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Divorce/visitation question? At what point would you stop sending your kids? *update with custody agreement*

Posted by on Mar. 15, 2015 at 7:37 PM
  • 54 Replies

DS (5) and DD (4) go to their dads every weekend. Correction: they go to their grandparents every weekend because Daddy still lives with his parents.
They see Daddy for a whopping total of 20 mins to an hour every weekend. And a majority of that time he is playing video games while they play with legos or toys in the same room. I'm not sure what he does the rest of the time. He works one Sat a month.
They love seeing Grandpa and Bubbie but I feel like his parents are raising my kids. :/ I've talked to him about it. I've talked to his parents about it. Nothing has changed.
DS has told me the last few weekends "I don't see Daddy very much" and has expressed that he didn't want go anymore but "he'll miss DD so he'll go"
I'm considering going down to every other weekend to see if it makes a difference.
I feel like just keeping them would punish the kids more than him. But I'm at a loss. Any advice?


Update: This is how our custody agreement reads:

by on Mar. 15, 2015 at 7:37 PM
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Replies (1-10):
myshoes
by Platinum Member on Mar. 15, 2015 at 7:40 PM
3 moms liked this
I would send them. He has the right to do what he wants on his time. Even if that means them being with their grandparents.
I believe they need to go, as court ordered, until age 13-14.
mrsmamab
by Lacye on Mar. 15, 2015 at 7:40 PM
1 mom liked this
My advice, unless he is abusing the kids, send them. If you don't, you are one who looks like an ass in court.
katydid150
by Gold Member on Mar. 15, 2015 at 7:41 PM
You need to follow the custody order. Time with grandparents is good for kids, anyway.
caligirl7613
by Ruby Member on Mar. 15, 2015 at 7:44 PM
I agree and if you are on good terms with his parents maybe speak to them about if this situation is causing hardship on them. If so, maybe consider a modification.

Quoting mrsmamab: My advice, unless he is abusing the kids, send them. If you don't, you are one who looks like an ass in court.
jamamama00
by on Mar. 15, 2015 at 7:44 PM
If I worked full time then I would not send my kids off to visit grandparents every single weekend. But I don't know your schedule so IDK.
ivegotrhythm
by Platinum Member on Mar. 15, 2015 at 7:47 PM
Can grandpa be a male role model for your kids since dad isn't?
MicheleJM
by on Mar. 15, 2015 at 7:50 PM

I wouldn't want to send my kids every weekend.  But that's only because I want to do things with them sometimes myself when I'm not at work.  Shrug...ask your ex about EOW.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Mar. 15, 2015 at 7:53 PM
Unless you think they are in some sort of danger, then you should still send them according to the CO. If it bothers you that much, you could seek a modification to add Right of First Refusal. But keep in mind that ROFR goes both ways, so anytime you want to leave your kids with a sitter, you would have to offer the time to your ex. I think most judges would agree that time with healthy, responsible, and loving grandparents isn't detrimental to kids and your ex is free to entrust the kids to them on his time.
MichLW69
by PackersXLV4 on Mar. 15, 2015 at 7:59 PM

If it is in the custody order, you can't just stop it. You have to petition the courts. I'm going through this right now. My exh has our youngest Friday after school until 2 pm on Sat. and alternate Sunday's from 12:30-8pm. He decided that he didn't want to drive 1.5 hours to pick her up from school (per the CO) and that I needed to meet him 1/2 way at 4. I won't do this because I've spoken to my lawyer and if it isn't in the CO, it doesn't happen.

So now, he won't take her on Sunday either. This has been going on since January. I want to go back to court, but my lawyer said it's not going to automatically be stopped, just because he isn't taking advantage of his visitation and the lawyer said it isn't worth the $5000 it will cost. 

If your kids like seeing their grandparents, then send them. 

CheerioHolder
by Ruby Member on Mar. 15, 2015 at 8:02 PM
I wouldn't stop sending them.
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