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Damned if you do...damned if you don't.

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 10 Replies

Seems like stepmoms are damned any way they go.

If you adore your step kids like your own....damned...you are trying to take their mom's place..

If you don't adore them as much as your own...damned...you must hate them...never should have married their father.

If you are close to them..again trying to take mom's place.

If you aren't close to them...must hate them.

 

Anyone else noticed this?

BTW.  I think my stepkids have a great mom.  We may not always see eye to eye on raising kids...but when it comes to important stuff we work it out.  We all work well together.  AND...I absolutely love my step kids to bits.  They are amazing kids.

Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 23, 2015 at 8:22 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Feb. 23, 2015 at 8:25 AM

oh that's just the hypocrites of cafemom who treat sm's like that.

Danesmommy1
by Grammar Enthusiast on Feb. 23, 2015 at 8:25 AM
Yes, I seems like a no win situation. I'm so glad I don't have to deal with blended family bullshit.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Feb. 23, 2015 at 8:26 AM
Maybe that's just your situation. I don't notice that, except a few situations where SM goes to extremes- too loving/overstepping or just plain mean to the kids. But those aren't common.

Most people find a good balance.
thetrollcat
by on Feb. 23, 2015 at 8:28 AM

I think this idea of stereotyping what step mothers should do is faulty. The fact that it all depends on the age of the kid, the situation of the parents, the issues the kid might have and so forth.

I think too often the step mothers spend too much time making enemies with the bm, this is where things REALLY GO WRONG. I get it, she is a loser, a bitch, lazy cunt. But come on they all cannot be fucking lazy bitches and blah blah blah. We go plenty of divorced moms in this place and Im pretty sure not all of them are terrible mothers.

While the idea of step parenting is a form of relationship, it really depends on the effort made on both ends, mother and step mother and the communication between them. If you by chance have a BM that absolutely hates you, then hey, take a step back, dont over step your boundaries.

If you got one that has a lot of issues, be GENTLE dont start adding into the insults!

Got one that is very devoted to her kids? Try to relate, be fair, dont over step your boundaries.

These things take time to adjust to not only the parents but kids as well.

I see too often the SM either doesnt try or over trying. Relax meow.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Feb. 23, 2015 at 8:31 AM
That's exactly what i was saying in that other post! I just don't get it.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Feb. 23, 2015 at 8:32 AM

My ex isn't married but he is dating someone. When I asked him about her, I made sure he made it clear to her that he and I have to communicate regarding DD, and that I am not a threat to their relationship. He told me that she understood that, and when he said that, I was totally fine. 

I don't have an issue with anyone coming into DD's life via her dad because DD knows I'm her mom. There's absolutely nothing wrong with her receiving extra love! And if she doesn't like DD, I'd hope that she communicates with DD's dad about it so that he could let me know what we need to work on if need be. 

that_mom_mary
by on Feb. 23, 2015 at 8:36 AM
I never got along with my stepmom or step dad. With my stepmother I can be pleasant but I personally can't stand being in the same room as her. Not because she's my stepmother, that's just her personality, nobody likes her, even her own children. My stepfather I used to tolerate him. Now I completely loathe him for almost killing my mother and now at 54 years old, she is in a nursing home for the rest of her life. He's a scum.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 6 on Feb. 23, 2015 at 8:38 AM
My step kids have a decent mom and a decent Dad. They need nothing from me other than to be kind to them, occasionally feed them or babysit them and play with them. I love them but no not like I do my own because their not mine. Just as I love my nieces and nephews.
StarLight23
by Platinum Member on Feb. 23, 2015 at 8:43 AM

I basically know almost nothing about my step mom. We met exactly once. Haven't seen her since. She visited us with my dad saying they would get married. My mom also remarried. My step-dad is pretty cool.

He's much easier than my dad ever was to talk to. 

JoyNLove
by Bronze Member on Feb. 23, 2015 at 8:45 AM
Nope. Not a part of my life. I do support good step parents though.
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