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I don't think them being Filipino should mean I have to get used to being treated badly

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 17 Replies
My dh is Filipino though he is very Americanized. His parents are, as he calls them, "hard core Filipino". Until 6 months ago, I only met them a few times; they were here a month while me and dh were dating, a month for the wedding and they were here for about about month 2 years ago. They have been living in the Philippines since about a year before we met.

But 3 months ago, they moved to the US and are driving me crazy. 1. I had my son's birthday party last week and they showed up with 6 extra people who neither me nor dh know. They decided to invite them to our home without even asking! 2. They are constantly dropping by unexpected and will stay for hours 3. They spend the entire time speaking Tagalog in front of me (dh answers in English and tries to include me). Basically, they treat me like I am just there to cook and clean up after them but not worthy of being part of the conversation. 4. They are angry because we named the baby I am pregnant with without consulting them. We have 2 other kids and I guess they didn't care about their names but I think it's because they were living so far away 5. They are angry that my mil won't be in the delivery room when I have the baby, she seemed to think it went without saying that she would be. 6. We don't want their opinions on our finances. They wanted to look over everything; our income, bank accounts and bills to "make sure" we are doing everything right. We are doing fine financially and have never asked for their help so I don't think it's their business.

My dh has talked to them about these things and now they are mad at him because in their opinion, he should tell me to just deal with all of this because all these things are considered normal in their culture. He told them that I'm his wife and he doesn't think these expectations are fair to me and that they need to respect that. They are not speaking to him now. I feel badly that his parents put him in this position but I am so thankful that my dh is respectful and supportive of me.
Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 18, 2015 at 9:47 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 18, 2015 at 9:48 PM
Bump
csxt99
by Jennifer on Feb. 18, 2015 at 9:51 PM

They would be extricated from my life and the lives of my children- permanently.

Your husband is standing up for you and your family. That's a good thing.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 18, 2015 at 9:53 PM
1 mom liked this
I know, I love him for that


Quoting csxt99:

They would be extricated from my life and the lives of my children- permanently.

Your husband is standing up for you and your family. That's a good thing.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Feb. 18, 2015 at 9:55 PM
It sounds like they are just so accustomed to their culture. This is your life, not theirs. They need to respect that. Good for your husband to back you. That's the right thing to do. Unfortunately his parents are upset about it. But maybe having them here in the US they will learn and see how our culture is different. maybe this will help his parents see through your eyes and ease up on being in your business.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 18, 2015 at 9:58 PM
Hopefully but I doubt it. They lived in the US for nearly 15 while dh was growing up so they are familiar with American culture

Quoting Anonymous 2: It sounds like they are just so accustomed to their culture. This is your life, not theirs. They need to respect that. Good for your husband to back you. That's the right thing to do. Unfortunately his parents are upset about it. But maybe having them here in the US they will learn and see how our culture is different. maybe this will help his parents see through your eyes and ease up on being in your business.


DensHag
by Ruby Member on Feb. 18, 2015 at 9:59 PM
3 moms liked this
It bugs the shit out of me when people move to the U.S. And then pull this kind of shit towards others and say "oh but its our culture". Why the hell move here if you want to hold onto your cultural traditions? Fine holding onto them for yourself but DO NOT impose them on others! I'm glad your DH is standing up to them.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 19, 2015 at 1:59 PM
2 moms liked this
I agree. I have no issue with people comming here and wanting to continue with their culture, great do that. but it's not fair to expect others to go along with it just because it's your culture.

Quoting DensHag: It bugs the shit out of me when people move to the U.S. And then pull this kind of shit towards others and say "oh but its our culture". Why the hell move here if you want to hold onto your cultural traditions? Fine holding onto them for yourself but DO NOT impose them on others! I'm glad your DH is standing up to them.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Feb. 20, 2015 at 2:52 PM

How was it that they were able to move here? Did your DH help them do that? Just curious.

My cousin is engaged to a filipina and her family is HUGE. She currently lives there and will be moving here to the states. I will say that her ex dh was very wealthy and he helped her family financially and even built them a home over there! However, my cousin is probably going to have the same financial demands placed on him but he is looking at his relationship with rose-colored glasses on.

I'm happy your DH is standing up for you. 

His family sounds VERY demanding and stressful. Good luck I hope things get better!

blue.butterfly
by on Feb. 20, 2015 at 2:55 PM

Thank God my in laws from India do not live here! Just too many cultural differences. Visiting is fine, but living in the same city? Yikes. 

I feel for you, girl. I really do. 

Theresa1209
by Gold Member on Feb. 20, 2015 at 2:57 PM

 oy vey.  I don't have much experience with other cultures, but I think that's typical in some.  I don't have any advice but I hope it improves! 

Also, I just don't understand why if its the Phillipines, why is it Filipino??

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