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would it be easier??

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 12 Replies
Dh and I are currently separated. Our agreement says hell pay utilities and mortgage. I get $750 in child and spousal support a month. I've been looking for a job, I have second interview with one but haven't heard from the others yet and still applying for jobs. I'm in school full time and have 3 kids (2 are his), my oldest is here alternating weeks and I have to drive him to and from school, my middle one starts prek next year. The plan was for me to continue to stay home until our youngest was potty trained, about that time I'd be close to finished with my degree, if not already done.... Then we split.
We were talking when he came to get the kids and he asked if it'd be easier on me to stay home while middle ds is in prek and focus on youngest ds and school. I said of course that'd be easier but that's not an option. I can not afford this house when he's no longer paying mortgage/utilities and will need to move so I need a job to save money to move and have savings, have the experience, and job history. He asked if I could save enough from what he's giving me after paying bills, food and gas.. He kept pushing about me not getting a job yet until I said its not an option and you're wasting your breath.
I have no idea why he's pushing so hard. Of course it'd be easier on me NOW. But itd make things harder later. I'm hoping he doesn't bring it up again when he drops the kids off, if so I'm shutting him down right away, I'll tell him its no longer any of his business and he doesn't have a say in it anymore...
Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 15, 2015 at 1:42 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Mar. 15, 2015 at 1:46 PM
Why would he ask you that? He is trying to set you up to fail?
DallasCowboys81
by Don't live in Texas! on Mar. 15, 2015 at 1:46 PM
I'd tell him its none of his business. Does he want you to fail? That is what it sounds like to me. Good luck. I hope things work out for you. Sounds like you have a good plan lined up ....
Gianna2014
by Ruby Member on Mar. 15, 2015 at 1:49 PM

I'm not really understanding why he doesn't want you to work. Is he worried that he'll have to pay daycare as well? 

Whatever the reason, he should have no say in your decision. You do what's best for you and your kids and tell him just that and this is no longer a discussion.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 15, 2015 at 1:54 PM

No idea, came out of no where... He apologized last time he had the kids for the weekend and said he was sorry for thinking I didnt do much and that it was a breeze (he'd also asked me what hes supposed to do for our youngest ds's birthday. So maybe having them for a weekend he realized it's not just sitting around doing nothing all day but feeding kids and changing diapers? 
OR he realized it's going to be hard for him to afford half of sitter costs?? I have no idea his bills or budget he's set up, assuming he actually did so not sure if it'll be hard or not for sure  

Quoting Anonymous 2: Why would he ask you that? He is trying to set you up to fail?


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 15, 2015 at 2:02 PM

Thats what I plan to tell him if he brings it up again. Same thing I told him when he asked if I was seeing someone (HA! it's been 5 weeks, and even if I wanted to I dont have the time or energy for that mess). 
Thanks, I have a plan, slowly putting it into action and hoping like hell I can pull all of it off.  First on the list was finding a sitter, which I did on accident lol. Next up is getting a job...  I did a couple applications this morning, but living in a small town there aren't many options so tomorrow I'm looking into at home call center type jobs (tried looking at u-haul but all at home ones were listed for Arizona? :/ )
 

Quoting DallasCowboys81: I'd tell him its none of his business. Does he want you to fail? That is what it sounds like to me. Good luck. I hope things work out for you. Sounds like you have a good plan lined up ....


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 15, 2015 at 2:05 PM

Our agreement says he'll pay half of childcare/sitter costs, I'm not sure of what his new bills/budget looks like so I dont know if it'll be hard for him to manage paying it or not, but it's one of the things I was thinking was a factor. Another I guess he doesn't want me to see I CAN manage and do this all on my own and will go back to him?? And the only other thing I can think of is lsat time he had the kids he apologized for thinking I didnt do much and that it was a breeze (he'd also asked me what hes supposed to do for our youngest ds's birthday since he doesnt know how to handle birthdays/holidays) So maybe having them for a weekend he realized it's not just sitting around doing nothing all day but feeding kids and changing diapers? 

Quoting Gianna2014:

I'm not really understanding why he doesn't want you to work. Is he worried that he'll have to pay daycare as well? 

Whatever the reason, he should have no say in your decision. You do what's best for you and your kids and tell him just that and this is no longer a discussion.


