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Thoughts about CS when BM marries? Should women choose "dad" over dollars?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 5 Replies

And this is only in specific cases...I'm not talking about the guys who have a role in their child's life, but just don't feel like paying anymore...

For instance, if there is a totally unplanned, accidental pregnancy - she lied, or he was stupid, or they were drunk, or whatever ... conception that happens between basic strangers that results in a pregnancy, the woman obviously has options from Plan B, to an abortion, to adoption.  No one can obligate her to be parent - yadda yadda.  But we all know that the man has no say and must legal support the child if the woman makes the choice to keep the child. 

So, say the woman keeps the child and the man is ordered to pay child support, but does not ever become involved in the child's life.  Does not ever meet the child or have any interaction with the mother.   

When the child is young, the mother gets married to someone and that someone essentially becomes the child's "dad" - the child calls him dad, etc.   The mother knows without a doubt that if her husband wanted to adopt the child, the BF would have no problem signing the paperwork, BUT , by doing that, the CS would stop and that's really been like free money for years.  And they aren't destitute or anything - they'd be fine without it - they'd just have less 'play' money (which is what they use it for now - no college fund or anything)

Do you think that the child will be upset that on top of his biological father not ever being involved,  that the only reason that his "dad" wouldn't adopt him is because that would mean losing the child support?  They can't do anything about the birth father not wanting to be there, but can't they make it better by having the man who is raising the kid - who refers to the child has 'his son' - adopt him and be his actual, legal father even if it means losing your 'blow money'?

I have a 'friend' - well, someone I'm growing less and less fond of - who spends the $1000 in CS that she gets from the BF on stupid stuff - goes to the bars every weekend, goes to Vegas and gambles and gets tattoos (her and her DH).   She brags about having  an extra 12k a year to play with.  She and her husband have been together since her son was in diapers and tells people that her DH is the kid's dad even though the kid has a different last name.  I kind of asked her if she was planning on having her DH adopt the kid - give him DH's last name and she laughed and said, "f no.  I'm not giving up CS."  The kid is like 8 now and actually has some special needs based on behavior issues with anxiety - I'm thinking that it isn't much longer before he will realize the concept that his stepdad is refusing to be his 'real' dad for the money aspect. Plus, if something were to happen to her (and she's already had some health scares), the only 'father' the kid ever knew will become someone who has no say in his life.  I know if I was in her shoes, I'd have my DH adopt.  


Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 18, 2015 at 4:32 PM
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Replies (1-5):
Aslen
by Ruby Member on Feb. 18, 2015 at 4:35 PM
Here in GA, spouse's income doesn't come into question. It's only the income of the parents
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Feb. 18, 2015 at 4:36 PM
I'd say it's none of my business. Also, in some cases bio dad can still be ordered to pay support after his rights have been terminated.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Feb. 18, 2015 at 4:51 PM
I say that the woman is a selfish cunt and that her child CS needs to go into ssome king of trust fund or protected account to make sure SHE cant use the money for herself and that money only goes to be used for the childs benifit. If it goes towards bills then it should go directly to the company. ect. But I am going to get bashed since she woman should be allowed to do whatever the hell she chooses with money thats for her child.
ame85
by Chemistry cat on May. 4, 2015 at 10:56 PM
Children have a right to be supported by their parents, but they should not be treated like a paycheck.

Not every BM does this, but it happens. I know someone similar, OP, and she isn't someone I'd associate with.
motherofzandz
by Gold Member on May. 4, 2015 at 10:59 PM
I think a man should get the right to sign away rights early in the pregnancy. If a women can have all those options a man should have some too. A women can poke holes in a condom or whatever she wants and get pregnant but the man has no choices at all. I think its silly. A man can't make a women keep a baby if he wants it but he has to pay the rest of his life if she decides to keep it. I know this isn't a popular opinion.
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