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wanting to cry

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 12 Replies
You know, I completely understand how men and women can greive differently or cope with loss differently, I've read all about it so I know what to expect. Its normal, so I'm not upset if he isn't feeling the same way I am after our Mc. What I'm hurt about and upset at is the fact he can act so insensitive towards me and how I'm trying to handle this. When it seems like he's wanting me to talk about it I'll try but he will completely cut me off and tell me not to worry, that everything will be ok. But I'm not wanting reassurance. I'm wanting you to just listen to me and let me talk. Like just now, he doesn't have to be at work till 4pm, he slept most the day Becuz he works nights. He got up around 130 and quickly left to go smoke weed with his brothers. Not only do I tell him that it hurts me he's getting back onto that when he was perfectly clean right before we found out I was pregnant. But the fact he had to leave me here by myself right away. Like, thank you, so much. Glad to know weed comes before me. Could it have hurt for u to just sit with me for a few minutes? I just want to cry.
Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 15, 2015 at 2:10 PM
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Replies (1-10):
jkleinman
by Ruby Member on Mar. 15, 2015 at 2:13 PM
Hugs. I am so very sorry!
Missdameanor
by on Mar. 15, 2015 at 2:17 PM

I learned early on that  many men try to fix things. My husband was a terrible listener in the beginning for this very reason.

Maybe he is dealing with it through smoking with his brothers. Grief is a very personal thing and everybody deals with it differently.

I really hope you guys can come through this stronger. Good luck =)

angl_gurl1
by on Mar. 15, 2015 at 2:18 PM

dump his ass, im telling u from experience that when someone is on weed like that, its hard to give it up. my ex put it b4 me and our son, all my stuff came up missing because of it. u dont need that shit in ur life

theboyfactory
by on Mar. 15, 2015 at 2:20 PM
There are lots of books on how to deal with loss as a couple. Even if he won't read them, it will help you understand why he does the things he does as well.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 15, 2015 at 2:22 PM
1 mom liked this

I know that, and part of me doesnt even have the strength to be mad at him because I do understand. Im just really hurting and I wish he were able to spend a little more time with me. We dont even have to talk, just him holding me would be enough. Im at the point where Ive got this really strong urge to want to just take care of something, to care for them and be responsible for it. Maybe its just a motherly feeling but its very overwelming and it makes me feel all the more empty and helpless.

Quoting Missdameanor:

I learned early on that  many men try to fix things. My husband was a terrible listener in the beginning for this very reason.

Maybe he is dealing with it through smoking with his brothers. Grief is a very personal thing and everybody deals with it differently.

I really hope you guys can come through this stronger. Good luck =)


Missdameanor
by on Mar. 15, 2015 at 2:30 PM

 This baby was already a part of you, it's not abnormal for you to be more hurt by this loss than he is. To him, it may not have even seemed totally real yet, kwim?

I agree with boyfactory, you could greatly benefit from reading about grief and it's stages.

TRYING AGAIN by Ann Douglas is a great book.

It's ok, you aren't alone. You can do this, I know you can!!

Quoting Anonymous 1:

I know that, and part of me doesnt even have the strength to be mad at him because I do understand. Im just really hurting and I wish he were able to spend a little more time with me. We dont even have to talk, just him holding me would be enough. Im at the point where Ive got this really strong urge to want to just take care of something, to care for them and be responsible for it. Maybe its just a motherly feeling but its very overwelming and it makes me feel all the more empty and helpless.

Quoting Missdameanor:

I learned early on that  many men try to fix things. My husband was a terrible listener in the beginning for this very reason.

Maybe he is dealing with it through smoking with his brothers. Grief is a very personal thing and everybody deals with it differently.

I really hope you guys can come through this stronger. Good luck =)

 

 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Mar. 15, 2015 at 2:53 PM
I can listen....I am going through this now. My has been strong for me through all of it & even he did something similar. I asked him to snuggle with me I was feeling so down & despite mc I still have the pregnancy hormones & he went & ran errands as planned but then he went for a long drive..he was gone two hours lol I was so sad & felt me asking him to hold me was more important than going for a drive but the truth is he needed that drive he loves to drive & he has a sweet car. We had been in the ER 3 days in a row & it had been 5 days since the bad news. So even though I was hurt that he didn't come right home to me, I also realized he needed that alone time especially bc he has been the strength & courage for us both during this time.
This stuff is incredibly hard to absorb, talk to me anytime. Times are hard for both of you, try to be understanding & accepting of his means of coping, there is no right way to grieve. A mc experience is different for women & men, I don't think he is being insensitive intentionally unless it's something he does often.
Big hugs, so sorry this is happening
Cry...feel it to the fullest & let go <3
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Mar. 15, 2015 at 2:57 PM
Lol "on weed"
It's not the weed's fault. That's just a shitty person.
On weed...that's cute.

Quoting angl_gurl1:

dump his ass, im telling u from experience that when someone is on weed like that, its hard to give it up. my ex put it b4 me and our son, all my stuff came up missing because of it. u dont need that shit in ur life

TaylorFam02
by Platinum Member on Mar. 15, 2015 at 2:59 PM
Are you married to this guy?
seaformee
by on Mar. 15, 2015 at 3:08 PM
I'm so sorry for your loss.
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