Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

My confession that no one knows

Posted by on Feb. 18, 2015 at 6:25 PM
  • 12 Replies

i hate the fact that my son looks like my older brother and acts like him to. My son is a little delayed as far as school goes. My brother molested me when i was about 1st grade to about 4th grade.  He was He is about 4 years older then me. I was never raised with my brother. He lived with my grandma and i lived with my mom but i we lived close so we saw each other all the time. I cant stand him. He is dirty. HIs hygiene was always really bad. and i see alot of his behavior in my son. I show my son how to care for himself but i have to make him change his clothes. It seems he is grounded alot just cause of his attitude. I could ask him just to take a shower and he will yell about it. He is sloppy when he eats. he bites his fingernails and it drives me crazy. My brother would wear the same clothes for a week, didnt like brusing his teeth or showeing. I love my son and dont treat him any differently but i cant help but be disgusted sometimes. And i show him how to eat without being sloppy but he still eats and gets food all over his face lol. and i know my son is 7 so i am really patient and dont tell him how i feel or what im thinking but i just see my brother when i look at him. and his fingernails or nasty. 

by on Feb. 18, 2015 at 6:25 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
desiivy
by Gold Member on Feb. 18, 2015 at 6:34 PM
Stop looking for the things that remind you of the other. Look for the things that are different.
mes_deux_amours
by Ruby Member on Feb. 18, 2015 at 6:39 PM
I've been told (warned lol) that boys in general are very lazy about hygiene at some point. My 7 yo can be quite lazy as well. Don't look for what's reminding you of your brother. Your son is his own person.
shorty00207450
by on Feb. 18, 2015 at 6:44 PM

ya i know and i dont treat him bad. i treat him like my baby cause he is my only son until i have this one that im pregnant with. but physically he looks alot like my brother and then his behaviors. and i know boys can be lazier

Quoting mes_deux_amours: I've been told (warned lol) that boys in general are very lazy about hygiene at some point. My 7 yo can be quite lazy as well. Don't look for what's reminding you of your brother. Your son is his own person.


mes_deux_amours
by Ruby Member on Feb. 18, 2015 at 6:49 PM
Is he your brothers child?

Have you sought treatment for your abuse?

There will be family resemblance, of course, but even if you deny it, there's a budding resentment since he's reminding you of a horrific time in your life. It's good you see it, just be sure to nip it.


Quoting shorty00207450:

ya i know and i dont treat him bad. i treat him like my baby cause he is my only son until i have this one that im pregnant with. but physically he looks alot like my brother and then his behaviors. and i know boys can be lazier

Quoting mes_deux_amours: I've been told (warned lol) that boys in general are very lazy about hygiene at some point. My 7 yo can be quite lazy as well. Don't look for what's reminding you of your brother. Your son is his own person.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Feb. 18, 2015 at 6:52 PM
Boys tend to not like to bathe. Or say they have done it and you can see their hair is dry.

I think it's sad you see your abuser in your son and your post does read as biased. I'd work on that.
ShannaBee
by Platinum Member on Feb. 18, 2015 at 6:52 PM
I'm sorry.
My younger sister looks like our father and his side of the family and I have a lot of resentment for the abuse and how we were treated. When I was younger, I took a lot of it out on my sister because she looks like him.
BrittN30
by Silver Member on Feb. 18, 2015 at 6:57 PM

I have two boys on the spectrum and they can behave similarly. They don't like showering or brushing their teeth because they don't like the feeling of those activities. Has your child been checked for any neurological disorders? Many neuro disorders are genetically based therefore, your brother could have something wrong with him neurologically speaking as well.

busy_mama27
by on Feb. 18, 2015 at 7:33 PM

How do you confess anything without it being colored with that topic?   There is no way to confess her feelings on this subject without sounding biased.  The entire point of the post is the comparison she sees and her feelings about it.  She can't exactly confess this but make it equally represented, clearly people are missing the point of the confession.  She made it a point to say she doesn't treat him differently, we need to take that at face value.  I sincerely doubt she wants to feel any comparison between the two.

OP - I am so sorry.... what a horrible thing to deal with.  Know that your feelings are not about your son and do the best you can to make piece with that.  One of the other posters were on to something though..... maye everytime you feel yourself be bothered by a reminder (i.e. your son's messy eating) remind yourself that hes a messy boy and then purposely make a comparison in your head about how he is DIFFERENT than your brother.  This is a good mental challenge that can help your thoughts divert on their own over time, providing you some relief.  Each time you make a comparison, stop and state a distinction.

Hang in there.

shorty00207450
by on Feb. 18, 2015 at 8:36 PM

no thank god he isnt the father.  and no i have never spoken of it to anyone. My mom knows and my bio dad knew. 

Quoting mes_deux_amours: Is he your brothers child? Have you sought treatment for your abuse? There will be family resemblance, of course, but even if you deny it, there's a budding resentment since he's reminding you of a horrific time in your life. It's good you see it, just be sure to nip it.
Quoting shorty00207450:

ya i know and i dont treat him bad. i treat him like my baby cause he is my only son until i have this one that im pregnant with. but physically he looks alot like my brother and then his behaviors. and i know boys can be lazier

Quoting mes_deux_amours: I've been told (warned lol) that boys in general are very lazy about hygiene at some point. My 7 yo can be quite lazy as well. Don't look for what's reminding you of your brother. Your son is his own person.



Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Feb. 18, 2015 at 8:40 PM
He's your son.. You are supposed to love him no matter what hun..
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)