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Am I being selfish?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 12 Replies
Usually my extended family, parents and siblings always together for birthdays and holidays like christmas, thanksgiving,etc and do a little party.

Ever since i had moved out of my parents (years ago) my family stopped getting news from me or even calling me for no reason at all. We have always been on good terms my whole life. I only would see them or talk to them at the famiy get togethers. Even after having my first born nobody was interested. Not even my grandparents. Nobody. Again, i still always attend family events and see them there.

The only actually family who keeps in touch with us is my parents. They have a great relationship with my dd and have been through every stressful/ hard moment in our lives.

Now our daughter is going to be two on Monday. I was thinking about maybe taking her to an indoor park we have near by with dh for the day and then during the night we would invite my parents to join us for dinner at a restaurant to celebrate her birthday. I just wanted to spend my dd birthday with the closest people she has in her life. I didnt really feel like doing a birthday party and inviting all the extended family who never care to get news from us.

So my mom calls me this morning saying everybody keeps asking her if there will be a birthday party for dd and asks what im planning on doing. Like usual they will call my mom instead of me becausr they never call me or talk to me. My mom offered to throw a party for dd at her house but i refused and told her my original plan tellingg her i just wanted it to by the closest family members and told her i didnt want to celebrate with people i never talk to and arent in dd life. She acted like i was being selfish and keeps convincing me... I said i would just think abiut it but i seriously am still against it. I dont want to. Am i being selfish? What would you do?
Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 18, 2015 at 1:16 PM
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Replies (1-10):
peanutsmommy1
by Ruby Member on Feb. 18, 2015 at 1:18 PM

I don't make time in my life for people who don't make time for me

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 18, 2015 at 1:21 PM
I feel like they just want to come to take advantage of the party to be able to see other family members that they usually talk to and not actually us.

Quoting peanutsmommy1:

I don't make time in my life for people who don't make time for me

KristenFowles
by Ruby Member on Feb. 18, 2015 at 1:23 PM
I would do just as you were planning.
SylviaPerez
by Bronze Member on Feb. 18, 2015 at 1:24 PM

it's a bday celebration for your daughter not for them.  Tell them to find another excuse or reason to have a gathering but not to use your dd bday as an excuse.

continue w/ your plans and FYI no you are not been selfish.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Feb. 18, 2015 at 1:24 PM
Then stick with your plan.

Quoting Anonymous 1: I feel like they just want to come to take advantage of the party to be able to see other family members that they usually talk to and not actually us.

Quoting peanutsmommy1:

I don't make time in my life for people who don't make time for me

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Feb. 18, 2015 at 1:25 PM
1 mom liked this
Do you ever reach out to them? Communication is a 2 way street. I see family gathering such as birthday parties as a way to catch up in between times of low communication. In the end, it's your party your choice.
JC2223
by Platinum Member on Feb. 18, 2015 at 1:26 PM

I've stopped arranging my life, opening my home and attending other family occasions for people that don't give me the time of day. I give consideration to those that consider me. Time is precious and life is too short to waste it on people that don't make time for you!

My Dad raised me to always "do the right thing", Then I realized I was always doing the "right thing" for others and getting nothing in return. Do what you feel is right for you. You're going to piss off some people, but who cares! 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 18, 2015 at 1:26 PM
Thats exactly how i feel, that they are using my dd birthday as an excuse to get together to be able to see other family members they actually keep in touch with and talk to regularly.

Quoting SylviaPerez:

it's a bday celebration for your daughter not for them.  Tell them to find another excuse or reason to have a gathering but not to use your dd bday as an excuse.

continue w/ your plans and FYI no you are not been selfish.

msalice_21
by on Feb. 18, 2015 at 1:28 PM
I would do it As a seperate party. I dont keep in touch with my family outside of holidays. it's just the way we are. we are private people I guess.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 18, 2015 at 1:36 PM
Thats kind of how it seems to be towards me. We (my family) and I only talk or see eAchother at family events but the thing that upsets me is that they are only like that with me. They all keep in touch and see eachother often. So its like they are private people. Its only that way towards me. I have never done anything to them. Ive tried having a relationship and calling them but after feeling like im annoying them i stopped and never receive calls either. They also never invite me to family events if my parents dont go. Its like my parents need to be attending

Quoting msalice_21: I would do it As a seperate party. I dont keep in touch with my family outside of holidays. it's just the way we are. we are private people I guess.
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