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Is THIS considered sexual assualt?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 11 Replies

(In the other post - OP said that the boy twinging the girl's bra strap was NOT sexual assualt/harrassment and that the girl just needed to "deal" with it. She said "it's not like it's real assualt, i.e rape". So does that mean only rape is considered sexual assualt?)

My daughter was 15 when she was sexually assualted by a boy in school. DD has several special needs, including cerebral palsy and Aspergers syndrome. She was sitting on top of her desk (as was EVERY other student in the class, as per several witnesses) when a boy came up to her, said hello and shoved his head in her chest, moving his head around within her breasts before she slapped him across the face and kneed him in the balls. DD's teacher reported DD for slapping him -and told her that he was refusing to report this boy's actions because DD's reaction cancelled out his assualt on her. He told her she was lucky the school wasn't suspending her. DD went straight to the assistant principal and reported the situation - to which the woman said that the boy was just being a boy - like a playful puppy dog - and that she just had to ignore him. She also reinterated that DD was the 'bad" one for hitting him -and that he didn't deserve that. DD came home and thank goodness decided to tell me. I rung the school immediately and was told that that wasn't the whole story and that DD slapped/kicked him and did I know that? No I didn't, in the 30 seconds it took her to spill it out (that he assualted her, she told and was told "he's just a boy - a playful puppy dog - ignore it") and then start crying and becoming impossible to communicate with. The woman then "explained" to me that if my daughter couldn't tell me the "real" story then how did I know that the assualt had actually happened and that DD had never come to her at all. Now I know my daughter - she cannot lie to save her life like most Aspergians. She also tattles on people when she knows they're lying. I threatened to go to the school board and the police and the woman told me that nobody would believe me/DD and if I DID go to the board, the school would launch an investigation on me with CPS for suspected abuse -they believed DD "made up" the assualt to cover for someone (me) abusing her.

So - is this considered sexual abuse? I bring it up - almost 10 years later - because my daughter (who is now almost 25) emailed me today to say that it is still in the back of her mind (yes she's in counselling) and that since that incident she feels that she has no 'right' to say no to any form of unwanted contact for fear of getting in trouble. Ugh - I hate living so far away from her! I want to fly to her, pack up her stuff and bring her home with me. *deep breath* any advice mamas?

Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 27, 2015 at 6:07 AM
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Replies (1-10):
starrglitter
by Member on Feb. 27, 2015 at 6:13 AM

I think any kind of unwanted physical contact would be considered sexual assault. I know that if some man walked up to me (I'm old now) and "motor boated" me, I would smack him across the face and feel very violated!!! 

I'm sorry the school was so awful to work with! That's heartbreaking that your daughter was victimized and then blamed for it!

Not to mention, just because someone has a penis does not excuse them from being a decent respectful human being!!!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Feb. 27, 2015 at 6:20 AM
Yes it is sexual assault and I find it hard to believe the school said otherwise.

Hopefully you followed through with your threat to the school bc if not you helped your DD learn she doesn't have a voice to say no, you didn't teach her to stand up for herself if you didn't fight for her.
malibucj
by Platinum Member on Feb. 27, 2015 at 6:25 AM

Yes it was sexual assault, just as the bra pulling was.  It makes me sick that so many people think it's okay for a male to do this just because the female slapped him or pushed him away. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 27, 2015 at 6:26 AM

So did I. Honestly if *I* read this on MC, I'd be quick to call troll, but it did happen to my daughter. I followed through - but I also pulled her out of that school. That was the last straw in a long line of problems with the school. I didn't want her to have to stay there during all the red tape and crap.

Quoting Anonymous 2: Yes it is sexual assault and I find it hard to believe the school said otherwise. Hopefully you followed through with your threat to the school bc if not you helped your DD learn she doesn't have a voice to say no, you didn't teach her to stand up for herself if you didn't fight for her.


JC2223
by Platinum Member on Feb. 27, 2015 at 6:29 AM

If someone touches your body without permission it's assault. My brother pulled the back of a girls bra as a joke when he was in middle school. Not only did the girl punch him in the face for it, but the school also suspended him for sexual harassment and this was over 15 years ago. To think this kind of crap is still going on and people are still using the "boys will be boys" excuses baffles me!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Feb. 27, 2015 at 6:33 AM

Clearly she was assaulted.  If she had just pushed him away or even slapped him that would have been a correct reaction.  But kneeing him in the balls was also assault. Boys will be boys is not a justifiable defence.  It is a admittance of guilt. 

And by the way, annoying puppies get bitten all the time.  Mama dogs don't just ingore them.  They teach them what is and is not acceptable. And their litter mates show no hisitation whatsoever.

lucky2Beeme
by Emerald Member on Feb. 27, 2015 at 6:36 AM

Shame on you for not going to the police. Hell yes its sexual harassment. NO One has the right to touch another human being. To put his head on her chest and move it around TOTALLY WRONG ! My first call after teachers shit answer would have been police. Follow by Superintendent of schools.

I'm sorry it happend to your DD. I'm sorry you didnt take the issues further. At the very least the teacher would have gained some knowledge.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Feb. 27, 2015 at 6:38 AM
Yep. I'd take it to the superintendent, quoting the sickening response from the principal.

While the boy's behavior is inexcusable, the real issue here is that of the teacher and principal. This has to be addressed. Who knows how many other boys are "being dogs".
KSBlueyz
by Bronze Member on Feb. 27, 2015 at 6:40 AM
Anyone touching you anywhere against your wishes is assault. Since this boy targeted her in such a specific area, it turns this into sexual assault...without a doubt.

Please praise your daughter for standing up for herself. While violence usually isn't the answer, I firmly believe bullies need to be pushed back. I know this happened many years ago, but I bet this boy still thinks twice about approaching your daughter or any woman like that again. Kudos to her for standing up for herself like that.

While unfortunate that the school didn't protect her, she learned a lesson. Always....always protect yourself. You just can't assume and expect anyone else to do it for you. I am glad you showed her how much you stand by her and love her by pulling her out of that crappy school.
TCain0001
by Silver Member on Feb. 27, 2015 at 6:42 AM

I would not only be pressing charges against that asshat, but I'd also have my lawyer up the school's ass for not doing something about the situation........seems the idiots want to turn a blind eye to save their asses.

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