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My son says my father tells him things

Posted by on Mar. 16, 2015 at 6:12 AM
  • 15 Replies
1 mom liked this


I am a single mother and my son spends a lot of time with my father because he watches him while I work.

To preface, my father raised me most of the time while my mother worked. He is the sweetest, most compassionate, caring, gentle, kind man you can imagine. He has a temper once in a while and as he's gotten older he's gotten more stubborn about his beliefs, but he's not the kind of person who would ever be cruel.

HOWEVER

It has happened more times than seems natural that my son has said strange things and claimed that his grandpa told it to him.

For example, my father and I disagree religiously and I have asked him in no uncertain terms to please not try to brainwash my son into his particular faith. I never say anything negative about my father's faith or anyone's to my son, but my son continues to tell me all the indoctrinating my father is doing and my father denies it every time.

Lately my son has been asking about my tattoos a lot. He says he thinks they're pretty and asks how I got them, etc. Well, today my son (he's four years old) said, "Mommy why do you have to have those tattoos? They look so garbage-y."

My son watches no shows, nor is around any people that would ever talk about tattoos being trashy.

He said that his grandpa said it. I know that my dad is very angry that I got tattoos at all. I asked him and he firmly denied it, just like every other time, acting completely innocent and just as shocked as me.

Well, I'm getting to a point where I'm questioning his honesty with me. He is furious with me for leaving his religion already, and I know he feels it's important to teach my son his religion, but for him to boldly lie to my face just boggles my mind. It doesn't seem like my dad to be so careless with my feelings.

The tattoo thing just really was the last straw for me because it makes my son feel negatively about his own mother's body, his mother whose body has been his cradle and comfort his whole life, and while my father disapproves, it is not the kind of thing that is as dire as my son's religious choices. So, to cause a rift between us simply because my dad doesn't like my tattoos seems especially messed up, whether you like tattoos or not.

What would you do?


by on Mar. 16, 2015 at 6:12 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Mar. 16, 2015 at 6:16 AM
3 moms liked this
He's going behind your back with your child.
Time for a new sitter and strict boundaries.
PacMan80
by Ruby Member on Mar. 16, 2015 at 6:24 AM

You need a new babysitter.  If you can't afford one, then you will need to be firm with your dad and tell him this is not appropriate.  You also have to have a sit down with your son and let him know grandpa isn't always right.

Blue_Spiral
by Gold Member on Mar. 16, 2015 at 6:24 AM

Yeah, I forgot to mention the other issue is that my son is soooo close to my dad. He is so attached he has trouble going more than a day without seeing him and he thinks he is his father, since his father is long gone. I'm also very close to my parents and I even work with them so not being around them at this point is out of the question, and since he has no father, no siblings, no cousins, no aunts or uncles, etc. I can't stand the idea of taking him away from them, not to mention the resentment it would cause.

I've literally pleaded with my dad to respect my feelings and I feel like I am absolutely stuck between a rock and a hard place. I can't figure out a solution to this. :(

I think we need to try family counseling but that costs money and.........I don't know. I guess that's what I'll have to get my parents to do......... 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Mar. 16, 2015 at 6:29 AM
Honestly I teach my kids that everyone had a different opinion of right and wrong. I would simply say to my son " Well I don't think my tattoos look like garbage and that is not a nice thing to say and it really hurts my feelings!" He will eventually make up his own mind. But unlike others I would not take my child away from an otherwise safe and loving environment.
TCain0001
by Silver Member on Mar. 16, 2015 at 6:37 AM

I wouldn't be leaving my ds with grampa anymore.  Sounds to me like grampa is vocalizing his beliefs about religion and tattoos to your son, and your son is repeating them because he looks up to gramps.  

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Mar. 16, 2015 at 6:47 AM
Hire a professional day care provider if you are unhappy. Then the issue will be resolved. Otherwise, I would realize how lucky you are to have your dad as your son's (free!) caregiver and role model even if you don't always agree.

Quoting TCain0001:

I wouldn't be leaving my ds with grampa anymore.  Sounds to me like grampa is vocalizing his beliefs about religion and tattoos to your son, and your son is repeating them because he looks up to gramps.  

Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Mar. 16, 2015 at 7:05 AM
Poor child
myshoes
by Platinum Member on Mar. 16, 2015 at 7:10 AM
1 mom liked this
You can not control things that your son hears. You can only teach him how to respond.

I am not sure about the religion issues but your dad could have commented while in line somewhere, etc that someone looked "trashy".

Be honest with your kid. "Honey, there are people that don't agree with getting tattoo's. Everyone gets to make a choice. Mommy chose to get this one when .... (And tell him your story, give him the comfort of knowing why you did what you did). Granddad was not happy that I choose to get my tattoos but he still loves me. We can still love people who make different choices, we can still love them very much. "

Quoting Blue_Spiral:

Yeah, I forgot to mention the other issue is that my son is soooo close to my dad. He is so attached he has trouble going more than a day without seeing him and he thinks he is his father, since his father is long gone. I'm also very close to my parents and I even work with them so not being around them at this point is out of the question, and since he has no father, no siblings, no cousins, no aunts or uncles, etc. I can't stand the idea of taking him away from them, not to mention the resentment it would cause.I've literally pleaded with my dad to respect my feelings and I feel like I am absolutely stuck between a rock and a hard place. I can't figure out a solution to this. :(I think we need to try family counseling but that costs money and.........I don't know. I guess that's what I'll have to get my parents to do......... 

chanizen
by on Mar. 16, 2015 at 7:10 AM
Get independent and get a new sitter.
BatmanWondaWomn
by on Mar. 16, 2015 at 7:13 AM
Why is it everytime an issue occurs with family the first thing everybody say is keep away from him/her? I just don't understand it. You need to have a very serious talk with your dad and let him know how this is making you feel.Let your son know that everyone has they own belief. He is only 4 years old he still a little young to know exactly what's going on.
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