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How did you prepare yourself for shared custody?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 39 Replies

I preparing to serve my DH with divorce and custody papers.  DD is 16 months old, breastfed, and cosleeps.  I have never been away from her overnight or for any period longer than 4 hours outside of working. 

DH was physically (though undocumented) and emotionally abuse to me throughout my entire pregnancy.  Since I had DD he has continued the emotional abuse and just makes me feel like shit.  I work full time and make okay money so I'm not worried about making it on my own.  My biggest concern is DD.  How do I handle being away from her?  It will absolutely break my heart and it is the only reason I have stayed through this hell.  I know he will fight for 50/50 custody though he can't handle it and they would both be miserable.  I don't want child support.  I just want him to move out of my house and leave us alone.  I know her dad needs to be in her life and all but I just can't handle her spending large amounts of time away from me. 

Any advice would be great.  I'm pretty depressed and just so scared right now. 

Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 23, 2015 at 9:30 AM
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Replies (1-10):
donnag013
by Platinum Member on Feb. 23, 2015 at 9:40 AM

You have to jsut deal with it. You can't really have it both ways, with him in her life AND not being away from her. Right now, 50/50 won't work because she's breastfeeding. But a judge might order it once she turns about 3. It's just one of the sucky things that happen when you have an emotionally abusive man. Maybe you can offer him EOWE in exchange for no child support

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 23, 2015 at 9:52 AM

 I'm going to try offering EOWE but he's a shitty person and I don't think he'll take it.  I've heard they often don't allow overnights in my state before 2.  I really hope that I get a reasonable judge and that's the case. 

Quoting donnag013:

You have to jsut deal with it. You can't really have it both ways, with him in her life AND not being away from her. Right now, 50/50 won't work because she's breastfeeding. But a judge might order it once she turns about 3. It's just one of the sucky things that happen when you have an emotionally abusive man. Maybe you can offer him EOWE in exchange for no child support

 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Feb. 23, 2015 at 9:56 AM

It never gets easier. Since you don't care about child support use that as a bargaining tool to keep a larger portion of custody. I've never been through anything as difficult as having to give up my kid almost every weekend and 1/2 holidays. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 23, 2015 at 10:04 AM

 That's why I've continued to let him treat me shitty.  Because atleast I can still have my daughter there all the time.  But she's going to grow up watching the way he treats me and think it's acceptable.  She's 16 months old and she's already picking up after her daddy.  Putting his socks in the laundry and taking his dishes to the sink.  I hate it!  I don't want her to grow up thinking she is supposed to be a slave for a man. 

Quoting Anonymous 2:

It never gets easier. Since you don't care about child support use that as a bargaining tool to keep a larger portion of custody. I've never been through anything as difficult as having to give up my kid almost every weekend and 1/2 holidays. 

 

ramita
by Gold Member on Feb. 23, 2015 at 10:08 AM
Maybe your lawyer could offer him EOWE with the understanding you won't file for child support if he agrees. I don't know what else you could try to limit his time because even that may backfire. With her going to visits I'm not sure what you could do other than talk to a therapist or counselor about it and how to make it easier for your child.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Feb. 23, 2015 at 10:09 AM
I prepared by leaving the state and filing for divorce in the new state. Granted not everyone can get away with that but thank God I did. He was also abusive and has had very minimum contact with my child because of the distance. Otherwise I don't know how I would have dealt with things.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Feb. 23, 2015 at 10:10 AM
Would never happen.

I would never have children with someone worthy of divorce.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 23, 2015 at 10:30 AM

 That isn't really something I want to consider.  I own 2 houses in this state, have a good job, and have family here. 

Quoting Anonymous 3: I prepared by leaving the state and filing for divorce in the new state. Granted not everyone can get away with that but thank God I did. He was also abusive and has had very minimum contact with my child because of the distance. Otherwise I don't know how I would have dealt with things.

 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 23, 2015 at 10:30 AM
2 moms liked this

 Must be nice to be that perfect.

Quoting Anonymous 4: Would never happen. I would never have children with someone worthy of divorce.

 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Feb. 23, 2015 at 10:32 AM
Not making a baby with an abusive loser doesn't make someone perfect. It just means they aren't completely stupid.

Quoting Anonymous 1:

 Must be nice to be that perfect.


Quoting Anonymous 4: Would never happen. I would never have children with someone worthy of divorce.

 

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