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Engaged and Starting to HATE it!

Posted by on Feb. 23, 2015 at 3:14 PM
  • 58 Replies

Hey Moms!

So I just need to vent about a few things that have been bothering me over the weekend. I don't know if I am being ridiculous or ungrateful or just lazy, but here is what is going on.

On Valentine's Day, my boyfriend of 4 years (9 years of friendship) proposed to me at a big gathering with both of our families there. It was beautiful and probably one of the best days of my life. The entire day and proposal was like a fairytale and something that I have always dreamed. I love him and have never been happier.

On Saturday (02/21/2015), we went to his sister's husbands "Welcome Home" party. His entire family bombarded me with questions about the wedding, dates, dresses, and wedding party. I have been so busy enjoying being engaged, that I haven't even thought about wedding planning. When I told them this, his sister understood, but his mom and grandma looked at me like I had 8 titties.

His grandmother, whom I love, was upset. She said that she was hoping to see us walk down the aisle before she was "called home to glory". His mom said that "women are so pressed for a ring, but have no idea what to do after they get it". I'm thinking "hold on lady; we have only been engaged for one week! It's not like I knew he was going to propose and had wedding plans set and ready." It was a complete surprise and I didn't know that I would need to rush down the aisle!

So after the party, my new fiancé and I were talking and joking around and then he started. His questions were more like: "Where are we going to live? Should we move into my place? Do you want to move out of your place? Should we just start looking for a house? What about now? Do you want to live together now?"

It was just too much going on from the party, to our conversation in the car. I felt like everyone was moving way too fast. This is my first time ever being engaged. I want to enjoy it, but everyone acts like you are just supposed to immediately start planning a wedding. Damn, can I finish up this master's degree first? There are also little bills of my own that I want to take of rather than bringing my petty debt into a marriage. I just want to be happy and they have me feeling overwhelmed.

How long after you got engaged, did you start planning your nuptials? What changed? Did you move in together or search for a new home together? Did you wait until after you were married to live together? How was it orchestrated? 

by on Feb. 23, 2015 at 3:14 PM
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by Anonymous 1 on Feb. 23, 2015 at 3:41 PM
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We moved in together before we got married. And was engaged from July 2 2013, to November 2 2013.

If you are in no hurry to get married and just want to be engage then wait. Who Cares what his family members think.

My friend that I use to hang out with asked me if I was moving to fast to get married I had to tell her I want to be married I honestly don't want to wait. I know dh and I loved each other.
by Anonymous 2 on Feb. 23, 2015 at 3:48 PM
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Oh wow, I started getting overwhelmed for you just reading that! Lol

I think you have a good head on your shoulders. Getting your degree, paying off your debts, those are all very wise choices to make in your life. If you would feel more comfortable postponing the wedding until you can have all that accomplished, be straightforward with your fiancé and tell him! No need to feel ashamed for it. I would be proud of you if you were my daughter. His family seems a little....intense. Marriage is a huge commitment and shouldn't be rushed through. Just move through it at your own pace, but make sure you and DF are on the same page.
by Platinum Member on Feb. 23, 2015 at 3:48 PM

We moved in together pretty much right away after we got engaged. We close to living together anyway, we rarely spent a night apart. We moved into my place. It was a house and I owned it. We moved into a different house about 3 years later, and have been here ever since.

We started looking at dates and availability of possible venues fairly quickly too. DH has 3 sisters, 2 BIL and 5 nieces and nephews, all of whom lived overseas. The sooner we picked a date, the sooner they could plan to come for our wedding. We got engaged at the beginning of Sept. 1993, and married the end of July 1994.

by Bronze Member on Feb. 23, 2015 at 3:54 PM

Well we were living together well before we got engaged. We've been engaged for a year and (almost) a half. I started wedding plans a month after we got engaged but we also had been living together so long it wasn't a big leap for me. We're waiting for the weather to warm up now because we want an outdoor wedding now.

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by Ruby Member on Feb. 23, 2015 at 3:56 PM
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I kind of thought the point of getting engaged was to plan a wedding and get married?
by Silver Member on Feb. 23, 2015 at 3:58 PM
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I completely understand! I would probably be overwhelmed too! When I got engaged we were already living with each other lol. I was so excited though, I started planning right away. We got married 10 month after.  

But I love the guilt trip granny tried to give lol "called home to glory" lol. She's not going anywhere #stopit

by Gold Member on Feb. 23, 2015 at 3:58 PM
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He proposed in September 2006. We decided to get married at a courthouse and go on a cruise. In September, 2008, we booked a cruise for October 5th, 2008 and let our family know that we would be getting married on the 3rd at the court. My mom FLIPPED! After days of arguing, we decided on a small wedding. There were 2 weeks left until October 3rd. We planned, sent out invitations, booked the venue and catering and all the extras. It was stressful. I didn't enjoy my wedding day because I was still throwing crap together for the tables. I ended up walking down the aisle with my hair still damp from my last-minute shower (seriously) and spent most of the reception vomiting in the bathroom because I had a migraine.

The reason I am telling you this is because I let my family completely destroy that day for me. Please don't let anyone push or stress you with this.
by Gold Member on Feb. 23, 2015 at 3:59 PM
congratulations! We had a date before the engagement actually. We had bought a house 6 months before getting engaged but had lots of talks while dating. We knew we were going that direction. Tell them you are researching but are thinking of getting married (season, year). That'll help a little. His questions are legitimate and if you don't like that you'll need to reevaluate. Maybe tell him you need time to think but want to talk about it (pick a date) weekend.
by Member on Feb. 23, 2015 at 4:00 PM

Yeah it is...but am I supposed to start this at the very second that we got engaged? It has only been a little more than a week. Am I not supposed to enjoy this stage?

Quoting B1Bomber: I kind of thought the point of getting engaged was to plan a wedding and get married?

by Ruby Member on Feb. 23, 2015 at 4:01 PM
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Elope- you will feel better.. lol

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