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I've gotten a lot of backlash before but I think being beautiful can make your life harder

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 56 Replies
I really don't consider myself beautiful and my guess is the ones on cafemom constantly seeking validation don't either. BUT the rest of the world treats us as if we are which can be hurtful and confusing.... I'll explain...

I'm a single divorced mother. I never considered myself pretty because I was in an emotionally abusive relationship where my husband would build me up then put me down. When I started online dating and going out with friends I have been treated like I'm this beautiful total package unobtainable woman. The problem is women will not often want to stay my friend because their husband or boyfriend will hit on me. I have some great girlfriends but it's only because their boyfriends act appropriate around me. Some do not and therefore act cold around me. Despite my never reciprocating their husbands advances. Men I actually like are either afraid to hit on me or will get scared in a relationship with me because they think I'm too perfect and will hurt and leave them. So they leave me first. I've been straight up told this.

Guys I've liked before refused to pursue me because of fear of rejection even after I give them my number and told me to my face that's why. I'm often seen as a conquest. Like it's ok to have sex with me but loving me is too damn scary for them. I'm not making this shit up as I've been told multiple times.

The only guys who aren't afraid of me are super cocky. I really can't stand that shit. I've asked for a male perspective and they've told me I need to downplay my good qualities and be more of the pursuer because that's the only way guys won't be scared of me. Wtf. I just want a normal nice guy to have a relationship with. Furthermore im not a perfect princess. I've got flaws like anyone else. I know yall think its a load of crap but I swear this is a real fucking problem.
Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 23, 2015 at 9:26 AM
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Replies (1-10):
dragonborn
by Wonderstruck on Feb. 23, 2015 at 9:31 AM
1 mom liked this
Really want to know what you look like.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Feb. 23, 2015 at 9:33 AM

You sound exactly like one of my best friends, except she has never been married and doesn't have any children. She is kind of mean to a lot of guys though, so I think that scares them even more than her looks.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Feb. 23, 2015 at 9:34 AM

It is a load of crap you are just meeting the wrong preople and surrounding yourself with the wrong people.  

cheekacheeka
by Emerald Member on Feb. 23, 2015 at 9:35 AM
2 moms liked this

Danesmommy1
by Grammar Enthusiast on Feb. 23, 2015 at 9:35 AM
1 mom liked this
You need to meet a better bunch of people.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Feb. 23, 2015 at 9:36 AM
1 mom liked this
Try meeting men in different situations. Join clubs. Go on outings. Do you wear a lot of makeup? Tone it down and see if reactions to you change. Turn down guys for a while and focus on happiness alone.
notjstasocermom
by Sapphire Member on Feb. 23, 2015 at 9:36 AM


Quoting Danesmommy1: You need to meet a better bunch of people.
jsquared8
by Silver Member on Feb. 23, 2015 at 9:37 AM
3 moms liked this
And the other side of this is being constantly told you're ugly and not good enough for anyone which leads to severe depression and wanting to die. That's what I went through for many years and still struggle with it in my 30s. Both sides I assume come with difficulties and this is why women NEED to be more encouraging of ALL TYPES And less judgmental because society is an asshole to both sides, ugly or beautiful.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 23, 2015 at 9:37 AM
The last guy I dated was an average looking stand up great guy. He was not a douchebag by any means. We broke up because he was too scared and I quote. Because I'm "perfect in every way"

Quoting Anonymous 3:

It is a load of crap you are just meeting the wrong preople and surrounding yourself with the wrong people.  

AngelSinger
by MS Warrior on Feb. 23, 2015 at 9:37 AM
You are involving yourself with the wrong people. I would also suggest therapy, and find out if all this you-are-too-perfect is just a nice way to say "it's not you, it's me."
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