Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

IT'S BEEN TEN GODD*** YEARS!! *vent with possible triggers*

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 18 Replies

When I was 12 years old, I was sexually assaulted. I never reported it, out of fear of retaliation, stayed silent about it, and never recieved any kind of counseling up until two years ago. DF was the first person I ever told.

I'm back in college, and I just found out on Monday that I have to take an online course about the statistics of sexual assault on college campuses, and what can be done about it. I have to take a quiz at the end, and score at least an 89%, or I have to do it all over again. If I don't do it, a hold will be put on my account, and I will not be allowed to register next semester until the course has been completed.

I got about a quarter of the way through it before I completely broke down and suffered my first true panic attack in over a year. The only way I can get out of it is to have a letter from the therapist who works for the university stating why I can't complete the course. They won't accept a letter from my own, trusted therapist, which is utter bullshit.

Which means I get to tell a complete fucking stranger about what happened to me, and have that information forwarded to the Dean of Students, as well as the thundercunt in charge of the whole program. I tried to talk to the Dean about it, but he's so busy that I can't get in to see him until after the deadline for this has passed.

What's worse is that this has brought all of the pain and fear back to the surface. It's bee ten years! I thought I was finally ok, but now I can't even bear to have DF near me. The person I love and trust above all others on this earth can't even touch me.

It's become such a huge problem that I'm seriously considering dropping out. I've jumped through so many hoops, and overcome so many obstacles to get this far, but this may very well do me in if a solution can't be found. Something horrible that happened a decade ago is still haunting me, and it makes me feel absolutely pathetic.

Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 4, 2015 at 2:09 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Mar. 4, 2015 at 2:13 AM
You are not pathetic! What happened to you is traumatic and telling it to other people forces you to relive it. Have you asked if your therapist can just talk to the schools and go from there, that way you don't have too?

What you're going through is a normal reaction. I have been there, I was the same age. It still, at 27, gets to me when I least expect it. It never truly leaves you, you just learn how to better deal with it.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 4, 2015 at 2:16 AM

I'm going to call my therapist tomorrow and see if there's anything she can do.

Quoting Anonymous 2: You are not pathetic! What happened to you is traumatic and telling it to other people forces you to relive it. Have you asked if your therapist can just talk to the schools and go from there, that way you don't have too? What you're going through is a normal reaction. I have been there, I was the same age. It still, at 27, gets to me when I least expect it. It never truly leaves you, you just learn how to better deal with it.


eclaudin
by Gold Member on Mar. 4, 2015 at 2:17 AM
Wow, that's a tough one. Talk to the dean first, if he can't help, then you'll just have to talk to their therapist. Hopefully it won't be as bad as you think. Either way, do not drop out of school!!! That would be giving your abuser control over you all over again. You can get through this:)
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Mar. 4, 2015 at 2:17 AM
Can your therapist tell the other? I'm sorry. I don't have any advice but don't drop out. Work thru it. TAlk with your dh I bet it will help. It's online can you to do it together? Like have him keep you calm??
mona165
by Silver Member on Mar. 4, 2015 at 2:18 AM
Something along those lines happened in my family with a family member who was the molester, it's been 6 years, and I can perfectly talk about it, it's hard, but you need to talk about it, at first words won't come out, but you have to keep trying. There is much worse stuff out there, and who knows, you might safe a young girl by writing that up.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 4, 2015 at 2:21 AM

The fucker who attacked me is long since dead. He was the leader of a gang of Skinheads (hence my fear of retaliation), but was killed by a rival gang member about 7 years ago.

Quoting mona165: Something along those lines happened in my family with a family member who was the molester, it's been 6 years, and I can perfectly talk about it, it's hard, but you need to talk about it, at first words won't come out, but you have to keep trying. There is much worse stuff out there, and who knows, you might safe a young girl by writing that up.


wbattistel2007
by Bronze Member on Mar. 4, 2015 at 2:21 AM
You are brave and you will push through. You have nothing to be ashamed of.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Mar. 4, 2015 at 2:22 AM
That's a good idea. Take a deep breath, you can get through this. I promise.

First step is talk to your therapist and see if she can help. If not and you have to go through the school's therapist, it'll be okay. Your therapist may be able to go with you for support.

Continue with therapy, talk to your df (resist the urge to shut down and close him out), and focus on your goals. You are strong! You survived and you are still surviving! This is a set back and it's rough but you have made it through even harder situations, picked yourself up, & pushed through. You can and will do that again. You have the support and the drive!

Quoting Anonymous 1:

I'm going to call my therapist tomorrow and see if there's anything she can do.

Quoting Anonymous 2: You are not pathetic! What happened to you is traumatic and telling it to other people forces you to relive it. Have you asked if your therapist can just talk to the schools and go from there, that way you don't have too?

What you're going through is a normal reaction. I have been there, I was the same age. It still, at 27, gets to me when I least expect it. It never truly leaves you, you just learn how to better deal with it.

mona165
by Silver Member on Mar. 4, 2015 at 2:25 AM
Well that's even better!
On my side, it was my cousin, and he only served 3 momths, now he has a little sister who is a newborn, and his parents don't think he will molest again, so that little girl is at risk, but I can't do anything, there is a restrainING order. I wanted to kill my cousin with my own two hands infront of his parents so they can all suffer like he made our family suffer, he molested my baby brother and I saw I caught him molesting him and I stopped him. I and my brother would feel way more comfortable if he were dead. But he is nkt, and has a baby sister who he can molest now because his parents decided to have a kid after their other kid molested a child.

Quoting Anonymous 1:

The fucker who attacked me is long since dead. He was the leader of a gang of Skinheads (hence my fear of retaliation), but was killed by a rival gang member about 7 years ago.

Quoting mona165: Something along those lines happened in my family with a family member who was the molester, it's been 6 years, and I can perfectly talk about it, it's hard, but you need to talk about it, at first words won't come out, but you have to keep trying. There is much worse stuff out there, and who knows, you might safe a young girl by writing that up.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 4, 2015 at 2:41 AM

Unfortunately my therapist lives in a different state. I just moved here, and I've yet to find a new therapist in the area that I feel comfortable with. I told DF that I just needed some space until I can calm down and refocus.

Quoting Anonymous 2: That's a good idea. Take a deep breath, you can get through this. I promise. First step is talk to your therapist and see if she can help. If not and you have to go through the school's therapist, it'll be okay. Your therapist may be able to go with you for support. Continue with therapy, talk to your df (resist the urge to shut down and close him out), and focus on your goals. You are strong! You survived and you are still surviving! This is a set back and it's rough but you have made it through even harder situations, picked yourself up, & pushed through. You can and will do that again. You have the support and the drive!
Quoting Anonymous 1:

I'm going to call my therapist tomorrow and see if there's anything she can do.

Quoting Anonymous 2: You are not pathetic! What happened to you is traumatic and telling it to other people forces you to relive it. Have you asked if your therapist can just talk to the schools and go from there, that way you don't have too? What you're going through is a normal reaction. I have been there, I was the same age. It still, at 27, gets to me when I least expect it. It never truly leaves you, you just learn how to better deal with it.



Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)