year old make that choice

Quoting LizzieAnnesMom: After you explain it to your son ask what HE wants
yo_ho
by Gold Member on Feb. 4, 2015 at 2:00 AM
Talk with your son first, then research if you need to notify the biological father. You may have to put an ad in the paper. He needs to know that your ex is not his bio dad though before you even begin to talk adoption. My kids have always known they were adopted, it's not a secret.
LauraBelle9812
by on Feb. 4, 2015 at 2:14 AM
Wow... I don't know... What I think I would do is... Tell your son. Leave it be for a while, and see what happens with your dd's father and him. If your son stops wanting to go around him you have your answer. As for the girls... Nothing you can do
LizzieAnnesMom
by ☆Mrs.Winchester☆ on Feb. 4, 2015 at 2:35 AM
I think he should at least be allowed to voice his opinion. What if he doesnt want him to?

Quoting Anonymous 1: Can an 8 Year old make that choice

Quoting LizzieAnnesMom: After you explain it to your son ask what HE wants
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Feb. 4, 2015 at 2:42 AM

I'm confused.  There's a bio father, an ex-stepfather, and a new soon-to-be stepfather?  Bio father has never been in the picture, and ex-stepfather wants to adopt?

ElvinCephalopod
by Gold Member on Feb. 4, 2015 at 2:47 AM

not quite - bio father was never in picture, like you said, but soon to be new step father wants to adopt - ex step father talked about adoption while married to mom, but never followed through

Quoting Anonymous 2:

I'm confused.  There's a bio father, an ex-stepfather, and a new soon-to-be stepfather?  Bio father has never been in the picture, and ex-stepfather wants to adopt?


Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Feb. 4, 2015 at 2:55 AM
How long has df been in y'all's lives/y'all been together? Honestly, I would not consider it at all until we were married. I was with a guy once who wanted to do the same and was wonderful and all but then when we started talking about marriage he flaked out. He was never in love with me, just my child. Please wait a while to get to know df and get married first, you never know how he can turn out after you get married (sorry more story)
My mom got married to the most perfect guy ever, he walked through anything for her, she had known him for years, and literally the day after their honeymoon he straight up told her now you're stuck with me bitch, were married, I don't have to put up with any of your shit anymore!
So once again, be careful. Sounds like you already had it rough.
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