Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Idk if i should allow visits

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 9 Replies
My ex isn't my son's father, but we were together from 2-7, and he still came to visit until ds turned 9- that was back in November and he hasn't seen him since.

He works a ft job and picked up a PT job, but always has weekends off. His sister passed away earlier this year so i know his parents were/are really family get together oriented... and again- in November comes the holidays. His mom does holiday parties before, during and after the actual holiday.

I asked him why he stopped coming around and he said that after so much time had past, he felt it was wrong, and more time had just flew by.... but he asked if he could see ds and i told him I'd think about it.



Now, to my son- he was/feels abandoned by his real dad. Before he was born, he was gone. Then got visits when ds was 3. He stuck around for almost a month. Then just disappeared. At 8, he came around again and after two visits, left again.

I know he wants to see my ex- he talks about him constantly, bringing up the promises my ex told him (taking him to a zombie run again this year, remember how he took me to magic mountain and we played laser tag?, etc)..


Ds would love to see him, but I'm worried- what if ex stops coming around again? Will ds feel abandoned by him? Does he feel abandoned by him since he hasn't come around in months?

Wwyd? Would you allow them to see each other?

Me and my ex are still friends but if we ever do anything, i make sure to keep it away from ds so he doesn't think we'll get back together. If they see each other, he'll pick him up and take him out somewhere. (We broke up bc i wasn't willing to budge on certain things)
Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 15, 2015 at 1:46 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-9):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 15, 2015 at 1:47 PM
Ds rarely talks about his real dad, constantly talks about my ex.... and no, i haven't dated at all, and have no plans to so I'm not bringing 'random guys' around ds
HAHuskey
by Gold Member on Mar. 15, 2015 at 1:48 PM
Ask your son what he wants.
DallasCowboys81
by Don't live in Texas! on Mar. 15, 2015 at 1:50 PM
This. Leave it up to your son. He's old enough to decide.

Quoting HAHuskey: Ask your son what he wants.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 15, 2015 at 1:50 PM
He'll want to see him, even if it's just for an hour.

Quoting HAHuskey: Ask your son what he wants.
HAHuskey
by Gold Member on Mar. 15, 2015 at 1:53 PM
Then let him. He messed up and quit coming around once, maybe a second chance(and maybe explain that you left it to him) will help him realize that he wants to be there for your son. If he continues to be unreliable, then think about blocking him.

P.S. This is all suggestions based on how I would do it. If you truly feel you shouldn't, go with your gut.

Quoting Anonymous 1: He'll want to see him, even if it's just for an hour.

Quoting HAHuskey: Ask your son what he wants.
midema
by Truly Blessed on Mar. 15, 2015 at 1:55 PM
That's your answer...

Quoting Anonymous 1: He'll want to see him, even if it's just for an hour.

Quoting HAHuskey: Ask your son what he wants.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 15, 2015 at 1:59 PM
I'm just afraid of how ds may feel if he decides to stop coming around, or "doesn't have time"... idk, i feel like his excuse of 'i was busy with the jobs and family and time flew' is just bs. Like i understand it but i think it's bs. He still had two days off, out of those two days, he couldn't come around for 2 or 3 hrs? Our weekends are very relaxed. Saturdays, ds doesn't go to bed until 10- he could've come until bedtime then gone out to the bars with his friends.

But then, ds is a very chill child. As soon as he sees him, he'll forget about him not being here and he'll just be so excited that he IS here and that will be all that matters.

Quoting HAHuskey: Then let him. He messed up and quit coming around once, maybe a second chance(and maybe explain that you left it to him) will help him realize that he wants to be there for your son. If he continues to be unreliable, then think about blocking him.

P.S. This is all suggestions based on how I would do it. If you truly feel you shouldn't, go with your gut.

Quoting Anonymous 1: He'll want to see him, even if it's just for an hour.

Quoting HAHuskey: Ask your son what he wants.
HAHuskey
by Gold Member on Mar. 15, 2015 at 2:06 PM
Do what your gut tells you. Maybe if you give one more shot, he will do what he says. I'd also explain to my son that he shouldn't get his hopes up.

Quoting Anonymous 1: I'm just afraid of how ds may feel if he decides to stop coming around, or "doesn't have time"... idk, i feel like his excuse of 'i was busy with the jobs and family and time flew' is just bs. Like i understand it but i think it's bs. He still had two days off, out of those two days, he couldn't come around for 2 or 3 hrs? Our weekends are very relaxed. Saturdays, ds doesn't go to bed until 10- he could've come until bedtime then gone out to the bars with his friends.

But then, ds is a very chill child. As soon as he sees him, he'll forget about him not being here and he'll just be so excited that he IS here and that will be all that matters.

Quoting HAHuskey: Then let him. He messed up and quit coming around once, maybe a second chance(and maybe explain that you left it to him) will help him realize that he wants to be there for your son. If he continues to be unreliable, then think about blocking him.

P.S. This is all suggestions based on how I would do it. If you truly feel you shouldn't, go with your gut.

Quoting Anonymous 1: He'll want to see him, even if it's just for an hour.

Quoting HAHuskey: Ask your son what he wants.
scarletmeshell
by Platinum Member on Mar. 15, 2015 at 2:06 PM

That was hard to read. If the ex really wanted to see him, he would have.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)