DallasCowboys81
by Don't live in Texas! on Mar. 15, 2015 at 2:23 PM
It will happen for you. Good luck. I will pray for you. You seem like a good mama with her head on straight. :)

Quoting Anonymous 1:

Thats what I plan to tell him if he brings it up again. Same thing I told him when he asked if I was seeing someone (HA! it's been 5 weeks, and even if I wanted to I dont have the time or energy for that mess). Thanks, I have a plan, slowly putting it into action and hoping like hell I can pull all of it off.  First on the list was finding a sitter, which I did on accident lol. Next up is getting a job...  I did a couple applications this morning, but living in a small town there aren't many options so tomorrow I'm looking into at home call center type jobs (tried looking at u-haul but all at home ones were listed for Arizona? :/ ) 

Quoting DallasCowboys81: I'd tell him its none of his business. Does he want you to fail? That is what it sounds like to me. Good luck. I hope things work out for you. Sounds like you have a good plan lined up ....

Gianna2014
by Ruby Member on Mar. 15, 2015 at 2:28 PM
It sounds like he had no idea what it entails day to day to care for children and thought what you do was easy. I think a lot of men have this perception but now that he has weekends, he is getting how it really is.
And he must know that you couldn't make it without working, so maybe he thought if you didn't you would ask him back, relieving him of the daycare bill and his weekends with the kids on his own.


Quoting Anonymous 1:

Our agreement says he'll pay half of childcare/sitter costs, I'm not sure of what his new bills/budget looks like so I dont know if it'll be hard for him to manage paying it or not, but it's one of the things I was thinking was a factor. Another I guess he doesn't want me to see I CAN manage and do this all on my own and will go back to him?? And the only other thing I can think of is lsat time he had the kids he apologized for thinking I didnt do much and that it was a breeze (he'd also asked me what hes supposed to do for our youngest ds's birthday since he doesnt know how to handle birthdays/holidays) So maybe having them for a weekend he realized it's not just sitting around doing nothing all day but feeding kids and changing diapers? 

Quoting Gianna2014:

I'm not really understanding why he doesn't want you to work. Is he worried that he'll have to pay daycare as well? 

Whatever the reason, he should have no say in your decision. You do what's best for you and your kids and tell him just that and this is no longer a discussion.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 15, 2015 at 11:14 PM
1 mom liked this
Thanks, I'm slowly working on it. One day at a time :)

Quoting DallasCowboys81: It will happen for you. Good luck. I will pray for you. You seem like a good mama with her head on straight. :)

Quoting Anonymous 1:

Thats what I plan to tell him if he brings it up again. Same thing I told him when he asked if I was seeing someone (HA! it's been 5 weeks, and even if I wanted to I dont have the time or energy for that mess). Thanks, I have a plan, slowly putting it into action and hoping like hell I can pull all of it off.  First on the list was finding a sitter, which I did on accident lol. Next up is getting a job...  I did a couple applications this morning, but living in a small town there aren't many options so tomorrow I'm looking into at home call center type jobs (tried looking at u-haul but all at home ones were listed for Arizona? :/ ) 

Quoting DallasCowboys81: I'd tell him its none of his business. Does he want you to fail? That is what it sounds like to me. Good luck. I hope things work out for you. Sounds like you have a good plan lined up ....

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 15, 2015 at 11:17 PM
Exactly.
Today he asked me (for the millionth time) if I could tell him if there was any chance of us getting back together or not. >.<
I think the fact he's coming up his his first holiday with the kids alone and a birthday overwhelmed him on top of having the kids 100% alone and having to cook and clean up after them. He always refused to get involved in the planning of anything or helping around the house any. I'm determined to find a job that'll work within the next month.

Quoting Gianna2014: It sounds like he had no idea what it entails day to day to care for children and thought what you do was easy. I think a lot of men have this perception but now that he has weekends, he is getting how it really is.
And he must know that you couldn't make it without working, so maybe he thought if you didn't you would ask him back, relieving him of the daycare bill and his weekends with the kids on his own.


Quoting Anonymous 1:

Our agreement says he'll pay half of childcare/sitter costs, I'm not sure of what his new bills/budget looks like so I dont know if it'll be hard for him to manage paying it or not, but it's one of the things I was thinking was a factor. Another I guess he doesn't want me to see I CAN manage and do this all on my own and will go back to him?? And the only other thing I can think of is lsat time he had the kids he apologized for thinking I didnt do much and that it was a breeze (he'd also asked me what hes supposed to do for our youngest ds's birthday since he doesnt know how to handle birthdays/holidays) So maybe having them for a weekend he realized it's not just sitting around doing nothing all day but feeding kids and changing diapers? 

Quoting Gianna2014:

I'm not really understanding why he doesn't want you to work. Is he worried that he'll have to pay daycare as well? 

Whatever the reason, he should have no say in your decision. You do what's best for you and your kids and tell him just that and this is no longer a discussion.

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